The Student Room Group

I can’t live with my autistic sister anymore.

Everyday I dread waking up, what will today bring? Life is just so hard at the moment and it will be a lie if I say my sister isn’t a huge burden to the family. I’m scared I’m going to start resenting her.

I know she can’t help it and it’s not her fault but it’s putting a huge strain on the family. She’s 18 now and all she does is eat everything and watches tv. She will become aggressive if she doesn’t have a takeaway everyday and is always horrible to my mum and dad. It outs such a strain in their relationship and they tend to always argue. She’s just getting bigger and more aggressive, she has outbursts all the time and can be really dangerous. It never use to be like this, I feel like as she gets older she’s starting to decline, she’s not very able she doesn’t understand money or time she can’t really fend for herself my mum has to look after her. She can walk and talk and socialise to an extent. This causes problems as my mum can’t work a proper job as she has to be there for my sister, she works as a dinner lady as it’s only for a couple hours during the day which is manageable.

My sister refuses to go to any school or college, she’s rather stay at home and stuff her face. My mum never gets to go out or see her friends anymore and my dad has a hard time dealing with my sister; they clash a lot and are always arguing.

The house has become a miserable place to be in, it’s full of shouting and banging and once my sister is in a rage that’s it - things get broken and the foul language that leaves her mouth is shocking. I’m surprised the neighbours haven’t called the police. I’m scared to invite anyone round as I never know how the night will pan out and would be so embarrassed if my friends/relationships ever had to see that.

I’m currently at university so for the past two years I’ve managed to escape it however I’m on a placement year this year so I’m currently living at home and I can’t stand it anymore. I stay in my bedroom pretty much the whole time because I can’t deal with my sister and her attitude. She doesn’t do anything for herself, she’s lazy and doesn’t care about how she looks or how she treats people. She’s self centred everything has to be about her and what she wants to do. The weekends are planned around her mood and most of the time days out ends in arguments.

Day to day life isn’t simple as everything has to be a routine and god forbid if it doesn’t go her way, we can’t drive a certain route or we can’t shop at a certain shop, the tv has to be blasting loud and the door to the living room has to always be shut. It’s the small things that build up and create bigger problems. I’m dreading finishing uni and having to live at home full time, there’s no way I can afford to move out anytime soon but I feel like if I continue to live my life like this I’ll become more depressed as the days go by, it’s already bad enough we moved house and now I’m 45-60 mins away from my friends.

None of my friends understand what I have to deal with all the time and the worse thing is it’s always me that has to calm my sister down when she has a meltdown bc she only listen to me - well when she wants to - and it’s extremely draining and sometimes I can’t deal with it and I lash out and become really mean. I honestly don’t understand how my mum does ir, she doesn’t get a break and my dad isn’t much help - she’s asked the council, nhs, previous schools, anyone who’ll listen but she gets no help and has to deal with it alone. I’ve considered staying in a hotel a couple nights a week just to get away from it but it isn’t practical and I don’t have the money for it.

I just wish I could have a sibling like my friends do and have that bond. She’s 18 and I’m 22 we should be close and be going out clubbing etc together but realistically she’s about 5-8 and we couldn’t be anymore different. I’m worried for when my mum and dad pass, what am I meant to do with her ? Am I meant to take her on? She can never live independently, what does her future hold ? I just wish I could meet someone who understands

I don’t hate her or autistic people but life is very draining and I envy the people who get to live normal lives, I know it isn’t her fault and I know she wants to be “normal” as well but this constant dread and worry of what the next day will bring and what the mood of the house will be isn’t healthy.
Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
Everyday I dread waking up, what will today bring? Life is just so hard at the moment and it will be a lie if I say my sister isn’t a huge burden to the family. I’m scared I’m going to start resenting her.

