Men's high expectations.

Why do men have such high expectations for women? I'm talking about topics such as acne, facial hair etc.

I personally have both and have struggled with this for many years now. It's got to the point where I am afraid to start dating again due to a guy shaming me for my body which I can't control. I have PCOS, which is Polycystic ovary syndrome which causes a hormonal change and can lead to increased hair growth and acne.

Why do men want girls to be curvy yet skinny? Why do they want us to have perfect skin and bodies? And why do they never approve of us even when we change ourselves for them?

Reply 1

TJ1997

18

I think that's a big generalisation to make as most guys (including myself) appreciate a woman being into them, regardless of whether they are a supermodel or not.

Don't expect anyone I date to have flawless skin or a toned body, etc as they aren't the most essential assets. Maybe you've been speaking to/trying to get the attention of the wrong sorts of men?

Reply 2

PhantomLion55

9

Women are just as shallow. What you're experiencing also applies to guys too. A lot of men get body shaming as well. Do you see all the male models in the media? Tall, dark and handsome with perfect muscles. Most women are drawn to that and find that appealing, I mean who wouldn't? Thats basically the ideal man. But if you were to make a poll, you would get different votes from men that like women of all sizes. I have seen polls and there are several polls for men which include tall, dark, handsome with perfect muscles. Guess what? Basically majority or 90% of the votes were for tall, dark, handsome. Any woman and even a man himself can agree that being tall and big is the most attractive, but there are men and women that can agree that woman are attractive of all heights and weights. You don't have this societal pressure to be big and tall like men do to be seen as universally attractive among most women. I'm short and skinny, basically the opposite of tall and muscular. I don't believe any woman would really like my body type and height, but thats just the sad reality of it.

A tall and muscular guy looks better than me physically in every way, but idc cause not every guy is the same and we're all different. There will be people that have it the best in appearance, you just gotta work with what you have. Focus on what you can control. If you have acne then do acne treatment theres tons of them. If you want to lose or gain weight then its possible. Being a woman, your body really isn't as much of a negative impact as you may think. Some guys might not like your type, but there'll be some that will, that goes for anyone. Society is much less harsh on a woman's body than men are. Trust me, as a skinny guy it sucks hearing a lot of woman like big guys and not skinny guys even. The pressure of being a big guy is worse than being a big woman because society tells us we need to be big to look "manly" and attractive. Its harder for guys, trust me.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Not all men are like this, you’re probably just talking to people who are immature or see u as short-term, find someone who wants to be committed.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by PhantomLion55

The pressure of being a big guy is worse than being a big woman because society tells us we need to be big to look "manly" and attractive. Its harder for guys, trust me.

But I mean- It's hard for both genders-- I'm 'curvy' but i'm also chubby and this makes a lot of men i know instantly decline me just because I have a bit of chubbiness on my body. Luckily i'm not into muscular men LOL.

Reply 5

ThatOldGuy

19

Original post by Anonymous

But I mean- It's hard for both genders-- I'm 'curvy' but i'm also chubby and this makes a lot of men i know instantly decline me just because I have a bit of chubbiness on my body. Luckily i'm not into muscular men LOL.

Tinder did a study and found this:

https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a

In other words, if you're a 3 on an attractiveness scale of 1-10 where it means you're less attractive than 70% of all other women out there, you tend to go for 8s and above. And if you're a 4 or higher, 9s and above.

80% of all men are considered worse than average in terms of looks on Tinder, which is interesting since it's statistically not true.

Reply 6

Justvisited

19

Original post by ThatOldGuy

80% of all men are considered worse than average in terms of looks on Tinder, which is interesting since it's statistically not true.

Depends on your mathematical definition of "average". It isn't true if you mean the "median", but if you mean the "mean" then yes it can easily be true, as in, when Jeff Bezos walks into a bar, everyone else is immediately "below average" in income.

