Problems with my mum

Okay so I (17f) and my mum have a very rocky relationship. I want to preface all of this by saying that I know i am not perfect, and i never pretend to be, but i feel like i need to get this all off of my chest.

I currently hold no UCAS offers. This i becasue my mum pushed me to do dentistry, which i dont want to do, nor do i have the grades for because she decided to kick me out over an advent calendar

Trigger content warning: Mention of previous suicidal thoughts



I was already struggling with a-levels, and i really didnt need the extra stress. She decided that after i'd sent off all my offers that I should do pharmacy instead and blamed me for not getting a pharmacy offer because I never showed her my personal statement.

Fine. Whatever. I now have to go through clearing to try and get a place in pharmacy, and she’s saying i should try and get into a place in my city. I really don't want to because she will kick me out after the most minor inconvenience and i hate living with her. I genuinely have no emotions for her.

I learnt when i was 11 that i was pretty much just a poster kid for her to parade around and i was only ever useful when i was either getting good grades or doing exactly what she wants me to do when she wants it. I really struggle to sympathise/emphasise with her anymore—when i was younger i used to argue her case whenever i was in pastoral or welfare but now i don’t care anymore.

She basically uses me as free childcare. She leaves my sister with me for hours on end even when i’m working (on the a level subjects thats she made me pick btw) , tells me to go and pick my sister up with about 10 minutes notice, right when im in the middle of a practice paper or something important. It’s not just 2 or three hours at a time, its full 8-10 hour days with my sister who is incredibly difficult to manage, making it impossible for me to do schoolwork (my mother is very much aware of this)

I can’t bring myself to leave because of my younger sister—i genuinely don’t feel that my sister is safe and i don’t want her to experience wat i went through because my mother has hit er before to the point where I have had to step in (i got hit too ofc) and my aunt has also had to step in.but I can’t live like this anymore. I am so tired of the contsantnagging when i don’t do things her way.

If something isn’t done the exact minute when she wants it she loses her ****. I admit that i do the bare minimum when it comes to what i’m asked to do, but i still do it. I have sensory problems (which she knows about) so i can’t wash the dishes without feeling like im going to vomit but i endured it for 3 years before finally putting my foot down and asking if i can do some other task around the house. Of course she accused me of not doing anything around the house.

Anyway now she said i should do the bins and put the dishes away, which i’m fine with and i do it. I really struggle with executive dysfunction so sometimes it takes longer for me to do things but i still get it done. Of course. She’s now saying that if i don’t do things around the house without her asking she’s going to kick me out.

I have very little desire to do things for her ‘out of the goodness of my heart’ because she’s made it very clear that anything she does for me is so that I can pay it back when she’s older. I don’t want to live with her anymore and quite frankly, she’s made it very hard for me to see anything enjoyable about living. I dont want to do pharmacy. I don’t want to live in this house anymore. I’m really sick of living right now and i don’t find joy in much.

There are constant discussions about my weight and my body, if i eat she tells me to watch my weight if i dont eat she tells me im selfish and wasteful. I've had problems with food my entire life—i have about 3 safe foods and i struggle with disordered eating either without her constant comments but if i ask her to stop with the comments she calls me a snowflake.

There’s no one for me to go to as all my family lives abroad. I have no support system so i feel helpless. I have friends but not close enough to confide in. I really can’t do anything right and im so sick of living like this. Nothing i do will ever be good enough. And im so sick of it. I honestly dont think i can do it any more.