I know she can’t help it and it’s not her fault but it’s putting a huge strain on the family. She’s 18 now and all she does is eat everything and watches tv. She will become aggressive if she doesn’t have a takeaway everyday and is always horrible to my mum and dad. It outs such a strain in their relationship and they tend to always argue. She’s just getting bigger and more aggressive, she has outbursts all the time and can be really dangerous. It never use to be like this, I feel like as she gets older she’s starting to decline, she’s not very able she doesn’t understand money or time she can’t really fend for herself my mum has to look after her. She can walk and talk and socialise to an extent. This causes problems as my mum can’t work a proper job as she has to be there for my sister, she works as a dinner lady as it’s only for a couple hours during the day which is manageable.

My sister refuses to go to any school or college, she’s rather stay at home and stuff her face. My mum never gets to go out or see her friends anymore and my dad has a hard time dealing with my sister; they clash a lot and are always arguing.

The house has become a miserable place to be in, it’s full of shouting and banging and once my sister is in a rage that’s it - things get broken and the foul language that leaves her mouth is shocking. I’m surprised the neighbours haven’t called the police. I’m scared to invite anyone round as I never know how the night will pan out and would be so embarrassed if my friends/relationships ever had to see that.

I’m currently at university so for the past two years I’ve managed to escape it however I’m on a placement year this year so I’m currently living at home and I can’t stand it anymore. I stay in my bedroom pretty much the whole time because I can’t deal with my sister and her attitude. She doesn’t do anything for herself, she’s lazy and doesn’t care about how she looks or how she treats people. She’s self centred everything has to be about her and what she wants to do. The weekends are planned around her mood and most of the time days out ends in arguments.

Day to day life isn’t simple as everything has to be a routine and god forbid if it doesn’t go her way, we can’t drive a certain route or we can’t shop at a certain shop, the tv has to be blasting loud and the door to the living room has to always be shut. It’s the small things that build up and create bigger problems. I’m dreading finishing uni and having to live at home full time, there’s no way I can afford to move out anytime soon but I feel like if I continue to live my life like this I’ll become more depressed as the days go by, it’s already bad enough we moved house and now I’m 45-60 mins away from my friends.

None of my friends understand what I have to deal with all the time and the worse thing is it’s always me that has to calm my sister down when she has a meltdown bc she only listen to me - well when she wants to - and it’s extremely draining and sometimes I can’t deal with it and I lash out and become really mean. I honestly don’t understand how my mum does ir, she doesn’t get a break and my dad isn’t much help - she’s asked the council, nhs, previous schools, anyone who’ll listen but she gets no help and has to deal with it alone. I’ve considered staying in a hotel a couple nights a week just to get away from it but it isn’t practical and I don’t have the money for it.

I just wish I could have a sibling like my friends do and have that bond. She’s 18 and I’m 22 we should be close and be going out clubbing etc together but realistically she’s about 5-8 and we couldn’t be anymore different. I’m worried for when my mum and dad pass, what am I meant to do with her ? Am I meant to take her on? She can never live independently, what does her future hold ? I just wish I could meet someone who understands

I don’t hate her or autistic people but life is very draining and I envy the people who get to live normal lives, I know it isn’t her fault and I know she wants to be “normal” as well but this constant dread and worry of what the next day will bring and what the mood of the house will be isn’t healthy.

I have the same issue dude, my sister is too much, I thought it was just me.
Reply 2
Apart from the laziness and the age, like mines a bit younger than your sister and mines luckily out really often but when she isn't things can be bad. Can you please try to reply quick because I have always wanted someone to relate with
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
Everyday I dread waking up, what will today bring? Life is just so hard at the moment and it will be a lie if I say my sister isn’t a huge burden to the family. I’m scared I’m going to start resenting her.

I know she can’t help it and it’s not her fault but it’s putting a huge strain on the family. She’s 18 now and all she does is eat everything and watches tv. She will become aggressive if she doesn’t have a takeaway everyday and is always horrible to my mum and dad. It outs such a strain in their relationship and they tend to always argue. She’s just getting bigger and more aggressive, she has outbursts all the time and can be really dangerous. It never use to be like this, I feel like as she gets older she’s starting to decline, she’s not very able she doesn’t understand money or time she can’t really fend for herself my mum has to look after her. She can walk and talk and socialise to an extent. This causes problems as my mum can’t work a proper job as she has to be there for my sister, she works as a dinner lady as it’s only for a couple hours during the day which is manageable.

