Should I give him another chance?

I met this guy last year that I see with mutual friends on average once a week. At first we were close, he was sweet to me when we hung out, we could speak for hours and I felt so comfortable around him. I developed a crush on him and I felt it was mutual as he told me he liked me. Apparently he didn’t like me that way but wanted to stay friends. He said he wanted to support me through life and wanted to become close friends. I decided to be happy being friends, as the crush was very short lived anyway, it wasn’t too serious and I liked him as a person so liked the idea of having a good friend (I’d been backstabbed by friends in the past when I’m so nice to them, so I’ve found it hard to trust people again).

After this, he then did not talk to me for months. When we were with friends, he would only talk to me in a group, not alone, and sometimes just didn’t appear at all. I texted him once and he responded a month later. That made me feel like everything he said was a lie and I’d wished he’d been honest when I asked him if he would rather not be friends anymore after I confessed to him. He didn’t have to pretend to be nice to me.

So I spoke to him about how I felt lied to. I didn’t tell him what to do or force him to change, I just said how I felt. Surprisingly he said he noticed I was distant but didn’t say anything because he was scared of confrontation. (Though the mature thing to have done was to just talk to me and be honest). He said he wanted to change and said he’s just bad at communication in general, but wants to improve. He said he knows I put so much effort into the friendship whilst he doesn’t. He said he generally doesn’t use his phone, but I have seen him use his phone lots of times, it’s not like he never uses it, and surely 1 month is more than enough to get back to someone if you wanted to. I knew that if I never spoke to him, nothing would have happened though.

Afterwards he did actually make the effort to fix the friendship. He texted me everyday. Though every time I texted him I had a negative feeling of ‘what if he doesn’t respond?’ ‘What if he lets me down again?’ and waiting for his response in fear of him never responding. I know it was unhealthy. I didn’t feel like I trusted him yet after everything that happened. I had an idea to ask him to hang out with just the two of us, to settle the air between us, and to settle my mind, to show that our friendship is real as we hadn’t hung out alone for a long time and I missed how easily we get along.

He didn’t respond, and for weeks I spiralled into negative thoughts again: why was I dumb enough to think this wouldn’t happen again? What did I say wrong? Was he lying about wanting to be my friend again? Does he not want to meet me? Especially after having back and forth conversations daily, this crushed me as I thought it was actually going well but then I was back to square one.

Recently he finally responded after weeks, apologising for the delayed response and said he had a lot of personal problems (he explained) to deal with. He then said he did want to hang out with me.

I don’t know what to do. Part of me empathises with his personal issues, but then the other part of me says I shouldn’t give him another chance to let me down, especially after how bad and uncertain he made me feel over the past few weeks. That pain is something that I can’t just turn off and act as if everything is okay. It’s not healthy and I don’t like how he’s made me feel with all the uncertainty. It is a rollercoaster of emotions.

He is a reserved person with only few friends, (he says he’s grateful to have me in his life) and he did say he barely uses his phone, but I just can’t understand someone taking that long to respond to people, especially as he did show in the past that it was possible to message daily.

I’m sorry this was long, I just thought I’d give context on the situation, but any advice would be appreciated.

I met this guy last year that I see with mutual friends on average once a week. At first we were close, he was sweet to me when we hung out, we could speak for hours and I felt so comfortable around him. I developed a crush on him and I felt it was mutual as he told me he liked me. Apparently he didn’t like me that way but wanted to stay friends. He said he wanted to support me through life and wanted to become close friends. I decided to be happy being friends, as the crush was very short lived anyway, it wasn’t too serious and I liked him as a person so liked the idea of having a good friend (I’d been backstabbed by friends in the past when I’m so nice to them, so I’ve found it hard to trust people again).

After this, he then did not talk to me for months. When we were with friends, he would only talk to me in a group, not alone, and sometimes just didn’t appear at all. I texted him once and he responded a month later. That made me feel like everything he said was a lie and I’d wished he’d been honest when I asked him if he would rather not be friends anymore after I confessed to him. He didn’t have to pretend to be nice to me.

So I spoke to him about how I felt lied to. I didn’t tell him what to do or force him to change, I just said how I felt. Surprisingly he said he noticed I was distant but didn’t say anything because he was scared of confrontation. (Though the mature thing to have done was to just talk to me and be honest). He said he wanted to change and said he’s just bad at communication in general, but wants to improve. He said he knows I put so much effort into the friendship whilst he doesn’t. He said he generally doesn’t use his phone, but I have seen him use his phone lots of times, it’s not like he never uses it, and surely 1 month is more than enough to get back to someone if you wanted to. I knew that if I never spoke to him, nothing would have happened though.

