Strict Muslim dad wants to move with me

Guys, im an intl girl who got into college in london, and my dad wants to move in with me for uni in london. at first i registered for a dorm and he was happy with it, but now he doesnt want me staying at a dorm. how do i convince him to let me live in a dorm. we dont even live in the uk or anywhere near, but he wants to live together. hes extremely stubborn and muslim, and doesnt want me living with "drug addicts"

all my life ive just wanted to move out of the house and into a dorm, he so controlling and i wont be able to do anything with him around. please help me guys, i cant do this.

Reply 1

Andi.0k

14

Original post by Anonymous

Guys, im an intl girl who got into college in london, and my dad wants to move in with me for uni in london. at first i registered for a dorm and he was happy with it, but now he doesnt want me staying at a dorm. how do i convince him to let me live in a dorm. we dont even live in the uk or anywhere near, but he wants to live together. hes extremely stubborn and muslim, and doesnt want me living with "drug addicts"

all my life ive just wanted to move out of the house and into a dorm, he so controlling and i wont be able to do anything with him around. please help me guys, i cant do this.

Start by telling him how expensive a flat would be in London (£2k+ month). Also some unis (like the one I want to go to) have alcohol free and same sex accommodation. If yours does tell your dad that you will apply for it. Whether you do or not doesn't matter as long as he believes you will. Lying to parents sucks but you need your freedom more than you need to protect his feelings. I convinced my parents about not going to their preferred uni by explaining why I made that decision and backing it up with facts. If all else fails, if you are 18 when you move to the UK he cannot force you to live with him but that's a last resort option.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

i would still be paying almost 1500 pounds just for dorm accomodation. there arent any same sex or alcohol free. im just scared hell go through with it and i wont haave the uni experience. its not like i want to go parties and clubs; i dont, i hate them.
i just want to live alone and hang out with friends with no judgement.

Reply 3

Andi.0k

14

Original post by Anonymous

i would still be paying almost 1500 pounds just for dorm accomodation. there arent any same sex or alcohol free. im just scared hell go through with it and i wont haave the uni experience. its not like i want to go parties and clubs; i dont, i hate them.
i just want to live alone and hang out with friends with no judgement.

Oh damn that sucks. Also after first year you'd probably have to move out anyway. I'm not really sure what else you could say aside from saying why you need that experience. Maybe agree to check in with your dad every week so he knows you're safe.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Guys, im an intl girl who got into college in london, and my dad wants to move in with me for uni in london. at first i registered for a dorm and he was happy with it, but now he doesnt want me staying at a dorm. how do i convince him to let me live in a dorm. we dont even live in the uk or anywhere near, but he wants to live together. hes extremely stubborn and muslim, and doesnt want me living with "drug addicts"

all my life ive just wanted to move out of the house and into a dorm, he so controlling and i wont be able to do anything with him around. please help me guys, i cant do this.

Are you Muslim yourself?
In a way I understand your fathers point of view, a uk university is a very different place to international universities. Especially for girls, so I can understand your fathers concern for your safety and as a Muslim man it is important for him to protect the women In his family. I’m not sure if you are Muslim or not but you have to understand his point of view, your his daughter going into an environment that is honestly not the best… it can get really wild in dorms esp during freshers.

Perhaps try to get a girls only accommodation and so that way it would be easier for him to let you stay there? You could try to arrange something like that to give him assurance you won’t be in the wrong crowd.

Overall it’s your choice and your father should respect that ultimately even if you might be in the wrong, your an adult so you make your own decisions… it’s your choice whether or not you listen to your father about this issue.

If you truly think he’s controlling and cannot face living with him you should talk it out as best as you can. That’s the only thing I can say since there’s not much else you can do 🤷*♀️

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

i would still be paying almost 1500 pounds just for dorm accomodation. there arent any same sex or alcohol free. im just scared hell go through with it and i wont haave the uni experience. its not like i want to go parties and clubs; i dont, i hate them.
i just want to live alone and hang out with friends with no judgement.

That’s understandable… you could perhaps convince your dad by allowing him to give you some general rules? Something that will make him feel more comfortable in letting you live on your own. Like you said you aren’t interested in clubbing etc so emphasise that, you could FaceTime him certain times of the day so he knows what your doing or something. Make sure you keep in contact or visit him so that he knows your doing fine. Maybe you could have an agreement that you can stay in the dorm for a month and see how it is… if he still doesn’t like it then you can talk about different options etc.

You have to understand his point of view… don’t seem like you are annoyed at him, make sure you tell him you understand his concerns.

Reply 6

jonathanemptage

21

Original post by Anonymous

Guys, im an intl girl who got into college in london, and my dad wants to move in with me for uni in london. at first i registered for a dorm and he was happy with it, but now he doesnt want me staying at a dorm. how do i convince him to let me live in a dorm. we dont even live in the uk or anywhere near, but he wants to live together. hes extremely stubborn and muslim, and doesnt want me living with "drug addicts"

all my life ive just wanted to move out of the house and into a dorm, he so controlling and i wont be able to do anything with him around. please help me guys, i cant do this.

You could ask for all girls that way he might feel more comfortable.

Reply 7

jonathanemptage

21

I'd tell your parents about quiet, Single sex and dry halls see if that placates him at all if not show him your chosen university's ISOC page (the all have them) you don't need to use of join any of these the whole point is he knows they are there. Because you brought it up it gives the impression that you'll join. Don't think of it like you lieing to you dad you just showing him whats there and the fact you've thought about it hope fully should make him chill a bit.

Strict Muslim dad wants to move with me

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