My sister refuses to go to any school or college, she’s rather stay at home and stuff her face. My mum never gets to go out or see her friends anymore and my dad has a hard time dealing with my sister; they clash a lot and are always arguing.

The house has become a miserable place to be in, it’s full of shouting and banging and once my sister is in a rage that’s it - things get broken and the foul language that leaves her mouth is shocking. I’m surprised the neighbours haven’t called the police. I’m scared to invite anyone round as I never know how the night will pan out and would be so embarrassed if my friends/relationships ever had to see that.

I’m currently at university so for the past two years I’ve managed to escape it however I’m on a placement year this year so I’m currently living at home and I can’t stand it anymore. I stay in my bedroom pretty much the whole time because I can’t deal with my sister and her attitude. She doesn’t do anything for herself, she’s lazy and doesn’t care about how she looks or how she treats people. She’s self centred everything has to be about her and what she wants to do. The weekends are planned around her mood and most of the time days out ends in arguments.

Day to day life isn’t simple as everything has to be a routine and god forbid if it doesn’t go her way, we can’t drive a certain route or we can’t shop at a certain shop, the tv has to be blasting loud and the door to the living room has to always be shut. It’s the small things that build up and create bigger problems. I’m dreading finishing uni and having to live at home full time, there’s no way I can afford to move out anytime soon but I feel like if I continue to live my life like this I’ll become more depressed as the days go by, it’s already bad enough we moved house and now I’m 45-60 mins away from my friends.

None of my friends understand what I have to deal with all the time and the worse thing is it’s always me that has to calm my sister down when she has a meltdown bc she only listen to me - well when she wants to - and it’s extremely draining and sometimes I can’t deal with it and I lash out and become really mean. I honestly don’t understand how my mum does ir, she doesn’t get a break and my dad isn’t much help - she’s asked the council, nhs, previous schools, anyone who’ll listen but she gets no help and has to deal with it alone. I’ve considered staying in a hotel a couple nights a week just to get away from it but it isn’t practical and I don’t have the money for it.

I just wish I could have a sibling like my friends do and have that bond. She’s 18 and I’m 22 we should be close and be going out clubbing etc together but realistically she’s about 5-8 and we couldn’t be anymore different. I’m worried for when my mum and dad pass, what am I meant to do with her ? Am I meant to take her on? She can never live independently, what does her future hold ? I just wish I could meet someone who understands

I don’t hate her or autistic people but life is very draining and I envy the people who get to live normal lives, I know it isn’t her fault and I know she wants to be “normal” as well but this constant dread and worry of what the next day will bring and what the mood of the house will be isn’t healthy.


My sister isn't autistic but I used to resent her so much. For me it was also the little things like how loud she chewed, she talked so much that I couldn't get a word in, she was always bossy and arrogant, she'd make us late, she always made my mum angry and then my mum would shout at my dad but she didn't care, she always snitched on me and said my parents should be more strict on me and what was most frustrating was that whenever I tried to offer my opinion she'd make fun of me or tell me to shut up and my parents would agree because I'm 5 years younger. I ended up wasting alot of time reading books and trying to escape.

Nowadays, I think I realised that I was just angry because of other things in my life and her small things made me want to blow. I just couldn't deal with her as well and there was nothing I could do to make her change. Now I try to save some energy to just enjoy time with my family and even though she's hard to relate to because she's 5 years older just spending time with her without expecting her to live up to my standards made me alot more relaxed. Don't try to change your sister just try to be kind and have certain limits where you can express your anger instead of holding it in. How your parents feel and are coping is not your burden to bear until you've sorted out your relationship with your sister.
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
Everyday I dread waking up, what will today bring? Life is just so hard at the moment and it will be a lie if I say my sister isn’t a huge burden to the family. I’m scared I’m going to start resenting her.

