My boyfriend doesn’t prioritise me

I’m 23 and I’m running my first ever half marathon at the end of the month. It’s a big deal for me as I never thought I could run such a long distance, and I’m proud of the training I’ve achieved. I’ve been with my boyfriend 3 years, and he knows I’d love him to come watch and cheer me on. However, my race clashes with the final game of the premier league, and he’s agreed to watch the game in London with his friends (he planned this before he knew about my race). I finish running around 12:30 and he’s agreed to watch the whole thing. But it’s the part afterwards that means the most - I want to celebrate with the people I love and get a celebratory drink :smile:

But he is insisting that he needs to ‘dash’ as soon as I cross the finish line because he needs to get across London to get a good space at the pub and have pre drinks. Bear in mind that the football doesn’t start until 4pm. My feelings are hurt, because I don’t want to cross that finish line of my first ever race, only to see him checking his watch to see how soon he can get away to go and drink with his mates. This race means so much to me, but he’s insisting he has to leave ASAP to ‘get to the pub on time’. He says he might not be let in if he’s too late but I don’t know how much I believe this. Anyway - am I right to be upset by this? He did book the pub before he was aware of my race, but surely he can sacrifice one hour of pres with his mates to go for a drink with his girlfriend who’s just run 13 miles? He’ll still be about to watch the whole game, even if he leaves at 2 … what do you guys think?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I’m 23 and I’m running my first ever half marathon at the end of the month. It’s a big deal for me as I never thought I could run such a long distance, and I’m proud of the training I’ve achieved. I’ve been with my boyfriend 3 years, and he knows I’d love him to come watch and cheer me on. However, my race clashes with the final game of the premier league, and he’s agreed to watch the game in London with his friends (he planned this before he knew about my race). I finish running around 12:30 and he’s agreed to watch the whole thing. But it’s the part afterwards that means the most - I want to celebrate with the people I love and get a celebratory drink :smile:

But he is insisting that he needs to ‘dash’ as soon as I cross the finish line because he needs to get across London to get a good space at the pub and have pre drinks. Bear in mind that the football doesn’t start until 4pm. My feelings are hurt, because I don’t want to cross that finish line of my first ever race, only to see him checking his watch to see how soon he can get away to go and drink with his mates. This race means so much to me, but he’s insisting he has to leave ASAP to ‘get to the pub on time’. He says he might not be let in if he’s too late but I don’t know how much I believe this. Anyway - am I right to be upset by this? He did book the pub before he was aware of my race, but surely he can sacrifice one hour of pres with his mates to go for a drink with his girlfriend who’s just run 13 miles? He’ll still be about to watch the whole game, even if he leaves at 2 … what do you guys think?

You have every right to be upset, I don't understand how a drink could be more important than your girlfriend, it's not like he would never be able to drink again in his life.
I think you should talk how you are feeling to your boyfriend, because if you don't, he may put the blame on you if you end up getting upset at the end of the race.
Also, he might change his mind after hearing you out. But anyway good luck on your race, you got this!

Reply 2

Dunnig Kruger

16

It's OK for you to feel upset by this. It's how you behave in response to your emotions that counts.

From his point of view it makes a lot of sense for him to make his football date with his mates. As it's all part of his life philosophy of doing what he says he will do. And of not flaking. Not even when something else comes up that he'd rather do.

Maybe where he's gone a little bit wrong on this is discussing it in detail with you and trying to justify himself to you.
It should have been a simple "I will need to leave at X PM to make the football appointment. I'm all yours up till then."

It would be bad form on your part to try to persuade him to change his plans. Because you don't want him to resent you.
It's better if you're a good sport and tell him "I understand. Have a great time at the footie."

This is just 1 afternoon that we're talking about. What counts is not this 1 day, but all the other days you spend with him. If they're good enough, stay with him. If not leave him.

Reply 3

Surnia

20

Think about what the title of this thread should be: "My boyfriend doesn't prioritise me" or "My boyfriend isn't prioritising me on this one occasion."