hard to maintain uni friendships

I'm a student 3 years into uni but I feel like I've been wasting it. I'm slightly introverted, but not too quiet that meeting new people is hard for me. I've met plenty of new friends across these 3 years but I've found that none of them really stuck. There's no one I can really call a close friend, or go to if I just want a casual call/conversation, and the only people I really talk with on a regular (besides messaging for the occasional catch ups) are my few friends from high school. It's very easy for me to meet new people since I actually do quite enjoy socialising, but its very hard for me to actually continue conversations past first few meetings. Even classmates I got along with, I ended up just falling out of contact because it felt like I was the only one constantly reaching out and attempting, and that they all had their own friend groups already.

I just feel lonely because a lot of my friends already have their closer groups of friends. The university I'm in is smaller, and the state I live in is smaller and I don't live in any student accommodation because I still live with my parents. I found that a lot of my other friends have made friendships through either work or their accommodations, but that's something I don't really have (and I don't have a lot of similar age family members either like cousins here either). I almost miss high school because at least it allowed me to see the same people more regularly.

A lot of my interests are on the nicher side as well, so it's hard to build up conversations and friendships based on common likes. I've gotten into my fair share of awkward silence moment when we've run out of conversation topics. It's a bit of a burden when trying to maintain friendships through messaging because I never know what else to send (or people just leave me on read).

Everyone always tells me that the friends made in uni are the one's that sticks with you for a lifetime but I feel like I've wasted all my time. It's a little embarrassing and ironic since my friends actually consider me a "social butterfly" based on the amount of people I know, but a lot of these connections are very surface-level. (Doesn't help too that during my first to second year of uni, I fell into quite a depressive state that really isolated me from a lot of people then)

(And yes, I've tried joining societies and clubs but run into the same issue... I just don't know what I'm doing wrong)

Reply 1

BCU Student Rep

Official Rep

Original post by Anonymous #1

Hi there.

Sorry you're feeling like this. I think a lot of the time at uni, it can look like everyone else is having the time of their lives while you feel like you're missing out or are not doing enough, and this can apply to friendships too.

It can be hard as you become an adult to make friendships stick, as you tend you find - like you say - that people already have their friendships built. But I've noticed at uni that most people are willing to talk and interact, it's just that people are hesitant to start the conversation. It's also not a bad thing at all to have a small circle of friends, but I also understand that feeling of friendships not feeling fully formed or old friendships drifting away.

You definitely sound like you've been trying and putting yourself out there, it may be a case that you've not found your people yet - as cringey as that may sound! I'm currently in my second year here at BCU and my friendship circle both at uni and back home have gotten smaller since I started uni, but I now feel more comfortable with the friends I do have. So again - a little cliche - but giving friendships a bit more time to blossom can sometimes be all it needs.

Work is always a good place to start some new friendships, or even a more random setting like a dance class or art workshop. In Birmingham, there's a girls walking group that has just started where we go for walks and then end the walk at a cafe or restaurant, all while meeting new people. Maybe there's something similar near you? Or could you start one?

I hope things pick up for you and maybe reach out to some old friends too 🙂
Emily
Student Rep at BCU