Afterwards he did actually make the effort to fix the friendship. He texted me everyday. Though every time I texted him I had a negative feeling of ‘what if he doesn’t respond?’ ‘What if he lets me down again?’ and waiting for his response in fear of him never responding. I know it was unhealthy. I didn’t feel like I trusted him yet after everything that happened. I had an idea to ask him to hang out with just the two of us, to settle the air between us, and to settle my mind, to show that our friendship is real as we hadn’t hung out alone for a long time and I missed how easily we get along.

He didn’t respond, and for weeks I spiralled into negative thoughts again: why was I dumb enough to think this wouldn’t happen again? What did I say wrong? Was he lying about wanting to be my friend again? Does he not want to meet me? Especially after having back and forth conversations daily, this crushed me as I thought it was actually going well but then I was back to square one.

Recently he finally responded after weeks, apologising for the delayed response and said he had a lot of personal problems (he explained) to deal with. He then said he did want to hang out with me.

I don’t know what to do. Part of me empathises with his personal issues, but then the other part of me says I shouldn’t give him another chance to let me down, especially after how bad and uncertain he made me feel over the past few weeks. That pain is something that I can’t just turn off and act as if everything is okay. It’s not healthy and I don’t like how he’s made me feel with all the uncertainty. It is a rollercoaster of emotions.

He is a reserved person with only few friends, (he says he’s grateful to have me in his life) and he did say he barely uses his phone, but I just can’t understand someone taking that long to respond to people, especially as he did show in the past that it was possible to message daily.

I’m sorry this was long, I just thought I’d give context on the situation, but any advice would be appreciated.

I met this guy last year that I see with mutual friends on average once a week. At first we were close, he was sweet to me when we hung out, we could speak for hours and I felt so comfortable around him. I developed a crush on him and I felt it was mutual as he told me he liked me. Apparently he didn’t like me that way but wanted to stay friends. He said he wanted to support me through life and wanted to become close friends. I decided to be happy being friends, as the crush was very short lived anyway, it wasn’t too serious and I liked him as a person so liked the idea of having a good friend (I’d been backstabbed by friends in the past when I’m so nice to them, so I’ve found it hard to trust people again).

After this, he then did not talk to me for months. When we were with friends, he would only talk to me in a group, not alone, and sometimes just didn’t appear at all. I texted him once and he responded a month later. That made me feel like everything he said was a lie and I’d wished he’d been honest when I asked him if he would rather not be friends anymore after I confessed to him. He didn’t have to pretend to be nice to me.

So I spoke to him about how I felt lied to. I didn’t tell him what to do or force him to change, I just said how I felt. Surprisingly he said he noticed I was distant but didn’t say anything because he was scared of confrontation. (Though the mature thing to have done was to just talk to me and be honest). He said he wanted to change and said he’s just bad at communication in general, but wants to improve. He said he knows I put so much effort into the friendship whilst he doesn’t. He said he generally doesn’t use his phone, but I have seen him use his phone lots of times, it’s not like he never uses it, and surely 1 month is more than enough to get back to someone if you wanted to. I knew that if I never spoke to him, nothing would have happened though.

Afterwards he did actually make the effort to fix the friendship. He texted me everyday. Though every time I texted him I had a negative feeling of ‘what if he doesn’t respond?’ ‘What if he lets me down again?’ and waiting for his response in fear of him never responding. I know it was unhealthy. I didn’t feel like I trusted him yet after everything that happened. I had an idea to ask him to hang out with just the two of us, to settle the air between us, and to settle my mind, to show that our friendship is real as we hadn’t hung out alone for a long time and I missed how easily we get along.

He didn’t respond, and for weeks I spiralled into negative thoughts again: why was I dumb enough to think this wouldn’t happen again? What did I say wrong? Was he lying about wanting to be my friend again? Does he not want to meet me? Especially after having back and forth conversations daily, this crushed me as I thought it was actually going well but then I was back to square one.

Recently he finally responded after weeks, apologising for the delayed response and said he had a lot of personal problems (he explained) to deal with. He then said he did want to hang out with me.

I don’t know what to do. Part of me empathises with his personal issues, but then the other part of me says I shouldn’t give him another chance to let me down, especially after how bad and uncertain he made me feel over the past few weeks. That pain is something that I can’t just turn off and act as if everything is okay. It’s not healthy and I don’t like how he’s made me feel with all the uncertainty. It is a rollercoaster of emotions.

He is a reserved person with only few friends, (he says he’s grateful to have me in his life) and he did say he barely uses his phone, but I just can’t understand someone taking that long to respond to people, especially as he did show in the past that it was possible to message daily.

