Pls help. Parents are pressuring me to give 90% of MY money for their mortgage
My parents are trying to get a mortgage here in the UK and are pressuring my brother and me to give our share of the money to help. I know the advantages of owning a house, but our parents have abused me and my brother for years and hate them both, so the idea of getting rid of my financial independence scares me. My brother has finished UNI and has a stable job and will be able to leave and rent his own place much to my parents' dismay. I can't say I have the best relationship with my brother but I'm trying to persuade him to take me with him.
Meanwhile, I'll just be entering UNI in sept. and my parents are even planning on using my maintenance loan for their mortgage...I hate my parents and I want to leave and I want to keep my financial independence but I also don't want to face the wrath of their anger. BTW I chose to stay with my parents during UNI because it was generally the most cost-effective option and I didn't really want to live with random strangers but some of my friends who know my situation thought that it was a stupid idea, but there is nothing I can do about it anymore.
Meanwhile, I'll just be entering UNI in sept. and my parents are even planning on using my maintenance loan for their mortgage...I hate my parents and I want to leave and I want to keep my financial independence but I also don't want to face the wrath of their anger. BTW I chose to stay with my parents during UNI because it was generally the most cost-effective option and I didn't really want to live with random strangers but some of my friends who know my situation thought that it was a stupid idea, but there is nothing I can do about it anymore.
As you said, this relationship seems incredibly abusive. I would recommend speaking to someone at Childline, as this site features professionals who are trained in helping with issues such as this. I agree with you, that your financial independence is important especially as you become an adult. Have you tried to talk to your parents and explain why you find this money will be better used by you than it going towards their mortgage? As you become 18, you become financially independent - does this not mean that the money goes directly to you? I would perhaps consider moving out of the house if this situation becomes incredibly abusive and you feel you have no independence. Hope this helps, and wishing you luck 
Unfortunately, you can't have both financial independence and the option to live with your parents for cost savings given your parents' abusiveness. I think you should just weather it out, and try sharing a space with strangers - you have to learn at some point.
I'd also recommend moving out. At 18 you get a credit score and if your parents pressure you into taking on debt (like loans or credit cards) it will mess you up after graduation. You will struggle to get loans, be approved for rent and may have to deal with baillifs if it gets that bad. I really recommend moving out (uni is a really good opportunity to become independent) and reaching out to a domestic ab*se charity or support service. You could contact a social worker but that will involve your parents so use that as a last resort. Therapy might also help but they can't usually provide solutions maybe signposting to the support services mentioned.
In terms of living with others it's usually alright and you can make some awesome friends. My friend is at uni and he made good friends with his flatmates. There's obviously downsides but you can reach out to the team responsible for managing your accommodation if you have serious issues with your flatmates. If you decide to love in student accommodation you will need to update your student finance application so you can get enough to cover rent.
Hope you are safe and okay and that you can build up the strength to leave your parents.
In terms of living with others it's usually alright and you can make some awesome friends. My friend is at uni and he made good friends with his flatmates. There's obviously downsides but you can reach out to the team responsible for managing your accommodation if you have serious issues with your flatmates. If you decide to love in student accommodation you will need to update your student finance application so you can get enough to cover rent.
Hope you are safe and okay and that you can build up the strength to leave your parents.
Original post by Anonymous
My parents are trying to get a mortgage here in the UK and are pressuring my brother and me to give our share of the money to help. I know the advantages of owning a house, but our parents have abused me and my brother for years and hate them both, so the idea of getting rid of my financial independence scares me. My brother has finished UNI and has a stable job and will be able to leave and rent his own place much to my parents' dismay. I can't say I have the best relationship with my brother but I'm trying to persuade him to take me with him.
Meanwhile, I'll just be entering UNI in sept. and my parents are even planning on using my maintenance loan for their mortgage...I hate my parents and I want to leave and I want to keep my financial independence but I also don't want to face the wrath of their anger. BTW I chose to stay with my parents during UNI because it was generally the most cost-effective option and I didn't really want to live with random strangers but some of my friends who know my situation thought that it was a stupid idea, but there is nothing I can do about it anymore.
Meanwhile, I'll just be entering UNI in sept. and my parents are even planning on using my maintenance loan for their mortgage...I hate my parents and I want to leave and I want to keep my financial independence but I also don't want to face the wrath of their anger. BTW I chose to stay with my parents during UNI because it was generally the most cost-effective option and I didn't really want to live with random strangers but some of my friends who know my situation thought that it was a stupid idea, but there is nothing I can do about it anymore.
There are things you can do about it now you could even choose another university up to six weeks after the start date. If you wanted to. move out for uni you’d need to tel the SLC you plan on doing that. I don’t know where your going but you have a few options open to you:
1/ Uni halls of residence . I know you think that halls are probably all full now but that might not be quite right it’s always worth a call to the accommodation office. People will change their mind and drop out or change their mind and things all the time they might even have not filled halls yet.
2/ Uni owned house the accommodation office may be able to help with this option too yes you’ll be living with randoms but it’s really nice social
environment who knows you might even make friends with them even if not you can always move after a year.
3/ Private halls I don’t know where your going but there are a lot of providers of these like “liberty living” . These are pretty good your room will be bigger than your usual uni halls room and they are always really close to the unis or the centre of town so that could be something to look at too.
4/ A student let there are estate agencies who specialise in letting to groups of students you’ll need a group but some people will be looking for replacements or extras to fill a place (it lowers how much rent you need to pay you see.). much like a student house it’s really nice and social particularly if you’re with people from your own university.
5/ Talk to the SU they will also be able to help finding rooms in houses and stuff like that.
You say it’s cheaper to live at home but have you actually checked I mean I had a look at it the other day for my old university if I had stayed in the cheapest halls I would have saved £900 a year ( did stay in halls just slightly more expensive ones and i still saved more than £100 a year) and with your parents taking 90% of your money for a mortgage it’s not really cheaper to live at home is it now?… When you’re at uni I’d recommend a part time job like bar work or something it helps to have a bit of money it don’t give up lectures for work if they want you to work when you have lectures walk there are other jobs.
(edited 11 months ago)
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