How common is it for people to not get on with flatmates?

At least their not overly aggressive/hostile towards you or incredibly messy. I would count your blessings and get on with it.

There’s been millions of worse flatmate situations than yours.

Don’t you live with your parents?
How do you know that there’s worse situations?

It’s fairly normal to not get on or click with flatmates tbh and most people I believe don’t remain in contact or friends with their first year hall mates or housemates. Regarding the cupboard situation, I really don’t think that should be a first come first served basis. The cupboard space should be divided equally as much as possible, same for the fridge and freezer. Why should moving into the flat first mean you get more storage space? You all need to do shopping and need space to put your food, cutlery and so on, so I don’t think that’s a reasonable arrangement.

At least their not overly aggressive/hostile towards you or incredibly messy. I would count your blessings and get on with it.

There’s been millions of worse flatmate situations than yours.

It really isn’t but then again guess that’s one of the joys of halls

I know someone who’s having a horrible time with hers. In fact I’m not trying to make out as though I’m the worst one out there for halls- just trying to see if anyone else has been in that situation too.

I feel as though issues and problems like this should be talked about a bit more with Uni rather than having to just “ get on with it”. I suffer from Generalised Anxiety Disorder so the situation hasn’t been helping a lot.The other girl I know has had a nosedive in her mental health too.

You’re not alone. Last year I was stuck with some absolute ar**h*les who would throw things on the floor, eat like slobs etc. They were friendlier than yours but lol mental health was big when they’d do random sh*t like flat parties without telling you and sleep was certainly for the weak . I’ve got ADHD so trying to confront them just made me more jittery . I’m sharing with six this year- not perfect but they are friendly and cleaner. I can guarantee it will get better .

I know someone who’s having a horrible time with hers. In fact I’m not trying to make out as though I’m the worst one out there for halls- just trying to see if anyone else has been in that situation too.

You have my sympathies.

Hi there,

I’ve been debating whether to post this for awhile but finally decided to do so partially out of curiosity and out of receiving any guidance offered by people who’ve been in similar situations.

I’m in my first year at Uni. I took a year out to work and after losing my dad to get my head in the right space. I did very well in my exams at A-level, got into my top Uni choice and knew from the beginning what course I wanted to do. I love my course , I try to work hard and have met up with an old acquaintance and made a good group of friends since coming here too.

However, my big problem is flatmates. I’m in halls for my first year and opted for partner accommodation. The flat itself and the building is very homely, on the doorstep to everything etc. but I’ve paid my price in not being in the major hub for student socialisation like other friends. The problem is the flatmates in particular aren’t what I’d define as aggressive but they aren’t looking to be friends or create a friendly atmosphere either. ( They’ll eat in their rooms, keep to themselves etc.) It’s a mixed sex flat (3 girls including myself and 2 boys.) I’ve tried breaking the ice ( I am very shy and quiet myself so this was challenging), asking to meet up for coffee or even go out together but since the start of September there’s been nothing. I know people who don’t entirely “click” with their flatmates have been out at least once with their flat but we’ve not done anything together. ( In fact we’ve never all been in one room together since the start of the year!)

There was one girl I initially did get on well with my flat (as we were in the same lectures for parts of lectures) and sometimes sit down with for a
meal but it didn’t take a genius to realise she was singling me out for housing as early as early October. I wouldn’t have a problem with that but she wasn’t looking to make friends or get to know me properly first. The few times I invited her out or asked if she wanted to do things, she’d leave me on read or ignore me when we had a free day and she was in the flat . At first I put it down to maybe being busy with work/assignments and trying to settle in etc.but quickly came to conclusion she saw me as a means to an end for housing or being ignored outside the lecture hall etc. We are from fairly similar backgrounds but the alarm bells started going off when she wanted to look around my room in the first few weeks to make sure I was the “ right sort”. She gave me the cold shoulder for a few weeks and then out of the blue (around November) texted me while I was getting ready to go out about a “ fifth potential housemate dropping out” and if “ I’d be interested to fill it”. I had guessed she had been prompted to do so as she realised ( quite literally) I had made some friends and had seen me coming in with them to work on an assignment.She became pushy and asked if I’d been looking around with “ those girls” until eventually I had to say I wasn’t interested. Afterwards whenever I bump into her in the kitchen ( I’ve been avoiding going in a lot more) or she’ll make a quick beeline for the door or avoid me when we’re in the flat together. Since coming back from Christmas break, I’ve only see her once. Part of me got a little upset she didn’t want to be at least good acquaintances but I’ve learnt over the years to be cautious with people like that so maybe it’s for the best.

