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Reasons why people struggle finding a boyfriend?
I’m 21 and I would like a boyfriend. It’s not a priority atm but all through uni I had hoped I met the one but I never did.
For some reason my parents think I’m the one who doesn’t want a boyfriend. My tells her friends ‘ I’m not interested ‘ when her friends ask her if I have a boyfriend. She even asked me today if I ‘ could imagine myself getting married’ and that question really hurt me that she even had to ask because of course I can see myself getting married. Or at least I want to get married! I often fantasise about my ‘ dream’ wedding and having kids etc and a home with my so.
But I just haven’t met anyone. Or at least boys never stay interested in me. I have initial interest and then it just drifts away. I’m worried I’ll never find anyone
For some reason my parents think I’m the one who doesn’t want a boyfriend. My tells her friends ‘ I’m not interested ‘ when her friends ask her if I have a boyfriend. She even asked me today if I ‘ could imagine myself getting married’ and that question really hurt me that she even had to ask because of course I can see myself getting married. Or at least I want to get married! I often fantasise about my ‘ dream’ wedding and having kids etc and a home with my so.
But I just haven’t met anyone. Or at least boys never stay interested in me. I have initial interest and then it just drifts away. I’m worried I’ll never find anyone
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Original post by Anonymous
I’m 21 and I would like a boyfriend. It’s not a priority atm but all through uni I had hoped I met the one but I never did.
For some reason my parents think I’m the one who doesn’t want a boyfriend. My tells her friends ‘ I’m not interested ‘ when her friends ask her if I have a boyfriend. She even asked me today if I ‘ could imagine myself getting married’ and that question really hurt me that she even had to ask because of course I can see myself getting married. Or at least I want to get married! I often fantasise about my ‘ dream’ wedding and having kids etc and a home with my so.
But I just haven’t met anyone. Or at least boys never stay interested in me. I have initial interest and then it just drifts away. I’m worried I’ll never find anyone
For some reason my parents think I’m the one who doesn’t want a boyfriend. My tells her friends ‘ I’m not interested ‘ when her friends ask her if I have a boyfriend. She even asked me today if I ‘ could imagine myself getting married’ and that question really hurt me that she even had to ask because of course I can see myself getting married. Or at least I want to get married! I often fantasise about my ‘ dream’ wedding and having kids etc and a home with my so.
But I just haven’t met anyone. Or at least boys never stay interested in me. I have initial interest and then it just drifts away. I’m worried I’ll never find anyone
Im the same, but Im a boy so I guess its just the same for everyone. Im a little bit younger than you, but my advice is just chill, more than often when we meet someone who we like and they show interest we are took quick to fantasies our lives together and this is the major problem. My parents didn't meet, until my dad was in his thirties and my mom was in her late twenties, the advice I would give myself and to you is just live life how you want and do the things you love and through doing things, such as attending events, trying a new hobby, getting a new job there maybe someone you find who you like. Dont worry Im in the same boat as you and have the same thoughts, dont let this stop your from living to your fullest
I'm sorry to hear you're worried about not having met someone yet 
All I can say is that it's totally normal not to have had a relationship at 21! Lots of your peers won't have. Ultimately if you get 'out there' and meet people, either through uni, work, a club, a shared hobby, volunteering etc, then there's a good chance you might find someone you like! It's also worth being a bit forward and asking people directly if they'd like to go for a coffee or for their number. As you say though this isn't your priority at the moment which is perfectly fine.
It sounds like you're a bit upset at your mum's assumptions about this - could you speak to her and explain? Plus, if she knows you're looking she may be able to set you up with friends of friends
All I can say is that it's totally normal not to have had a relationship at 21! Lots of your peers won't have. Ultimately if you get 'out there' and meet people, either through uni, work, a club, a shared hobby, volunteering etc, then there's a good chance you might find someone you like! It's also worth being a bit forward and asking people directly if they'd like to go for a coffee or for their number. As you say though this isn't your priority at the moment which is perfectly fine.
