Toxic?

So my boyfriend is quite overprotective and jealous, and I find it absolutely adorable. I am the same way, I get easily jealous and I am a very insecure person. Most of my friends seem to think he’s a bit toxic but I don’t feel this way at all. Does anyone else feel this way? To me, a lot of these girls believe they can do whatever they want and their boyfriend has to be okay with it. For example, this one girl in my class felt it was toxic for her boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) to be uncomfortable with her dancing with other guys. I love how protective and jealous my boyfriend gets, but others see it as toxic. Are there any other women that like that their boyfriend is protective, or any jealous and overprotective guys?

Reply 1

Dunnig Kruger

The novelty will wear off.

The issue with being overprotective and jealous is that it will descend to controlling behaviour. Where he will tell / coerce you that he doesn't want you doing certain things, such as going for an evening out with your friends without him. Or you talking to other guys, not even in a platonic way.

Overprotective and jealous comes from a foundation of a scarcity mindset. That's a less good attitude to have than an abundance mindset.

Your classmate wasn't being toxic. She was asserting her rights to dance with other guys. The boyfriend was being toxic for reacting negatively towards it.

Do you think it's good that you're a jealous and insecure person? I think it's bad. Bad because you can do so much better. Bad because you will function better as an adult when you are secure, have an abundance mindset and are a lot less jealous.
Using the success of others to motivate yourself to do better is an OK form of jealousy. Trying to exert a Scrooge type grip over your boyfriend is not OK.

With us all being human, it's natural that there may be things that trigger our jealousy. It's then down to whether you call on the logical half of your brain to over-ride the emotional so that you behave as if you're not jealous.

With you being insecure, the worst type of boyfriend you can have is an overprotective jealous type. You should be aiming to stretch your comfort zones all the time - like every day at every opportunity. Instead of sitting in a boyfriend-imposed cliquey, restricted cocoon.

Free Range Love beats 1984 Big Brother Love.