dont like talking to my dad

When you lived in the house with him and your mum did he always feel stressed and then left the house? Or suddenly have large mood swings?

he used to work abroad/live alone so he was always a bit distant but he moved in with my mum again and fell into a severe depression. He has sought some support but it hasnt healed anything. However yes now he has done things like leave restaurants in the middle because of his mood, or suddenly go back home while we're out on a walk, or suddenly shut himself up in his room. he is a highly avoidant personality type but just recently Im upset to face that it's due to a total lack of affection or love for us too.

he used to work abroad/live alone so he was always a bit distant but he moved in with my mum again and fell into a severe depression. He has sought some support but it hasnt healed anything. However yes now he has done things like leave restaurants in the middle because of his mood, or suddenly go back home while we're out on a walk, or suddenly shut himself up in his room. he is a highly avoidant personality type but just recently Im upset to face that it's due to a total lack of affection or love for us too.

i dont have much of a relationship with my dad, but even on the phone it's so awkward and he's so passive aggressive.

he came to my city for work but i was too busy to meet up after work, and he ignored my text saying i couldn't make it. days later on the phone i brought up that he ignored my text (he ignores any other texts/calls in the past), then he said 'it doesn't matter does it' in a weird passive aggressive tone. then he swiftly ended the call after that.


we never call each other but sometimes he picks up my mums phone when i call her or butts into our calls. i also get 'the ick' after we talk for some reason, i get soo uncomfortable and awkward, like he hates us and hates being involved with us but wants something from us that he wont say i have no idea.

we;ve asked him to express and open up multiple times but he just goes quiet or leaves the room, he cant seem to handle any real conversation whatsoever.

Also a key thing that everyone loves is gifts. Try to talk him and engage in idle conversations and ask him what he likes. Try get him gifts every months (not expensive ones). Also if he likes a sport try participate in it with him. But dont forget about gifts, it works wonders. A hobby is crucial, try gardening or cooking food with him. Make sure its a team thing.

Thanks for your suggestions.

Thing is, it’s not just him, my mum is also depressed and physically less able/not in good health. My dad was abusive growing up. My sibling and I were sui*cidal in the past and he treated the situation terribly. My dad always criticised taking one’s own life for being ‘immoral’ then recently made a joke about hanging himself. I asked if he was serious he said ‘of course not’. He has ruined so many things that I cannot help despising him.

Bu obviously I’m scared if he does do something. And I’m sad to watch my parents live out their years like this. I have MH problems too, on medication and trying to just keep mt job and try to heal and flourish before my youth is gone.

I called my mum and we had an awful convo and I wish I never called her. They’re so toxic I feel like I don’t have anyone and the people I call mt family honestly make things worse.

i dont have much of a relationship with my dad, but even on the phone it's so awkward and he's so passive aggressive.

he came to my city for work but i was too busy to meet up after work, and he ignored my text saying i couldn't make it. days later on the phone i brought up that he ignored my text (he ignores any other texts/calls in the past), then he said 'it doesn't matter does it' in a weird passive aggressive tone. then he swiftly ended the call after that.


we never call each other but sometimes he picks up my mums phone when i call her or butts into our calls. i also get 'the ick' after we talk for some reason, i get soo uncomfortable and awkward, like he hates us and hates being involved with us but wants something from us that he wont say i have no idea.

we;ve asked him to express and open up multiple times but he just goes quiet or leaves the room, he cant seem to handle any real conversation whatsoever.

he used to work abroad/live alone so he was always a bit distant but he moved in with my mum again and fell into a severe depression. He has sought some support but it hasnt healed anything. However yes now he has done things like leave restaurants in the middle because of his mood, or suddenly go back home while we're out on a walk, or suddenly shut himself up in his room. he is a highly avoidant personality type but just recently Im upset to face that it's due to a total lack of affection or love for us too.

he used to work abroad/live alone so he was always a bit distant but he moved in with my mum again and fell into a severe depression. He has sought some support but it hasnt healed anything. However yes now he has done things like leave restaurants in the middle because of his mood, or suddenly go back home while we're out on a walk, or suddenly shut himself up in his room. he is a highly avoidant personality type but just recently Im upset to face that it's due to a total lack of affection or love for us too.

You and your mother should pester him in a lowkey manner, kinda contradictory. I mean, if he suddenly has a mood swing and leaves randomly, or locks himself up all of a sudden follow him and keep on checking up on every 5 or so mins. People who are in those situations might get devoured by their own thoughts and spiral downhill. The key is patience and consistency. It wont take a week or a month. It may take a year or 2. But dont try to give him any medication or take him to doctors or whatever, make that the extreme last resort. Persistence is key and patience is also whats needed. Dont let him eat alone and keep on talking to him even if it may be idle talk. If he snaps, dont snap back at him, talk to him softly with kindness. I hope this helps.

Also a key thing that everyone loves is gifts. Try to talk him and engage in idle conversations and ask him what he likes. Try get him gifts every months (not expensive ones). Also if he likes a sport try participate in it with him. But dont forget about gifts, it works wonders. A hobby is crucial, try gardening or cooking food with him. Make sure its a team thing.

It wont be easy but the end result is worth it. Dont give up, its a uphill battle but when you look back you will be happy and satisfied.

Most people would advice you to cut contact with them because of your situations and what they have done but I would still advice the opposite. And you said you feel sad they theyre living their years out like they are. Your situation is difficult and as a bystander its easy for me to give you advice when not being in your position, anyone can do it. But few people can come out of your situation and resolve their difficulties because its of course difficult. There was a scholar, when he was in a difficult period of life he used to say "its but a cloud, it will pass by". Its difficult and despite your parents being in the wrong you can make it right. Your situation may seem like its dragging on and its never ending, it seems like everything just goes wrong. But I say this with sincerity, from the bottom of my heart, persist and be patient. Return ingratitude with kindness, dont let this be a regret when you reach a older age or once your parents pass away. I promise you, this may take a year or 2, 3 or maybe even 5 to resolve but when its all solved you will look back at it in your memories. It will be like a cloud which passed. And in the worst case scenario where you persisted and nothing worked, you can be at ease and feelt no guilt or sadness. Why? Because you did everything you can.

I wanted to suggest something like this, but it wasn't necessary since you did a superb job. I completely do eye-to-eye with you.

Thanks a bunch for those valuable points you made! The world needs more versions of yours. You're an example for so many people. Keep up the good work you do. May God shower his blessings on you.

Thank you for your compliments, I am not deserving of it. May God make us be of tbe consistent and the pious, and let our actions be filled with his blessings. Ameen.