It sounds like you're a bit upset at your mum's assumptions about this - could you speak to her and explain? Plus, if she knows you're looking she may be able to set you up with friends of friends
Original post by Anonymous
Im the same, but Im a boy so I guess its just the same for everyone. Im a little bit younger than you, but my advice is just chill, more than often when we meet someone who we like and they show interest we are took quick to fantasies our lives together and this is the major problem. My parents didn't meet, until my dad was in his thirties and my mom was in her late twenties, the advice I would give myself and to you is just live life how you want and do the things you love and through doing things, such as attending events, trying a new hobby, getting a new job there maybe someone you find who you like. Dont worry Im in the same boat as you and have the same thoughts, dont let this stop your from living to your fullest
Yes that’s true!! Half of my friends are in relationships atm and half of us aren’t so it does give me some reassurance! And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with the girls who aren’t in relationships so I just have to hope that there also isn’t anything wrong with me😂
I was actually single from 16 to 23, struggled to find someone who reciprocated my feelings for them. I'm now in a relationship with someone who I don't think could love me anymore. She's brilliant.
It's cheesy and cliche but it's so so true when people say "be yourself" and "be patient and you'll find them". Find someone who will be join in on the weird things you do when you think you're home alone.
Have you tried Hinge? It's a dating app but not really like Tinder. Focuses more on liking specific bits of people's profiles rather than just swiping left or right on pictures. How I initially found my current girlfriend and evidently worked out well for me I "swiped" on her for talking about books in her profile and she "swiped" on me for my funny pictures riding a bike with ET sat on the front.
It's cheesy and cliche but it's so so true when people say "be yourself" and "be patient and you'll find them". Find someone who will be join in on the weird things you do when you think you're home alone.
Have you tried Hinge? It's a dating app but not really like Tinder. Focuses more on liking specific bits of people's profiles rather than just swiping left or right on pictures. How I initially found my current girlfriend and evidently worked out well for me
I "swiped" on her for talking about books in her profile and she "swiped" on me for my funny pictures riding a bike with ET sat on the front.I honestly wouldn't worry too much. Anything worthwhile takes its time and effort, and likewise has its time and place. My parents both married when they were young, but it didn't work out and they divorced. They only found each other when my dad was in his forties and my mother her thirties. The right person will come, you just need patience and faith. And honestly, 21 is still extremely young. If you are anyway interested in marriage then when you find the right person, it won't matter how many previous relationships you had, heck, having fewer is probably better. Most relationships at younger ages, especially college ones, don't have a track record of lasting long and being healthy, and the chances just get worse the younger you go. So if you have to wait a bit before you find the right person, and that relationship is authentic, then there isn't much more you can ask for in my opinion
Original post by Anonymous
I honestly wouldn't worry too much. Anything worthwhile takes its time and effort, and likewise has its time and place. My parents both married when they were young, but it didn't work out and they divorced. They only found each other when my dad was in his forties and my mother her thirties. The right person will come, you just need patience and faith. And honestly, 21 is still extremely young. If you are anyway interested in marriage then when you find the right person, it won't matter how many previous relationships you had, heck, having fewer is probably better. Most relationships at younger ages, especially college ones, don't have a track record of lasting long and being healthy, and the chances just get worse the younger you go. So if you have to wait a bit before you find the right person, and that relationship is authentic, then there isn't much more you can ask for in my opinion
Thank you so much! This has reassured me a bit! So true about the uni relationships- I know many people whose relationships didn’t last throughout the few years but I kinda feel like that’s where the most likely place to meet a boyfriend was! I am sociable and go to bars etc with my friends so I do feel like I hang out in places where finding a boyfriend ‘ could happen’ I guess you’re right and I just have to be patient and wait a bit!
A woman should be able to get a boyfriend even if she's alone on a desert island with no phone signal or WiFi unless her standards are too high.
Original post by CTLeafez
I was actually single from 16 to 23, struggled to find someone who reciprocated my feelings for them. I'm now in a relationship with someone who I don't think could love me anymore. She's brilliant.
It's cheesy and cliche but it's so so true when people say "be yourself" and "be patient and you'll find them". Find someone who will be join in on the weird things you do when you think you're home alone.
Have you tried Hinge? It's a dating app but not really like Tinder. Focuses more on liking specific bits of people's profiles rather than just swiping left or right on pictures. How I initially found my current girlfriend and evidently worked out well for me I "swiped" on her for talking about books in her profile and she "swiped" on me for my funny pictures riding a bike with ET sat on the front.
It's cheesy and cliche but it's so so true when people say "be yourself" and "be patient and you'll find them". Find someone who will be join in on the weird things you do when you think you're home alone.
Have you tried Hinge? It's a dating app but not really like Tinder. Focuses more on liking specific bits of people's profiles rather than just swiping left or right on pictures. How I initially found my current girlfriend and evidently worked out well for me
I "swiped" on her for talking about books in her profile and she "swiped" on me for my funny pictures riding a bike with ET sat on the front.awh that last bit is so cute haha
Original post by awkwardshortguy
A woman should be able to get a boyfriend even if she's alone on a desert island with no phone signal or WiFi unless her standards are too high.
you're still here? i remember giving you advice like a year ago. being salty wont fix the problem mate, take it easy; most people find their gfs/bfs when they aren't looking for one.
same reason boys struggle..
Lack of ability to flirt is a huge one. If you have no ability to be flirty with a guy, most guys will just think your not interested and move on. That being said what counts as flirting is unique to everyone, so even if you can't do what most people consider flirting, there will probably be a guy who loves your aproach, it will just be harder to find him.
Standards to high. No one is too ugly to date, but plenty of people are too ugly to date the people they want to date. This also goes for other standards, not just looks.. but humor, height, intelligence, wealth etc.
Get those two things working.. and its just a matter of exposure. If you can flirt, and your expectations are realistic, its just a case of the more people you meet, the higher your chances, the less the lower etc.
Lack of ability to flirt is a huge one. If you have no ability to be flirty with a guy, most guys will just think your not interested and move on. That being said what counts as flirting is unique to everyone, so even if you can't do what most people consider flirting, there will probably be a guy who loves your aproach, it will just be harder to find him.
Standards to high. No one is too ugly to date, but plenty of people are too ugly to date the people they want to date. This also goes for other standards, not just looks.. but humor, height, intelligence, wealth etc.
Get those two things working.. and its just a matter of exposure. If you can flirt, and your expectations are realistic, its just a case of the more people you meet, the higher your chances, the less the lower etc.
So how come you went throughout uni and didn't get a boyfriend?
What do you think is the main cause of that happening? Be as brutally honest with yourself as you can.
Chances are you know what you need to do. It's just a case of you going ahead and doing it.
And there are two philosphical routes. There's the stoical route where you just chill and let things happen. Or there's the proactive route where you make your own luck. Where you do what it takes to get a good boyfriend.
Proactive is better than stoical when it comes to acheiving the good things in life
What do you think is the main cause of that happening? Be as brutally honest with yourself as you can.
Chances are you know what you need to do. It's just a case of you going ahead and doing it.
And there are two philosphical routes. There's the stoical route where you just chill and let things happen. Or there's the proactive route where you make your own luck. Where you do what it takes to get a good boyfriend.
Proactive is better than stoical when it comes to acheiving the good things in life
Original post by ucasguy17
you're still here?
Dont worry about it just be yourself dont try and change for anyone you are only 21 and what you dont know is that guys are and do look at you same with girls they look at guys its all part of nature dont rush into getting/having a boyfriend l am still a single guy that would like to date but l am in no rush l would never use dating sites they are not for me they are full of cheats and tons of baggage
Many women struggle to find boyfriends because they don't actively pursue men. They instead drop subtle hints and wait for men to come to them rather than being direct and asking them out. Women who do the latter are more likely to get the guy! So don't be afraid to make the first move when you meet someone.
Original post by sinfonietta
Many women struggle to find boyfriends because they don't actively pursue men. They instead drop subtle hints and wait for men to come to them rather than being direct and asking them out. Women who do the latter are more likely to get the guy! So don't be afraid to make the first move when you meet someone.
l agree with you 100%
Original post by sinfonietta
Many women struggle to find boyfriends because they don't actively pursue men. They instead drop subtle hints and wait for men to come to them rather than being direct and asking them out. Women who do the latter are more likely to get the guy! So don't be afraid to make the first move when you meet someone.
I don't think that's even just women. Plenty people, me included, have a 'wait and see' approach. And yeah, it's pretty crap and doesn't work well, there's no point being quiet and mysterious unless you are actively and visibly being quiet and mysterious.
(For my part i'm just emotionally immature about relationships and pretty self loathing, I don't really want anyone getting close to that so I don't actively market myself. It's like trying to sell a house that's falling apart, totally mortifying
Original post by awkwardshortguy
What gave you the impression that I am?
i just seen you here loads like few years ago. came back and didnt see you around.
Original post by Anonymous
I’m 21 and I would like a boyfriend. It’s not a priority atm but all through uni I had hoped I met the one but I never did.
For some reason my parents think I’m the one who doesn’t want a boyfriend. My tells her friends ‘ I’m not interested ‘ when her friends ask her if I have a boyfriend. She even asked me today if I ‘ could imagine myself getting married’ and that question really hurt me that she even had to ask because of course I can see myself getting married. Or at least I want to get married! I often fantasise about my ‘ dream’ wedding and having kids etc and a home with my so.
But I just haven’t met anyone. Or at least boys never stay interested in me. I have initial interest and then it just drifts away. I’m worried I’ll never find anyone
For some reason my parents think I’m the one who doesn’t want a boyfriend. My tells her friends ‘ I’m not interested ‘ when her friends ask her if I have a boyfriend. She even asked me today if I ‘ could imagine myself getting married’ and that question really hurt me that she even had to ask because of course I can see myself getting married. Or at least I want to get married! I often fantasise about my ‘ dream’ wedding and having kids etc and a home with my so.
But I just haven’t met anyone. Or at least boys never stay interested in me. I have initial interest and then it just drifts away. I’m worried I’ll never find anyone
IMO, I think the reasons are:
1. Appearance. Some people might have the a good looking face, but they have a bad taste with their outfits. You must always present a smart and fit appearance. People are not interested in slovenly appearance.
2. Mentality and attitude.
a) Always be positive. I always find people with positive vibes really attractive!
b) I noticed that people often focus on others appearance instead of attitude. It is crucial to understand that boyfriend/ girlfriend is someone like your soulmate. He/ She should share a similar value or perspective as you.
c) Confident in yourself. People always look down on themselves when they do not meet certain requirements (180cm tall, muscular, etc).
3. Networking. Go out and meet someone. You can expect to have a boyfriend/ girlfriend all of a sudden. It takes time to meet and understand someone. You can start to meet someone by joining societies you are interested in.
I can understand that feeling as I was single for quite some time, and struggling to get a girlfriend. I know it feels bad for not having a boyfriend during university life. However, do not give up or look down on yourself.
One of the amazing things about life is the unexpected moment. My ex gave me a bad experience assuming that girls only interested in wealthy and good looking guys. I was worried I will never find anyone as well.
However, things had changed after I met my current girlfriend. She did not ask me to pay for everything (food, movies, etc). I was shocked as in Asian culture, it is a common practice for the boys to pay for the food and movies (I am NOT saying all the Asian girls are behaving this way). She accepts me for I am. I never expect all these to happen but it happened!
My advice:
a) Never try to pursue something so badly. Because good things will always come to you. Just be prepared when it comes.
b) Just be who you are. You are not begging someone to stay in your life. The right person will accept you for you are. Unless it's bad habits (taking drugs)
Good luck!
Plenty of potential reasons:
1) Spending too much time around the wrong type of guys- those who are not seeking relationships, considered unattractive or are otherwise incompatible.
2) Very high standards in terms of a suitable partner's: personal appearance, background, finances or ambitions.
3) Too many dating dealbreakers that give interested guys the impression of a personality that is very snobbish or very awkward.
4) Low standards in terms of one's own: appearance, manners, personal hygiene, illegal activity or behaviour that scares people away.
5) A history of health issues that have a significant impact upon day to day life or are viewed very negatively by most guys.
6) Body language that gives the impression of: arrogance, disinterest, desperation, being emotionally needy, thuggery or a weirdo.
1) Spending too much time around the wrong type of guys- those who are not seeking relationships, considered unattractive or are otherwise incompatible.
2) Very high standards in terms of a suitable partner's: personal appearance, background, finances or ambitions.
3) Too many dating dealbreakers that give interested guys the impression of a personality that is very snobbish or very awkward.
4) Low standards in terms of one's own: appearance, manners, personal hygiene, illegal activity or behaviour that scares people away.
5) A history of health issues that have a significant impact upon day to day life or are viewed very negatively by most guys.
6) Body language that gives the impression of: arrogance, disinterest, desperation, being emotionally needy, thuggery or a weirdo.
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