I know she can’t help it and it’s not her fault but it’s putting a huge strain on the family. She’s 18 now and all she does is eat everything and watches tv. She will become aggressive if she doesn’t have a takeaway everyday and is always horrible to my mum and dad. It outs such a strain in their relationship and they tend to always argue. She’s just getting bigger and more aggressive, she has outbursts all the time and can be really dangerous. It never use to be like this, I feel like as she gets older she’s starting to decline, she’s not very able she doesn’t understand money or time she can’t really fend for herself my mum has to look after her. She can walk and talk and socialise to an extent. This causes problems as my mum can’t work a proper job as she has to be there for my sister, she works as a dinner lady as it’s only for a couple hours during the day which is manageable.

My sister refuses to go to any school or college, she’s rather stay at home and stuff her face. My mum never gets to go out or see her friends anymore and my dad has a hard time dealing with my sister; they clash a lot and are always arguing.

The house has become a miserable place to be in, it’s full of shouting and banging and once my sister is in a rage that’s it - things get broken and the foul language that leaves her mouth is shocking. I’m surprised the neighbours haven’t called the police. I’m scared to invite anyone round as I never know how the night will pan out and would be so embarrassed if my friends/relationships ever had to see that.

I’m currently at university so for the past two years I’ve managed to escape it however I’m on a placement year this year so I’m currently living at home and I can’t stand it anymore. I stay in my bedroom pretty much the whole time because I can’t deal with my sister and her attitude. She doesn’t do anything for herself, she’s lazy and doesn’t care about how she looks or how she treats people. She’s self centred everything has to be about her and what she wants to do. The weekends are planned around her mood and most of the time days out ends in arguments.

Day to day life isn’t simple as everything has to be a routine and god forbid if it doesn’t go her way, we can’t drive a certain route or we can’t shop at a certain shop, the tv has to be blasting loud and the door to the living room has to always be shut. It’s the small things that build up and create bigger problems. I’m dreading finishing uni and having to live at home full time, there’s no way I can afford to move out anytime soon but I feel like if I continue to live my life like this I’ll become more depressed as the days go by, it’s already bad enough we moved house and now I’m 45-60 mins away from my friends.

None of my friends understand what I have to deal with all the time and the worse thing is it’s always me that has to calm my sister down when she has a meltdown bc she only listen to me - well when she wants to - and it’s extremely draining and sometimes I can’t deal with it and I lash out and become really mean. I honestly don’t understand how my mum does ir, she doesn’t get a break and my dad isn’t much help - she’s asked the council, nhs, previous schools, anyone who’ll listen but she gets no help and has to deal with it alone. I’ve considered staying in a hotel a couple nights a week just to get away from it but it isn’t practical and I don’t have the money for it.

I just wish I could have a sibling like my friends do and have that bond. She’s 18 and I’m 22 we should be close and be going out clubbing etc together but realistically she’s about 5-8 and we couldn’t be anymore different. I’m worried for when my mum and dad pass, what am I meant to do with her ? Am I meant to take her on? She can never live independently, what does her future hold ? I just wish I could meet someone who understands

I don’t hate her or autistic people but life is very draining and I envy the people who get to live normal lives, I know it isn’t her fault and I know she wants to be “normal” as well but this constant dread and worry of what the next day will bring and what the mood of the house will be isn’t healthy.

