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not liking a guy because we're on diff academic levels AITA?

I've been in a situationship for some time now. I'm currently a first year in a Russel group uni whilst he's back in college all over again because he didn't get into uni, am I wrong for not wanting to be with him because I think we're at different stages in our lives? I feel like an ******* saying this but I feel like I deserve someone on a similar level to me? I worked hard to get to where I am in uni and now that I'm here I feel I could meet a broader range of people who are on the same academic level as me. I don't wanna diminish his efforts because I know it's not his fault that he didn't get into uni and at least he's still trying again but I just feel like we're at such different stages in life

Reply 1

jay2013

It's not that different stages. It's not like one of you is 18 years old entering university and the other has been in work for 20 years is nearly 40.

Anyway, you're at university so go forth and mingle with others. If you're meant to be with him then it'll work out that way. If not, and you meet a great guy, either at uni or on TSR 😉, then so be it.

Reply 2

Surnia

Intelligence =/= common sense. Nor does academic level determine your personal traits, like being loving, caring, trustworthy, loyal, humorous, interesting. I'm a graduate, my boyfriend isn't, but he's done some fascinating things in life.

And if I were you I wouldn't lay any great claims after using the phrase 'situationship'. Everyone's in a situation; single, acquaintance, friend, dating, boyfriend/girlfriend etc...

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 3

1582

Volunteer Team

If this was in the AITA Reddit I'd 100% respond to this with yes. You're looking down on him based on his education level.

I've three degrees. I've never felt I was above dating anyone because of this. One person I dated for 3yrs throughout my first degree didn't even graduate high school and was unemployed for the majority of our relationship. During my second undergraduate, I dated someone with a PhD, and they never made me feel as if I wasnt good enough. During my Masters, I met my current girlfriend, who was already working in the same field I have since entered upon graduating; this has its own obstacles and is something she can feel quite insecure about. Everytime it comes up, I listen and do my best to talk through what is bothering her in that particular moment.

tl;dr - Education will only causes blocks in your communication if you feel your education level somehow makes you superior.

(edited 1 year ago)

Reply 4

ThatOldGuy

Original post by Anonymous

You can not like someone because they're too tall, short, fat, skinny, dark, light, nice, mean, rich, poor, have the wrong accent or just have a generally squicky feeling about them.

It doesn't matter. If you don't want to be in a relationship with someone, don't be. If you don't like someone, it doesn't matter why. Of course, you might end up alone if you're too shallow. In that case, it's time to start working on yourself.

Reply 5

londonmyst

NTA.

It is fine for you to select the types and specific fellow adult individuals that you want to date, marry, have sex with or cohabit with based on any dealbreakers that you choose.
Accent, age, ambition, body shape, career, citizenship, family background, finances, hairstyle, health, height, hobbies, intelligence, religion, politics, wealth or weight.
Good luck!

Reply 6

Boris 2000

Original post by Anonymous

*******

Stuck up?

Sure you are so obviously on a different plane of existance lol.

Darling you're just at Uni it's no big deal anymore. The University Mill takes in students and churns out grads year in, year out, millions of them.

Is this where we are at in today's dating world, people making value judgements on who to date based on where they are at academically??? It's a poor place to be for sure, what the western world has come to.

I myself have an MA and two separate undergraduate degrees (both 2:1) but I couldn't care less if a girl didn't have any post secondary school education. I've learnt people have different qualities to bring to bear in life not just the academic is important. Chemistry is the most important thing I would like to see the rest is pretty irrelevant to me.

Reply 7

FlowerGirl2086

Here's my take on this:
1) My partner and I have very different education levels. But that's not important to me, because I love him for the person that he is. His, or my, level of education doesn't change that. Now you have to decide whether your partner's education level is important to you. Having dealbreakers is a valid personal choice, I won't police that in other people, but I think you have to be able to live with those dealbreakers and the consequences that they might have for the kind of people you potentially close yourself off to in life.
2) However, I find it interesting that you mention not only that you're at university, but that you're at a Russell Group university. This to me might be an indicator that you value the status of the education more than the discipline itself. Ask yourself, if he was studying at a non-Russell Group university (as I did, for the record), would you also be thinking that you are at "different stages in life". This part, more than any, is what would make you cross the line into being the A in my opinion. And what about other factors? What if he'd gone to university but dropped out, or not graduated with honours, or (God forbid) gotten a 2:2? I think you need to really consider the way you value education yourself, because honestly, if any of those things apply, then maybe you're the problem.
TLDR: If their level of education is a quality you personally value in a partner, then that's valid and you're NTA. If the status of that education, and where it comes from or how it's "ranked", is what matters, then you're the A. In my opinion.