The other girl in the flat seemed nice initially and friendly but is very loud, outgoing and sociable. She’ll make small talk once and awhile but it’s hard to really do anything with her as she very much keeps to her own group. To make matters worse she’s the type to have friends over at late hours during weekdays without warning at the last minute or making noise in the early hours etc. At first I put it down to maybe blowing off steam or getting a taste of freedom so turned a blind eye but it soon became random to the point of insanely affecting my sleep schedule. I wouldn’t of had a problem if it was a weekend but not when I’m trying to be up early for lectures.I was scared to confront her alone or make things awkward so I kept quiet for awhile and hoped she’d maybe calm down a little after Christmas. Short answer: no, she didn’t. Eventually I made a noise complaint and called the security guard. I didn’t want to as I knew from an acquaintance as they’re not discreet but it did seem to get the message across a little as the noise has turned down to maybe about 10:30ish /
11:00ish and I haven’t seen her since December .

The other thing is she’s fairly clean and tidy ( except from when there’s people over ) so no problems there but she’s also the nagging type. I don’t have a problem entirely as I appreciate sometimes people “forget” but it started becoming annoying when there’d be “prompt”
texts about tidying up or a magical rotor which appeared without consultation on which days you’re available . I tried to be helpful even before the rotor and help with the bins, cleaning the surfaces , hoovering etc but it soon become a bit of a case of her texting about having “ done all the chores” and photographs to follow. Eventually I started giving up a little with the cleaning when others started neglecting duties or I’d see this girl
moaning about being a “personal cleaner” for us . I know it’s a little petty and I will still take the bins out and clean up after myself but it’s pretty pointless otherwise.

The two boys are very different so don’t have a lot to do with one another. One of the lads is very extroverted. He went a bit wild at the start with flat
parties but had calmed down a lot. He occasionally has friends over once and awhile without warning but it’s more of a case of being awkward by not cleaning up after himself or sitting in the kitchen without headphones watching shows, loud phone calls, watching football full volume etc. The other lad was a late arrival and is very reserved and serious . I get being quiet (as I am) but he’s a bit stand-offish with it. My first encounter was in the kitchen regarding me to move my things out of a cupboard. I should put things into perspective in saying it’s not a massive kitchen but it was very
much first come first serve with cupboards.
The loud girl and boy grabbed most of them leaving me and the other girl with only a few. I remember asking him if he’d asked them only to be told he had and I had the “ most space” ( I didn’t). I did so but it definitely left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth and trying to engage in small conversation with him too. To make things funnier he’s also used the group chat as a platform to push the agenda of cleaning and even left a bin bag outside the other lad’s door “ to remind” him to clean. I’m partially lucky in that I live a few hours away from uni so have been going home at weekends and support week when I can but I’m too far to commute for the rest of the year (transport isn’t the most reliable where I am) so I’ll have to grin and bear it.


I apologise for the long rant but sort of needed to get off my chest too! I know we don’t have long left and I’m certainly counting down the days to moving out. I am lucky in that I’ve found a good group to share with for next year but has anyone else been or is in a similar situation? Is is that weird to have a group of flatmates like this?

Hiya ! I definitely relate to this.
I'm now in second year but in my first year of university I did not get on with my flatmates at all. They spent all their time in their rooms even eating in there and sometimes there would be times where I'd be in the kitchen and someone else would come in but quickly find an excuse to leave because they were so introverted. I was lucky in the sense that I felt like I got on with the majority individually but when it came to getting together as a flat it was always so flaky and no one ever wanted to do it. This didn't help when there was a problem in the flat because no one would voice it and they'd always tell me to send it into the groupchat for them rather than them doing it themselves. I often felt this made it look like a was the one nagging even though I was just voicing concerns that people had asked me to just to keep the peace. It ended up being to the point where I had to rebook into a different student halls for second year because I just didn't want to live with any of them. By the end of the year, two of them had dropped out, one of them stopped putting his food in the fridge so he didn't have to come into the kitchen, another moved out relatively early and went back home as soon as he could, one of them got a different tenancy and moved straight into there and the other one is the only one I still speak to. It was a total nightmare. However, I'm so glad I booked into student accommodation again for second year because this year has been so much better and I've met so many more great people.