I’m sorry this was long, I just thought I’d give context on the situation, but any advice would be appreciated.

Move on he's not into you and likes messing you around

No, he’s not messing her around. What are you on?

He stopped talking to her for months

Because he had personal issues.

I don’t think he’s messing her around, but similarly it doesn’t take much time and effort to let someone know you have personal issues so you are stepping away from the friendship for a time. He literally stopped talking to her without warning/notice.

I don’t think he’s messing her around, but similarly it doesn’t take much time and effort to let someone know you have personal issues so you are stepping away from the friendship for a time. He literally stopped talking to her without warning/notice.

Dear Anonymous #1
I think that what you need to do is follow your heart. Or your Brain. But it sounds like he put a lot of effort into your friendship. My mom in me is saying give him another chance. If it was personal problems that held him back then don't worry about it. But my me in me is saying this has happened to me before.
Is the conversation during the day when he made a effort to respond dull. Like he wanted to try and text you but he didn't want to? Or was it conversations that would last for hours? If it was the first one I recommend confronting him, or unfriending him. If it was the second one give him another shot. Now that's my advice to you. Be strong it doesn't matter what others think. And if he can't see your worth and is backstabbing you or something he is not worth you time and he is blind.
With love <3
V0ID

I was in the same exact situation!!!
He treated me differently and told me I wasn't like other girls, he even sent me cute songs about how he wanted me to be his, but all that went away when I left him on seen for 2 days (I felt bad about that), and then he started airing me. I enjoyed his presence, we flirted a lot too. I changed my mindset to just being friends with him, and when I did that, talking to him became so easy. But then I went back to the downward negative spiral because that one conversation invoked so many emotions, he gave me reasons as to why he was busy and they were valid, but I also thought how busy can one be yk? But then again guys are pretty strange when it comes to expressing their emotions, I think he believes keeping you away from his personal problems is a way of making sure you stay in his life (as weird as it sounds)
Anyways, we spoke after every few hours, and eventually, he left me on delivered for a week, he texted me after, but I chose not to let him mess w me and haven't replied to him for a week too. As much as I liked his attention, genuine kindness and presence in my life, I thought it was a bit too much for me, especially when I had just recently gotten out of a 3 year relationship. I'm quite content with myself these days and found myself to be very happy when you realise that you're all you need, that's when everything becomes easier, rely on your friends and start doing activities you enjoy doing on your own, I for one love spoiling myself with food and watching movies alone!

Because he had personal issues.

I don’t think he’s messing her around, but similarly it doesn’t take much time and effort to let someone know you have personal issues so you are stepping away from the friendship for a time. He literally stopped talking to her without warning/notice.

Exactly if he really liked her then he wouldn't have ghosted her for that long

@Miss Paige @Kschu @V0ID and everyone else, I can’t tag Anons, and anyone else who’s willing to share their advice.

What do I do? I do feel bad because the personal issue does involve family and I do care and hope that his family are okay. But I don’t like how he ghosted me again. I feel like he probably isn’t doing this on purpose as he is so socially unaware, but that doesn’t take away from the fact he made me feel like crap again,even if it was unintentional. I haven’t responded to him yet either, I feel like I need time to process. I can’t be uncertain and angry and low towards him for the past few weeks and then suddenly be happy that he responded to me.

Also I don’t want to sound so demanding as we are literally just friends, he has no obligation to respond to me, he’s not my boyfriend. But I guess a friend should respond reasonably quick, not after weeks, right? Especially after he said he would put more effort in. But am I asking for too much?

What should I say to him? I am kind of wanting to show him that his silence made me upset after what happened before, but I do genuinely feel bad about his family

So I do have an update and would appreciate any advice, even from people who have just seen this now. I’m really desperate to hear back from anyone right now because I don’t know what to do, and frankly I’m quite angry and frustrated.

I responded to his message saying I understand his situation and not to worry about the delay in response, because I did genuinely empathise with him. However, he responded A WEEK LATER saying he will let me know over the weekend (this weekend just gone), about which days he would want to hang out. So I thought, okay that’s cool, he’ll respond over the weekend. Ha, no. I ended up asking him today because I actually had other plans with other people in the pipeline and thought I should tell him my availability. Tbh he shouldn’t have put that time limit on himself, because it made me expect that of him. He then responded saying he will let me know.

I don’t know, I just feel like he is full of ********. Idk if I sound like I’m making a big deal out of nothing, but when this has been happening over and over again I just feel like I can’t be in this waiting game anymore. It’s not healthy, the rollercoaster of emotions he is putting me through. I understand the personal issues but it just seems like a repeated ‘I’ll come back to you’ but then never does. What should I say to him?