How to get my brother to study for exams???

Bit of a long one so please bear with me. My brother has his AH exams coming up in just over a month. I’ve been at uni and have just come back for my Easter break so am only realising now how little revision he has done. His computing project, worth 50% of his entire grade, is due in like 12 hours time and he said he only started it a couple of days ago and that he has no intention of actually handing in a finished piece of work. Obviously it’s far too late to salvage this project now (I know absolutely nothing about coding) but I’m really hoping I can help him get it together over the next few weeks to see him through his exams in one piece.

He has an unconditional offer for uni next year so has completely checked out and just wants to be done with school. I totally understand why he has adopted this mentality (the Scottish system seriously encourages these kids to abandon school in their final year) but it still frustrates me as he’s really intelligent and could easily get top marks if he tried even a little bit. As well as this, if uni doesn’t work out for whatever reason, it would be good to have somewhat decent grades so he can reapply somewhere else or look for a job in this industry rather than minimum wage doing something he hates.

My parents have tried so hard to get him to work but he just doesn’t listen to them. They are well-meaning but have never been the best at dealing with this sort of thing. My brother is extremely shy and antisocial, and without meaning to armchair diagnose, I’d say he suffers from depression and probably anxiety. He holes up in his room all day playing chess on his computer or Xbox games, he never eats with us, never wants to tell us about his day. At this point it’s beyond typical teenager behaviour, this has been going on for so many years and it’s kinda worrying now. When we were younger he was more outgoing and used to always bother me to try and get me to play cars or diggers or something with him. I always said no (busy with my own games/writing/friends) and have regretted it ever since, our sibling relationship has never been great but I’d like that to change.

Anyway, I would like some advice as to how I can help him, obviously without forcing him or making him even more uncomfortable or upset. I am back home for the next two weeks and his school has just gone on break so my plan is to try and get him to study with me for at least a couple of hours each day together at the kitchen table as he heads into study leave. I have redownloaded Pokemon Go (one of his favourite games, not really one of mine lol) so we can break up the sessions by getting some fresh air and doing something he enjoys. My mother suggested I teach him some revision techniques as she thinks part of the problem is that he doesn’t know how to study and so avoids it, so I was planning to work with him on some blurting spider diagrams, as well as the method of teaching others - I am happy to be a listener. Obviously I have my own revision to do as I have exams coming up too but it’s important to me that he at least puts SOME effort into these exams. They’re not life-ending and definitely not worth the stress I had for them this time last year, but surely I can’t be the only person that thinks they’re worth something? Even if it’s just getting into good habits and practicing for uni next year!

I have no idea how willing he will be to cooperate with my plan, I floated the idea and he didn’t seem to hate it but I know that as soon as I try and encourage him to sit down with me next week he’ll likely just retreat back into his room, lock the door, and put his headphones on. If anyone has any more suggestions for what I can do to make him understand why these exams are still important, or ways to support him with his studies or general mental health, I am all ears. Alternatively, if you think I’m coming at this the wrong way, please let me know and I’ll readjust my strategy - the last thing I want to do is overwhelm him and push him away! Many thanks for reading this far.

TLDR: my brother has no motivation to study for his imminent exams - how can I support him and encourage him to achieve his potential?

bump on this :smile:

bump again- could really use some advice as my mother is now only escalating the situation further by yelling at us all lmao

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

another bump attempt lol

Reply 4

sciencegcsesss

I’m sorry to hear this and it seems to me that you’re doing everything right. I don’t know anything about psychology/siblings/therapy but maybe honestly just try talking to him and ask if he’s doing this for deeper reasons? Watch a motivational video with him? Tell him to do it for only 5 mins and he can do whatever he wants?