How do I get my housemate to stop bringing people over without telling anyone?

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laurenxgrly
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#1
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#1
I share a house with 3 other day people, and one of them constantly brings other people into our house without so much as letting us know he’s doing it.
There have been far too many occasions in which i’ve been out doing my grocery shopping and come back to find people i don’t know sitting in our living room. He literally let some guy (who’s name i still don’t know) use our washing machine at 11pm because the guy didn’t want to pay to use the uni accommodation washing machines.
It frustrates me that I can’t comfortably live in the house i pay rent for without worrying that he’s going to bring more people over. i don’t expect him to ask permission, he loves here too he can bring people over, but I fully expect some warning that it’s happening, a text message or something.
How do i bring this up in conversation? because i know he won’t see a problem with it as this was an issue that we had with him last year too, but it fell on deaf ears when we brought it up to him.
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StriderHort
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#2
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#2
You say you don't expect him to ask permission, but you kinda do, as you're asking how to stop them.

To be honest, its a shared mixed sex accommodation, a degree of busy informality and a relative lack of personal privacy is somewhat part of the deal. Most people don't share a home with random unless they kinda have to

It's certainly something you can mention is making you uncomfortable and ask nicely for a warning in future, but I don't think you're entitled to such. I'd see it more you being sensitive rather than him being unreasonable.
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Muttley79
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#3
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#3
I'm wondering why this wasn't sorted before he continued living with you. What house rules did you agree?
(Original post by laurenxgrly)
I share a house with 3 other day people, and one of them constantly brings other people into our house without so much as letting us know he’s doing it.
There have been far too many occasions in which i’ve been out doing my grocery shopping and come back to find people i don’t know sitting in our living room. He literally let some guy (who’s name i still don’t know) use our washing machine at 11pm because the guy didn’t want to pay to use the uni accommodation washing machines.
It frustrates me that I can’t comfortably live in the house i pay rent for without worrying that he’s going to bring more people over. i don’t expect him to ask permission, he loves here too he can bring people over, but I fully expect some warning that it’s happening, a text message or something.
How do i bring this up in conversation? because i know he won’t see a problem with it as this was an issue that we had with him last year too, but it fell on deaf ears when we brought it up to him.
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_gcx
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#4
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#4
I've always taken it as a given people I live with can just invite people over as long as they're not too disruptive, but I've always been with laid back people who don't really care much about the odd guest. If that's not for you you can ask him to drop a message on the house gc beforehand.
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laurenxgrly
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#5
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#5
(Original post by StriderHort)
You say you don't expect him to ask permission, but you kinda do, as you're asking how to stop them.

To be honest, its a shared mixed sex accommodation, a degree of busy informality and a relative lack of personal privacy is somewhat part of the deal. Most people don't share a home with random unless they kinda have to

It's certainly something you can mention is making you uncomfortable and ask nicely for a warning in future, but I don't think you're entitled to such. I'd see it more you being sensitive rather than him being unreasonable.
i don’t mean stop them from doing it, i mean stop them from just not telling any of us that they’re doing it. i have no problem with the general concept of them bringing other people over, but i have a problem with them not telling anyone that they’re bringing someone over. literally all i want is a heads up so i’m not walking into the house to see some stranger sat on the sofa that i didn’t know was coming
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laurenxgrly
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#6
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#6
(Original post by Muttley79)
I'm wondering why this wasn't sorted before he continued living with you. What house rules did you agree?
see when it happened last year, he had apologised and said that he would stop doing it, so we thought it had been sorted.
it only occurred to us that it had fallen on deaf ears this year when he continued to do it.
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Muttley79
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#7
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#7
So what are the house rules about guests?
(Original post by laurenxgrly)
see when it happened last year, he had apologised and said that he would stop doing it, so we thought it had been sorted.
it only occurred to us that it had fallen on deaf ears this year when he continued to do it.
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StriderHort
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#8
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(Original post by laurenxgrly)
i don’t mean stop them from doing it, i mean stop them from just not telling any of us that they’re doing it. i have no problem with the general concept of them bringing other people over, but i have a problem with them not telling anyone that they’re bringing someone over. literally all i want is a heads up so i’m not walking into the house to see some stranger sat on the sofa that i didn’t know was coming
Well as I said, you can ask, but I don't feel it's something you're entitled to, or could really do anything about. essentially it's your problem and not theirs.

(I've stayed in 4 flat shares and none had any such 'warning others about a guest' rules and I've never heard of one that did, the best you might get is "Am bringing 30 folk home from club, sorry, lol"
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Makro
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#9
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#9
You should all be able to have guests without prior warning provided you all are being 'sensible' about it if you follow some simple rules - Be mindful of your other flatmates and don't invite around drunk and noisy people. Your guests should respect your other housemates privacy and not infringe on their property in any way. You and your guests should be able to enjoy the living room without special notices warning other flatmates. You should also have a time agreed when all guests must be gone, so no guests visiting into the late hrs. 'Guests' should never use amenities in the house except for the toilet (shower, washing machine, cooker etc should all be out of bounds), unless its been agreed prior to them coming round and it must be a one off! whatever they use, remember the whole house shares the financial burden so it's not good enough to say, 'my friend doesn't want to pay for the washing machine at his accomodation', that means all you are expected to pay for it?

If everyone keeps to this, you will be able to enjoy having guests round as well as enjoy the social aspect of house sharing.
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