I do think you're being a bit harsh on your sister. I can understand where you're coming from, I have a younger sister who has both autism and ADHD so it can be difficult at times. However the main difference is that she's able to recognise when she's being rude/mean and tends to apologise within a couple of hours if she's giving me attitude so in terms of arguments I'm probably the only person in the house she can argue with and then make up in a week max. I disagree with that she's "lazy" and "doesn't care about her appearance". It might appear that way to you or me but autistic people are known to struggle with personal hygiene due to sensory issues. I think you and the rest of your family need to have a sit down and make some sort of plan as to how you're going to move forward. You mentioned her never being able to become independent- I get that it can be somewhat of a burden to be expected to look after her after your parents pass but at the end of the day she's your sister. Getting any sort of actual help for people with disabilities is pretty much non-existent which sucks so as a family you're going to have to pull together. When was the last time you went out as a family? I know that it can be hard especially with the fear of judgement from members of the public but family time is so so important. You could all have dinner together for a start- in my house we only really have dinner together during Ramadan which is why it's one of my favourite times of the year. I don't know if this was helpful at all but I hope it gives you some comfort to know that you're not alone and things can get better <3
I have a similar situation. I am 22 and my autistic sister is 19. I work full time on nights so I can do a full time college course in the day. My mum is always looking after my sister but all she does is have “meltdowns” and stresses the whole family. On my days off I spend time with my mum and nan and now my sister is starting to target me and I am now to the point I constantly feel like ****. I used to have friends but as she is close to my age and hasn’t got friends she used to try and be friends with my friends and then cause trouble as “she is never wrong”. I now have no friends and am now struggling with a relationship with my family as I just feel like I’m not worth anything when she is around as she is constantly screaming at me and calling me names even though I am always helping her. I feel bad for my mum as she cried to me the other day saying she dosnt know what to do anymore so I don’t feel I can leave the pressure with her and my dad solely. I keep thinking when I apply to university in the next year should I move far away? So when I come home for holidays ect I will be happy to see everyone. I know your struggle. It’s not easy at all
(edited 1 month ago)
You are going through a very tough time. Have you considered contacting your Uni well-being team, joining a support group or getting counselling?

Is there any support your family can get for her? Would you benefit from contacting an autism charity? Can you look into supported housing or day clubs for her?

I disagree with the previous criticism of you for the points you raise about the negative traits and impact of dealing with your sister. It's you letting out your pent up frustration.

You know it's not her fault but you are finding it difficult to separate her from her condition and the household sounds very stressful.

Don't write off being able to move out when you graduate.
Original post by Anonymous #1
Everyday I dread waking up, what will today bring? Life is just so hard at the moment and it will be a lie if I say my sister isn’t a huge burden to the family. I’m scared I’m going to start resenting her.

I know she can’t help it and it’s not her fault but it’s putting a huge strain on the family. She’s 18 now and all she does is eat everything and watches tv. She will become aggressive if she doesn’t have a takeaway everyday and is always horrible to my mum and dad. It outs such a strain in their relationship and they tend to always argue. She’s just getting bigger and more aggressive, she has outbursts all the time and can be really dangerous. It never use to be like this, I feel like as she gets older she’s starting to decline, she’s not very able she doesn’t understand money or time she can’t really fend for herself my mum has to look after her. She can walk and talk and socialise to an extent. This causes problems as my mum can’t work a proper job as she has to be there for my sister, she works as a dinner lady as it’s only for a couple hours during the day which is manageable.

My sister refuses to go to any school or college, she’s rather stay at home and stuff her face. My mum never gets to go out or see her friends anymore and my dad has a hard time dealing with my sister; they clash a lot and are always arguing.

The house has become a miserable place to be in, it’s full of shouting and banging and once my sister is in a rage that’s it - things get broken and the foul language that leaves her mouth is shocking. I’m surprised the neighbours haven’t called the police. I’m scared to invite anyone round as I never know how the night will pan out and would be so embarrassed if my friends/relationships ever had to see that.

I’m currently at university so for the past two years I’ve managed to escape it however I’m on a placement year this year so I’m currently living at home and I can’t stand it anymore. I stay in my bedroom pretty much the whole time because I can’t deal with my sister and her attitude. She doesn’t do anything for herself, she’s lazy and doesn’t care about how she looks or how she treats people. She’s self centred everything has to be about her and what she wants to do. The weekends are planned around her mood and most of the time days out ends in arguments.

Day to day life isn’t simple as everything has to be a routine and god forbid if it doesn’t go her way, we can’t drive a certain route or we can’t shop at a certain shop, the tv has to be blasting loud and the door to the living room has to always be shut. It’s the small things that build up and create bigger problems. I’m dreading finishing uni and having to live at home full time, there’s no way I can afford to move out anytime soon but I feel like if I continue to live my life like this I’ll become more depressed as the days go by, it’s already bad enough we moved house and now I’m 45-60 mins away from my friends.

