The Student Room Group

This is why online dating is a minefield (for a guy in his mid thirties)

So we know online dating is terrible.

people are either after a hook up or something serious and I'm after neiher

(if I want laid fast and fancy free I'd get an escort)

So I'm a male in my mid thirties.

Pretty good looking I would say but that isn't the issue

What do people want on these freaking things?

For me it's hard to find the "sweet spot".

If I get any matches at all and presuming there's a physical attraction.

Which is hard in itself..

Girls under 30 tend to want the boujie influencer life. The aesthetic is there, insta in profile, exotic locations, tall buildings at night with a glass of champagne in their hand. OK love but who's gonna bankroll that?

That's if they haven't got mulitple children.

And this isn't a gender-orientated dig.

I'm merely saying it from a male perspective.

Girls 35-45 tend to be a bit more mature, their kids may be older, that's great, I don't want to adopt anyone's babies.

So I can vibe with that.

They've lived life they've experienced things they don't want it all on a silver platter. As sorry (and this might not go down well on a student forum but it's TRUE.

The younger generation are looking for the next get rich quick scheme.

Which is fine.

But their online aesthetic is all about it and to me it's off-putting.

Just the thing is with online dating these still attractive (sorry but there has to be an element of physical attraction) older women aren't there. Or I'm looking in the wrong places.

Tinder is a no. Bumble is like Dubai on an online dating platform. never tried POF but heard bad things.

Where do I look ?

Reply 1

I kind of relate, from a hetero female perception though.
I tried OKcupid at some point and experienced quite similar things ... from the other side of the coin tho

Fortunately I´m currently in a satisfying relationship, so I´m not looking for a distraction
Apps/Online dating are literally the worst place for a guy to look, you've summed it up pretty well from a guy's perspective I found the exact same thing.

So many female profiles on Tinder, etc done in a fancy hotel like room, stately home room or like you say the tall building nightly backdrop with a glass of champagne in her hand or a Chanel bag (or knock off version) on her. I'm pretty definite that they are all set ups done just for what lifestyle she wants to be kept in and not how she really is. It's just something about them where you can just tell that. The whole thing is just ridiculous it's like the girl setting up a false dream reality of herself and hoping the guy will be rich enough for it to come true lol.

It really is the worst thing ever that a girl can do it's like putting the finger up to 99 percent of men on there and saying she only wants a rich guy that can 'afford' her. Most of the time she's massively overdone the slap so you can't really even tell how she really looks anyway you just get a phoney looking modelish girl pic, fake tan, fake eyelashes, hair in a non-natural semi curl, tons of slap, etc.

They will then end up going with he gym rat guy and being used for sex or some guy who is making our he is rich and being used for sex. It's easy for the latter to bait a girl into sex as he just hangs out what she wants by making it look like he is rich. Dumb girl then falls for it seeing only what she wants to see the glitter of gold in front of her eyes. Most guys know you only have to be wealthy enough to put on a bit of 'a show' drop in a few hints that you are wealthy and the girl is there.

This circus act has been going on too long now by both men and women. Those men get the sex they are after, the women b*tch about the results but then continue doing the same thing hoping it will come good at some point. It's literally like they are buying into their little girl fantasy dream/Hollywood romance tale and that dating apps are the place that can deliver on this. It just ludicrous, it's like they think the dating apps are asking them for their dream reality and it will make it come true for them with a tap of a magic wand.

Reality is not like that and to be honest reality shows like Love Island and like you say Influencer lifestyle has played into that for them to make it look possibly. The reality is that few people in the UK are 'really rich' if they are lucky they might meet someone who is mildly comfortably off and that may be after a fair amount of work and they may be aging a bit. The few guys that are really rich particularly young run mile from those women as they know what they are like and they want someone who truly cares about them or won't bother dating at all. If anything they will likely go for girls who are already wealthy also as it gets away from all of that.

Main issue that not only these girls that use the dating apps out of the serious guts they also aren't looking for those guys who would be serious and don't want them. They are hoping that the gym rat or rich guy will be a serious guy lol, good luck with that one! In the meantime they end up bobbing up and down on the c*ck carousel hoping each time the guy will hold onto them, they never do. Then they get to the age of around 40 get past their sell by date and the ride stops. They are left in their own and end up in a bad way wondering whether to have a kid alone (poor kid) like a post we had in here the other day.

Dating in reality is the only way, we meet each other as we are as people can usually only keep up pretense for so long. Unfortunately women just aren't interested in meeting the everyday looking but serious guy these days in reality or online, they only want their idealised Mr Wonderful Moneybags lol.
I remember years ago a woman was on TV, she was middle aged and from a wealthy family. She had two late teenage sons, she said both wore the big standard fashion, big standard Levi jeans, etc, decent enough but nothing expensive. Neither wanted to attract the wrong sort of girl, the girl that wanted a rich guy, that just wanted them for their money. I could understand that nothing is ore horrible to a girl than some girl who is just with them for their money. It's what many girls just don't get. I know a guy who earns over £100,000k a year, he's worked incredibly hard to get there, he's in his thirties and been single forever and he never wants to let on how much he earns to women as he doesn't want to be with someone who is just there as he has money.

As yo the question where to go? I would say look abroad in poorer countries, sure some women exist there that just want a guy who has money most likely the more model type looking girls but some also exist who just want a guy who has the means to have family and is a decent all around guy. Many poorer countries all around with different dating & cultural conventions so take your pick with whatever you fancy. The girls here just aren't serious.
Reply 4
Have you tried finding a women in real life?
If you were going into the business of selling desk chairs, would you design and make the same desk chair as all the other sellers? Or would you aim to come up with something better?
Would you aim to come up with best chair you could. One that even though it may not be perfect, would be one that you'd be totally happy to sell and you'd be convinced that your chairs would enhance the desk usage experience of your customers?

Having come up with something different and better, what sort of photos would you use to advertise your chairs?
What sort of sales copy would you come up with?
Would you look to improve your advertising, by running 2 adverts in parallel and see what got better results? And would you keep on trying to get better and better adverts?
Would you advertise in multiple places? All the free places and maybe some paid for places?

Would your adverts look and read the same as just about every other chair advert? Or would they highlight the uniquness and special features of your chairs?

Would you aim to make your adverts appeal to everyone? Or would they be tailored to appeal most to the people that were most likely to buy your chairs?

Would you aim to use the most effective techniques in closing sales of your chairs, once contact with a potential customer was made?

Would you aim to be time and cost efficient with your advertising?

Would you get disheartened if you had an initial lack of sales? Or would you treat a lack of sales as feedback that you need to improve something about your chair or about the advertising or sales closure?
Original post by Surnia
Have you tried finding a women in real life?

Unfortunately harder than it sounds. I don't work with any, have any mutual friends etc etc etc etc
Reply 7
Original post by howifeltoday
Unfortunately harder than it sounds. I don't work with any, have any mutual friends etc etc etc etc

Don't you do anything other than work? Hobbies, sports, volunteering, plenty of opportunities to meet like-minded people. I know people who met someone working in a shop, at a football match, in a nightclub, as housemates, needing help after falling off a bike; they are now in long-term relationships or married. I've never met anyone who got together through dating apps.

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