The Student Room Group

Making friends

I honestly feel like I'm invisible to my flatmates they don't talk to me or invite me on their nights out. I love my course but I'm really considering dropping out. What should I do?
Since you enjoy your course then I wouldn't suggest dropping out.

Don't worry if you feel invisible to your flatmates, I made most of my friends that I go out with from my course and not in the accommodation. If you want to go out with your flatmates, try talking to them when you see them around and by seeing them more, you'll get more involved in the things they do and their nights out. If you want, try organise things to do together, it can be as simple as everyone in the flat trying to cook a meal together or you can suggest places to go for a night out.

I know this will sound cliché but trust me things will get better - it's really early into the year - so don't feel like you have to drop out.
Original post by Anonymous
I honestly feel like I'm invisible to my flatmates they don't talk to me or invite me on their nights out. I love my course but I'm really considering dropping out. What should I do?

Hiya,
Sorry to hear that you feel excluded and that you are thinking of dropping out. I would certainly discourage dropping out because you shouldn't let others impact your future and stop you from studying and gaining your degree.
If it is possible you could try speaking to or messaging your flatmates to ask to maybe have a flat dinner together or a movie night/meet up. It may be that they are unintentionally excluding you.
Alternatively, you could try going along to a society to meet others who have similar interests and hobbies. Although the semester has started most clubs allow you to join at any stage.
You say that you love your course - perhaps there are people on your course that you could get to know and form friends with?
Hopefully as everything settles post-freshers and as courses pick up and exam season comes closer things will improve and you will find people to spend time with and socialise.
Catherine - University of Strathclyde Student Ambassador
Original post by Anonymous
I honestly feel like I'm invisible to my flatmates they don't talk to me or invite me on their nights out. I love my course but I'm really considering dropping out. What should I do?


Hi there,

I'm sorry to read that you're feeling invisible to your flatmates. I want to remind you that this is more common than you think. A uni flat is typically just a random allocation - you're with such a selection of people that it makes sense that you may feel that you haven't settled in immediately. It can take time to find your people. I would advise you to join a few societies of interest and try to chat with people on your course and I'm sure that you'll find some good connections. If you're comfortable, I'd suggest giving your housemates a chance and try to chat with them a see what happens.

In the meantime, I'd suggest being nice to yourself. Building connections with the right people takes time - focus on your course and do things that you enjoy.

I hope it helps a little!

All the best,

Jaz - Cardiff student rep
Original post by Anonymous
I honestly feel like I'm invisible to my flatmates they don't talk to me or invite me on their nights out. I love my course but I'm really considering dropping out. What should I do?

Hi Anon,

I'm sorry to read that you're feeling this way and considering dropping out. I would discourage you from dropping out though, especially if you love your course, as there are many other opportunities to make friends.

It's still quite early in the year, so I'd suggest trying to talk to your flatmates and organize a time to do something with them. Maybe a movie night or a night out? They might not realize they're excluding you, and they might be thankful to know you feel this way. It might also be a good idea to talk with some people on your course and make friends that way, or join a sport or society to branch out.

It will take time to find your people, but don't let that discourage you.

I hope this helps!
Isabella
Original post by Anonymous
I honestly feel like I'm invisible to my flatmates they don't talk to me or invite me on their nights out. I love my course but I'm really considering dropping out. What should I do?


Hi there

I am sorry to hear that you are upset.

I would not recommend dropping out of your course just because of others.

In my experience, it is quite normal not to be friends with flatmates, and there is no pressure to do so. You may have different personalities or interests, so do not over worry about not friending your flatmates. Most my friends either came from my course or societies that I joined. I would recommend giving societies a try! :smile:

If you would like to get to know your flatmates better, you could always invite them to attend events together or just having a flat dinner. Meeting the right people and making close friends does take time, so keep trying different activities, and I am sure you will meet some lovely people! :smile:

Hope this helps, and all the best!
Chloe
-University of Kent Student Rep
Original post by Anonymous
I honestly feel like I'm invisible to my flatmates they don't talk to me or invite me on their nights out. I love my course but I'm really considering dropping out. What should I do?


Hello there

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way, but please know that you're not alone in feeling this way. Many students, particularly those in their first year, have comparable feelings of loneliness, which is more prevalent than you might believe. It's critical to remember that your happiness and well-being are important, and there are steps you can do to solve this circumstance.

First and foremost, I want to reassure you that your academic journey is meaningful and worthwhile. You indicated your enthusiasm for the course, which is a terrific starting point. It is common to have difficulties when adjusting to university life, but they do not define your overall experience.

While it may seem intimidating at first, try striking up a discussion with your flatmates. Share your passions, inquire about theirs, or simply invite them to a casual conversation. Sometimes it only takes one modest step to break the ice. If you feel at ease, participate in some of the social activities or meetings arranged by your dorm or by student organizations and societies. It's an excellent method to meet new people and make new friends.

Counseling and student support are most likely available at your university. Don't be afraid to reach out and talk about your thoughts with a professional who can help. Given your enthusiasm for the course, consider connecting with classmates who share your intellectual interests. Study groups and attending course-related events can be quite beneficial.

Participating in groups or societies connected to your hobbies and interests is a great opportunity to meet new people and make connections. Building relationships takes time, so don't give up if nothing changes overnight. Continue to put yourself out there and give it time. If you're feeling brave, you may have a heart-to-heart with your flatmates about how you're feeling. They may be unaware of the consequences of their acts, and an open discussion can result in positive change.

Finally, keep in mind that you are part of a community, and there are individuals here who are concerned about your well-being. As a student, I'm here to help you as well. If you ever need to chat, guidance, or just someone to listen, please don't hesitate to contact me. You've already made the first brave step by voicing your feelings.

I believe that with time and effort, you will be able to find your place within your university community and have a rewarding academic path. Keep your head up and don't give up on your path; it's a stepping stone to a brighter future.

Take care and feel free to contact me at any moment.

I hope this is helpful.
Kind regards,
Mrunali Kalbhor,
University of Sunderland Student ambassador
Original post by Anonymous
I honestly feel like I'm invisible to my flatmates they don't talk to me or invite me on their nights out. I love my course but I'm really considering dropping out. What should I do?

Anon,

You don't have to go out with your flatmates. You could always arrange to go out with people from your course, (or as others have suggested) you could hang out with people from different societies.

If you love your course why would you even think about dropping out?

Remember that you can live with different people next year, so invest time in making friendships with people who value you and respect you!

All the best,

Oluwatosin 3rd year student University of Huddersfield

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