None of my friends understand what I have to deal with all the time and the worse thing is it’s always me that has to calm my sister down when she has a meltdown bc she only listen to me - well when she wants to - and it’s extremely draining and sometimes I can’t deal with it and I lash out and become really mean. I honestly don’t understand how my mum does ir, she doesn’t get a break and my dad isn’t much help - she’s asked the council, nhs, previous schools, anyone who’ll listen but she gets no help and has to deal with it alone. I’ve considered staying in a hotel a couple nights a week just to get away from it but it isn’t practical and I don’t have the money for it.

I just wish I could have a sibling like my friends do and have that bond. She’s 18 and I’m 22 we should be close and be going out clubbing etc together but realistically she’s about 5-8 and we couldn’t be anymore different. I’m worried for when my mum and dad pass, what am I meant to do with her ? Am I meant to take her on? She can never live independently, what does her future hold ? I just wish I could meet someone who understands

I don’t hate her or autistic people but life is very draining and I envy the people who get to live normal lives, I know it isn’t her fault and I know she wants to be “normal” as well but this constant dread and worry of what the next day will bring and what the mood of the house will be isn’t healthy.
Hi
My brother is a person with autism aswell it’s the reverse situation with me . My brother is 20 and I’m 17 but I take care of him as he low functioning on the spectrum and he is non-verbal . My brother is very tame and calm and his only enjoyment in life is listening to music . I cannot relate to your feeling of resentment towards your sibling but do have some advice .

To be honest and no disrespect warranted but I think your allowing her to decline it is clear that she could be enabled to be independent however your families lackadaisical approach to her care is disabling her from advancement into adulthood.

Despite being low functioning my brother has hobbies which keep him occupied and allow him to stay active and engaged.He also attends 18+ special school . You need to take her to adult day care services within your local area. You need to distance her from TV and other objects that keep her performing these maladaptive behaviours. Most importantly your parents need to have a firm hand on her as they are not treating her normally. Despite being a person with autism she is an adult and should be disciplined as such .Please try to tap into her hobbies outside of eating and tv so she can start being a productive human being . If this behaviour persists you can get social workers involved and they can formulate a care plan which will allow her to do things outside the home. My brother receives moneys to pay for his social care and activities like trampolining , cinema , horse riding etc .

In conclusion she needs to go outside and do stuff and activities so she can evolve as an adult and become slightly autonomous. The future of becoming a caregiver is uncomfortable but it will be even more stressful if you don’t but things in place NOW to adjust her behaviour before she becomes uncontrollably in older age .

Also I thought maybe u could in the future refer to your sister as a “person with autism” isn’t of autistic sister. Even though she being a monster right now . She is a human being before she is autistic yk .
-appleonly
(edited 1 month ago)
Original post by Anonymous #1
Everyday I dread waking up, what will today bring? Life is just so hard at the moment and it will be a lie if I say my sister isn’t a huge burden to the family. I’m scared I’m going to start resenting her.

I know she can’t help it and it’s not her fault but it’s putting a huge strain on the family. She’s 18 now and all she does is eat everything and watches tv. She will become aggressive if she doesn’t have a takeaway everyday and is always horrible to my mum and dad. It outs such a strain in their relationship and they tend to always argue. She’s just getting bigger and more aggressive, she has outbursts all the time and can be really dangerous. It never use to be like this, I feel like as she gets older she’s starting to decline, she’s not very able she doesn’t understand money or time she can’t really fend for herself my mum has to look after her. She can walk and talk and socialise to an extent. This causes problems as my mum can’t work a proper job as she has to be there for my sister, she works as a dinner lady as it’s only for a couple hours during the day which is manageable.

My sister refuses to go to any school or college, she’s rather stay at home and stuff her face. My mum never gets to go out or see her friends anymore and my dad has a hard time dealing with my sister; they clash a lot and are always arguing.

The house has become a miserable place to be in, it’s full of shouting and banging and once my sister is in a rage that’s it - things get broken and the foul language that leaves her mouth is shocking. I’m surprised the neighbours haven’t called the police. I’m scared to invite anyone round as I never know how the night will pan out and would be so embarrassed if my friends/relationships ever had to see that.