Reply 7

ThatOldGuy

19

Original post by Justvisited

Depends on your mathematical definition of "average". It isn't true if you mean the "median", but if you mean the "mean" then yes it can easily be true, as in, when Jeff Bezos walks into a bar, everyone else is immediately "below average" in income.

Maybe, but not really relevant in this case. On a scale of 1-10, if you have a normal statistical spread of attractiveness, the top 10% of attractive people will represent 10% definitionally and the top 1% will be represented by about 1% of the users. If Jeff Bezos appears in a bar large enough to accommodate Jeff Bezos with a reasonable spread of incomes, it would have to be a pretty big bar filled with a few million people. Thankfully, it is estimated that 50 million active Tinder users are out there. A single ridiculously attractive individual will not be able to raise the bar - Even in your example of a median - to above 80% of users.

Reply 8

Anonymous #3

Ugh ikr it really p*sses me off.
The amount of boys that have commented on my appearance or told me how I could change myself to be more attractive is unbelievable.
They'll be like - "Super skinny BUT also curvy, large breasts BUT still perky, completly natural BUT she has to shave her legs and wear makeup, freaky BUT also innocent"

Reply 9

Ramipril

18

It goes both ways and stop making sweeping generalisations.

Reply 10

Wired_1800

20

Original post by Anonymous

Why do men have such high expectations for women? I'm talking about topics such as acne, facial hair etc.

I personally have both and have struggled with this for many years now. It's got to the point where I am afraid to start dating again due to a guy shaming me for my body which I can't control. I have PCOS, which is Polycystic ovary syndrome which causes a hormonal change and can lead to increased hair growth and acne.

Why do men want girls to be curvy yet skinny? Why do they want us to have perfect skin and bodies? And why do they never approve of us even when we change ourselves for them?

Most men are not like that. Unfortunately you meet random guys who have crazy demands but many appreciate women for who they are.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

Ugh ikr it really p*sses me off.
The amount of boys that have commented on my appearance or told me how I could change myself to be more attractive is unbelievable.
They'll be like - "Super skinny BUT also curvy, large breasts BUT still perky, completly natural BUT she has to shave her legs and wear makeup, freaky BUT also innocent"

One ex before had told me he was completely in love with me and then an hour later told me i need to lose weight even though he was obese and i was of a healthy weight- It really damaged my self-confidence and I don't show my stomach or arms anymore in fear of being called chubby.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Ramipril

stop making sweeping generalisations.

what do you mean by this? Most men in my society dislike the idea of the examples i mentioned such as chubbiness, facial hair etc. I know this because I hung out in a group of guy friends and they would constantly judge girls based off of their looks. Some guys in my old school even rated every girl in the year based off of looks and boob size and posted it all on a story.

Reply 13

Ramipril

18

Original post by Anonymous

One ex before had told me he was completely in love with me and then an hour later told me i need to lose weight even though he was obese and i was of a healthy weight- It really damaged my self-confidence and I don't show my stomach or arms anymore in fear of being called chubby.

He was projecting.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Ramipril

He was projecting.

projecting what exactly?

Reply 15

Ramipril

18

Original post by Anonymous

projecting what exactly?

*probably.

He was obese, you weren't. He may have been jealous and tried to bring your self-esteem down to the same level as his.

Reply 16

luvinthedark

21

ugh, not another one of these threads.
stop generalizing men, not all of them are the same.

Reply 17

MidgetFever

21

Not everyone is like this - I also suffer from PCOS so I understand your struggles.

I've been lucky and been with a couple of guys who weren't bothered by it at all. Some are understanding, you just need to find the right people.

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by MidgetFever

Not everyone is like this - I also suffer from PCOS so I understand your struggles.

I've been lucky and been with a couple of guys who weren't bothered by it at all. Some are understanding, you just need to find the right people.

Thank you for understanding! I'm trying to find a guy who isn't bothered by it. I wasn't trying to generalise anyone within this post and the intention was that MOST men do have these opinions from what i've learnt from the people around me :smile: