how can you stop hating yourself?

I wanna lay out my problem and if someone is willing to read and respond, I love you.

I can't stop hating myself. I hate my body, I hate my mind, my personality, I hate almost everything about myself.

I have no motivation to take steps to become better because of this. Can you take steps to improve yourself if you don't love yourself first? isn't self-love a prerequisite to change for the better?

I am not sure what I wrote expresses my thoughts clearly. If you don't understand, I am sorry.

Reply 1

Smokestar

17

Why do you hate yourself? Is it because of social media? Your life isnt going how you want it to?
Im a guy (18) and I've felt like this too.
How i cope. Well im joining uni this sept so that's my "light at the end of the tunnel". What's yours?
I currently think im skinny fat and therefore I've been working out ( its only been less 2 months but I've seen ridiculous newbie gains ) . This not only helps me feel better mentally but also allows me to get dopamine hits when i reach my fitness goals. This makes me feel more motivated. I also work out to make myself feel more confident knowing that my body is getting more in shape and therefore more appealing to girls. This provides a positive feedback loop.
You hate your mind? In what way? like thoughts?
Your personality can be improved by self reflection. What is it that you hate? Is it that you're too nice and sometimes letting people cross your boundaries? You're too quite? ( these are all things I thought ).
There are lots of good books out there which provide very good insight in developing inner confidence etc. Use the website
pdfdrive
They usually have free copies of books ( if you cant afford to purchase them like me cause student lol ).

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Smokestar

Why do you hate yourself? Is it because of social media? Your life isnt going how you want it to?
Im a guy (18) and I've felt like this too.
How i cope. Well im joining uni this sept so that's my "light at the end of the tunnel". What's yours?
I currently think im skinny fat and therefore I've been working out ( its only been less 2 months but I've seen ridiculous newbie gains ) . This not only helps me feel better mentally but also allows me to get dopamine hits when i reach my fitness goals. This makes me feel more motivated. I also work out to make myself feel more confident knowing that my body is getting more in shape and therefore more appealing to girls. This provides a positive feedback loop.
You hate your mind? In what way? like thoughts?
Your personality can be improved by self reflection. What is it that you hate? Is it that you're too nice and sometimes letting people cross your boundaries? You're too quite? ( these are all things I thought ).
There are lots of good books out there which provide very good insight in developing inner confidence etc. Use the website
pdfdrive
They usually have free copies of books ( if you cant afford to purchase them like me cause student lol ).

I am ugly, fat, not intelligent, not witty, boring and needy. I am too sensitive like I am easily affected by someone being mean/negative to me (I'm also a guy btw). I am very weak willed and impulsive. I can plan and plan and then get nothing done. Lazy and worthless.

I am depressed, I am receive treatment for depression so I feel better in that I can sleep and eat and focus better now but still can't find any reason to think I can get better than the bare minimum required to survive.

Reply 3

JaseyB

15

Original post by Anonymous

I am ugly, fat, not intelligent, not witty, boring and needy. I am too sensitive like I am easily affected by someone being mean/negative to me (I'm also a guy btw). I am very weak willed and impulsive. I can plan and plan and then get nothing done. Lazy and worthless.

I am depressed, I am receive treatment for depression so I feel better in that I can sleep and eat and focus better now but still can't find any reason to think I can get better than the bare minimum required to survive.

Find 1 small positive change you can make, something simple and try to draw a positive feeling from making that change then give it a little whilst longer and make another change and draw another positive feeling from it, with enough small changes you should be able to change your life and your outlook for good.
It's all about baby steps, incase you are wondering I have been where you are, and the 1st change I made for the better was the smallest, however I went from eating chips 4/5 times a week to once a fortnight - and from that came everything else ( it took time don't get me wrong).

Reply 4

Smokestar

17

Okay. Are you familiar with the sidemen? If you are look at Ethen. He was fat and ugly now he's the complete opposite. You might think you're ugly but really its the fat that's covering the jawline etc. You're needy because you want people to love you which probably stems from the fact that you don't value yourself highly.
Honestly I think you need to take a look at being more "fit and eating healthy". Im sure many snowflakes might come in here and say "No you're perfect the way you are! Don't let society tell you what's acceptable" which I think is a load of *******s.
Stop planning DO! Im just like you where i love planning because really im procrastinating. Just do it. Take that walk. Skip that sh***y junk food. Be conscience of your lifestyle habit's.
You say you're not intelligent. Well I say read, work harder in your studying, search the internet for study tips and techniques.
Your depression probably stems from you lack of progression in life. I get really depressed when I feel as if Im being lazy and not making progress in anything.
Do you have friends to talk to? If you don't then join online communities (im assuming youre in lockdown ).
To develop thick skin you need to be self critical of yourself. For example, i know that i lack confidence at times. So i have a voice narrated by David Goggings who's saying "Stay hard and just do it".

Reply 5

Smokestar

17

Original post by JaseyB

Find 1 small positive change you can make, something simple and try to draw a positive feeling from making that change then give it a little whilst longer and make another change and draw another positive feeling from it, with enough small changes you should be able to change your life and your outlook for good.
It's all about baby steps, incase you are wondering I have been where you are, and the 1st change I made for the better was the smallest, however I went from eating chips 4/5 times a week to once a fortnight - and from that came everything else ( it took time don't get me wrong).

I agree with this.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Self love is tough. I once came from your position as well. Absolutely hated myself. But changing yourself will take time, and it started from building your habits with the small things.

You can't just wake up tomorrow and love yourself. You've got to be aware enough to catch yourself from hating yourself next time something goes wrong, and telling yourself that it's ok. You'll grow from this experience and become a better person.

Next time you miss the bus and you start to believe that you missed the bus because you're a dumbass, remember that activity of showing up late, doesn't define you as a person. It's just one event.

What clicked for me was Brene Brown's toxic shame versus guilt.

I was stunned when she said "Toxic shame is when you believe you are a bad person because you did something wrong. Guilt is when you feel shame for something you did"

This was for a game changer for me.

As an example, If I scored low on a test, Toxic Shame would be saying: I am a dumbass and moron for not being able to score well. Guilt would be I should've studied better.

Toxic Shame is bad. Guilt is good. It keeps us from streaking the neighborhood or mooning the cops.

This helps you take responsibilities for your actions, and not dig yourself into a deeper hole of self-hatred.

As far as comparing yourself to other people is concerned, I learned that people who are doing better than me, paved the path for me and made me realize that it's possible. Whereas before, I'd spend my free time angry and pissed off at that person for killing it. Which is destructive to myself.

Hope this helps

Reply 7

atheist__

3

Original post by Anonymous

I wanna lay out my problem and if someone is willing to read and respond, I love you.

I can't stop hating myself. I hate my body, I hate my mind, my personality, I hate almost everything about myself.

I have no motivation to take steps to become better because of this. Can you take steps to improve yourself if you don't love yourself first? isn't self-love a prerequisite to change for the better?

I am not sure what I wrote expresses my thoughts clearly. If you don't understand, I am sorry.

Maybe you are depressed.

Reply 8

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

I am ugly, fat, not intelligent, not witty, boring and needy. I am too sensitive like I am easily affected by someone being mean/negative to me (I'm also a guy btw). I am very weak willed and impulsive. I can plan and plan and then get nothing done. Lazy and worthless.

I am depressed, I am receive treatment for depression so I feel better in that I can sleep and eat and focus better now but still can't find any reason to think I can get better than the bare minimum required to survive.