I had the other end of the stick in my flat where it was mostly just me cleaning up other people's mess to the point where things were going mouldy if I didn't and no one ever took the bins out even though we had a rota we'd all agreed on. At the end of the year when it came to cleaning up the flat so that we could get our deposits back, I was the only one who even attempted to clean up even though we'd all agreed on designated jobs. It ended up that my mum had to come and scrub the whole flat with me because they'd done nothing and if I'd have left it in that state then none of us would have got the deposit back. The worst thing I found was the flakiness. We'd make plans together and then some of them would either just not turn up and not open our messages or anything or literally cancel 20 minutes before we were supposed to walk out the door.

The point is this is completely normal and it doesn't get talked about enough. I could never understand it because the only reason I chose halls rather than living by myself is because I wanted to make friends and I thought it would be the same for other people but that's not always the case.

Hang in there, I hope next year goes better for you.
Lucy - Digital Student Ambassador SHU

I've been in student halls twice (potentially soon to be a third time come August). The first time, when I was 17/18, I had an awful time with one particular flatmate. I had passive aggressive posters put on my bedroom door, nobody in the flat challenged this behaviour whatsoever and if I remember correctly there was 5 of us all sharing the one kitchen/living space and bathroom. All girls, and not fun.

The second time, as a 20 y.o. returning student for half a year, nobody was interested in socialising or keeping the flat clean whatsoever. I had to spend a full day cleaning other people's mess in the kitchen/living space, and I had to keep my own toilet roll in my bedroom because nobody else pitched in and were very quick to eat each other's food in the fridge/freezer. 😂 Wasn't fun at the time, but you just look back and have to laugh.

I see halls as a necessary evil sadly, and I'm anxious about postgrad halls for next year. You're definitely not alone don't worry, the optimist in me sees it as an exercise in 'character building' that just makes us stronger and more resilient at the end of it!

Hi there,

I’ve been debating whether to post this for awhile but finally decided to do so partially out of curiosity and out of receiving any guidance offered by people who’ve been in similar situations.

I’m in my first year at Uni. I took a year out to work and after losing my dad to get my head in the right space. I did very well in my exams at A-level, got into my top Uni choice and knew from the beginning what course I wanted to do. I love my course , I try to work hard and have met up with an old acquaintance and made a good group of friends since coming here too.

However, my big problem is flatmates. I’m in halls for my first year and opted for partner accommodation. The flat itself and the building is very homely, on the doorstep to everything etc. but I’ve paid my price in not being in the major hub for student socialisation like other friends. The problem is the flatmates in particular aren’t what I’d define as aggressive but they aren’t looking to be friends or create a friendly atmosphere either. ( They’ll eat in their rooms, keep to themselves etc.) It’s a mixed sex flat (3 girls including myself and 2 boys.) I’ve tried breaking the ice ( I am very shy and quiet myself so this was challenging), asking to meet up for coffee or even go out together but since the start of September there’s been nothing. I know people who don’t entirely “click” with their flatmates have been out at least once with their flat but we’ve not done anything together. ( In fact we’ve never all been in one room together since the start of the year!)

There was one girl I initially did get on well with my flat (as we were in the same lectures for parts of lectures) and sometimes sit down with for a
meal but it didn’t take a genius to realise she was singling me out for housing as early as early October. I wouldn’t have a problem with that but she wasn’t looking to make friends or get to know me properly first. The few times I invited her out or asked if she wanted to do things, she’d leave me on read or ignore me when we had a free day and she was in the flat . At first I put it down to maybe being busy with work/assignments and trying to settle in etc.but quickly came to conclusion she saw me as a means to an end for housing or being ignored outside the lecture hall etc. We are from fairly similar backgrounds but the alarm bells started going off when she wanted to look around my room in the first few weeks to make sure I was the “ right sort”. She gave me the cold shoulder for a few weeks and then out of the blue (around November) texted me while I was getting ready to go out about a “ fifth potential housemate dropping out” and if “ I’d be interested to fill it”. I had guessed she had been prompted to do so as she realised ( quite literally) I had made some friends and had seen me coming in with them to work on an assignment.She became pushy and asked if I’d been looking around with “ those girls” until eventually I had to say I wasn’t interested. Afterwards whenever I bump into her in the kitchen ( I’ve been avoiding going in a lot more) or she’ll make a quick beeline for the door or avoid me when we’re in the flat together. Since coming back from Christmas break, I’ve only see her once. Part of me got a little upset she didn’t want to be at least good acquaintances but I’ve learnt over the years to be cautious with people like that so maybe it’s for the best.

The other girl in the flat seemed nice initially and friendly but is very loud, outgoing and sociable. She’ll make small talk once and awhile but it’s hard to really do anything with her as she very much keeps to her own group. To make matters worse she’s the type to have friends over at late hours during weekdays without warning at the last minute or making noise in the early hours etc. At first I put it down to maybe blowing off steam or getting a taste of freedom so turned a blind eye but it soon became random to the point of insanely affecting my sleep schedule. I wouldn’t of had a problem if it was a weekend but not when I’m trying to be up early for lectures.I was scared to confront her alone or make things awkward so I kept quiet for awhile and hoped she’d maybe calm down a little after Christmas. Short answer: no, she didn’t. Eventually I made a noise complaint and called the security guard. I didn’t want to as I knew from an acquaintance as they’re not discreet but it did seem to get the message across a little as the noise has turned down to maybe about 10:30ish /
11:00ish and I haven’t seen her since December .

The other thing is she’s fairly clean and tidy ( except from when there’s people over ) so no problems there but she’s also the nagging type. I don’t have a problem entirely as I appreciate sometimes people “forget” but it started becoming annoying when there’d be “prompt”
texts about tidying up or a magical rotor which appeared without consultation on which days you’re available . I tried to be helpful even before the rotor and help with the bins, cleaning the surfaces , hoovering etc but it soon become a bit of a case of her texting about having “ done all the chores” and photographs to follow. Eventually I started giving up a little with the cleaning when others started neglecting duties or I’d see this girl
moaning about being a “personal cleaner” for us . I know it’s a little petty and I will still take the bins out and clean up after myself but it’s pretty pointless otherwise.

The two boys are very different so don’t have a lot to do with one another. One of the lads is very extroverted. He went a bit wild at the start with flat
parties but had calmed down a lot. He occasionally has friends over once and awhile without warning but it’s more of a case of being awkward by not cleaning up after himself or sitting in the kitchen without headphones watching shows, loud phone calls, watching football full volume etc. The other lad was a late arrival and is very reserved and serious . I get being quiet (as I am) but he’s a bit stand-offish with it. My first encounter was in the kitchen regarding me to move my things out of a cupboard. I should put things into perspective in saying it’s not a massive kitchen but it was very
much first come first serve with cupboards.
The loud girl and boy grabbed most of them leaving me and the other girl with only a few. I remember asking him if he’d asked them only to be told he had and I had the “ most space” ( I didn’t). I did so but it definitely left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth and trying to engage in small conversation with him too. To make things funnier he’s also used the group chat as a platform to push the agenda of cleaning and even left a bin bag outside the other lad’s door “ to remind” him to clean. I’m partially lucky in that I live a few hours away from uni so have been going home at weekends and support week when I can but I’m too far to commute for the rest of the year (transport isn’t the most reliable where I am) so I’ll have to grin and bear it.


I apologize for the long rant but sort of needed to get off my chest too! I know we don’t have long left and I’m certainly counting down the days to moving out. I am lucky in that I’ve found a good group to share with for next year but has anyone else been or is in a similar situation? Is is that weird to have a group of flat mates like this?

Hello,

Sorry to hear about your situation. This is common with most student/shared accommodations, getting good flat mates is normally out of luck because everyone is coming from different countries, different homes, have different attitudes, different friend groups, different ideas/values and most times are not looking to socialize. From what you said, I felt like you have lived with my flat mates They are actually really nice but as human beings, we all have bad habits or behaviors and you might not know what your own problem is.
So to answer your question, it is not weird but really normal and a little piece of advice is to keep doing what you are doing but don't overwork yourself trying to get them to talk, and at times confront them about any issues you have with them if you feel comfortable doing so. But what I do in my own shared accommodation is just to live with it and if I have any problems I tell them and we find a solution, mind my business, try and socialize sometimes and make friends with people that actually want to be friends with me. Also, I look at it as a means for growth and development, learning how to live with people, tolerate different behaviors and handle different situations. Hope this helps!

Benedicta- University of Sunderland Student Ambassador