I’m currently at university so for the past two years I’ve managed to escape it however I’m on a placement year this year so I’m currently living at home and I can’t stand it anymore. I stay in my bedroom pretty much the whole time because I can’t deal with my sister and her attitude. She doesn’t do anything for herself, she’s lazy and doesn’t care about how she looks or how she treats people. She’s self centred everything has to be about her and what she wants to do. The weekends are planned around her mood and most of the time days out ends in arguments.

Day to day life isn’t simple as everything has to be a routine and god forbid if it doesn’t go her way, we can’t drive a certain route or we can’t shop at a certain shop, the tv has to be blasting loud and the door to the living room has to always be shut. It’s the small things that build up and create bigger problems. I’m dreading finishing uni and having to live at home full time, there’s no way I can afford to move out anytime soon but I feel like if I continue to live my life like this I’ll become more depressed as the days go by, it’s already bad enough we moved house and now I’m 45-60 mins away from my friends.

None of my friends understand what I have to deal with all the time and the worse thing is it’s always me that has to calm my sister down when she has a meltdown bc she only listen to me - well when she wants to - and it’s extremely draining and sometimes I can’t deal with it and I lash out and become really mean. I honestly don’t understand how my mum does ir, she doesn’t get a break and my dad isn’t much help - she’s asked the council, nhs, previous schools, anyone who’ll listen but she gets no help and has to deal with it alone. I’ve considered staying in a hotel a couple nights a week just to get away from it but it isn’t practical and I don’t have the money for it.

I just wish I could have a sibling like my friends do and have that bond. She’s 18 and I’m 22 we should be close and be going out clubbing etc together but realistically she’s about 5-8 and we couldn’t be anymore different. I’m worried for when my mum and dad pass, what am I meant to do with her ? Am I meant to take her on? She can never live independently, what does her future hold ? I just wish I could meet someone who understands

I don’t hate her or autistic people but life is very draining and I envy the people who get to live normal lives, I know it isn’t her fault and I know she wants to be “normal” as well but this constant dread and worry of what the next day will bring and what the mood of the house will be isn’t healthy.
As somebody who is on the spectrum myself, she needs a sharp reality shock.
Original post by appleonly
Hi
My brother is a person with autism aswell it’s the reverse situation with me . My brother is 20 and I’m 17 but I take care of him as he low functioning on the spectrum and he is non-verbal . My brother is very tame and calm and his only enjoyment in life is listening to music . I cannot relate to your feeling of resentment towards your sibling but do have some advice .

To be honest and no disrespect warranted but I think your allowing her to decline it is clear that she could be enabled to be independent however your families lackadaisical approach to her care is disabling her from advancement into adulthood.

Despite being low functioning my brother has hobbies which keep him occupied and allow him to stay active and engaged.He also attends 18+ special school . You need to take her to adult day care services within your local area. You need to distance her from TV and other objects that keep her performing these maladaptive behaviours. Most importantly your parents need to have a firm hand on her as they are not treating her normally. Despite being a person with autism she is an adult and should be disciplined as such .Please try to tap into her hobbies outside of eating and tv so she can start being a productive human being . If this behaviour persists you can get social workers involved and they can formulate a care plan which will allow her to do things outside the home. My brother receives moneys to pay for his social care and activities like trampolining , cinema , horse riding etc .

In conclusion she needs to go outside and do stuff and activities so she can evolve as an adult and become slightly autonomous. The future of becoming a caregiver is uncomfortable but it will be even more stressful if you don’t but things in place NOW to adjust her behaviour before she becomes uncontrollably in older age .

Also I thought maybe u could in the future refer to your sister as a “person with autism” isn’t of autistic sister. Even though she being a monster right now . She is a human being before she is autistic yk .
-appleonly
Or maybe the OP could continue to use the format preferred by the autistic community (or community with autism) these days (I get where you are coming from on this, but what on earth does it say about us non-autistics if we don't listen to what they say?)
Original post by dirtmother
Or maybe the OP could continue to use the format preferred by the autistic community (or community with autism) these days (I get where you are coming from on this, but what on earth does it say about us non-autistics if we don't listen to what they say?)
Your completely correct if people prefer just being called autistic etc I’m fine with that but I stick with the latter until that person tells me what they prefer yk

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