Ex let me call her, she still has feelings? Complicated.

So after her strange behaviour since we stopped talking; ((1) Too much of a coincidence really... - The Student Room)

I decided to call her, she didn't answer but then I text her to give me a call. She told me she was working, but would call me after. Which she did contact me when she was finished with work. She had a perfect way out and didn't know what this call was about.

I started asking how she was, she kept deflecting and I kept going back to her. She was then very passive aggressive with me and I asked her what was wrong. She said work was tough today, she started to open up a bit after I told her to stop stressing at me; I called her today to simply "Check on her welfare".

She asked about me, and my trip the weekend and I knew she didn't follow it and queried why she stopped viewing my story. She said "I don't want to get caught up in your life" - I asked if she muted me, she said no, she's just avoiding it....

I offered to meet her, and we had a discussion where she doesn't think we can be friends or anything because of everything that happened. I said "Is it because I had feelings for you?" She goes no. Then when I asked her if it's because of how she feels about me. She went completely silent.

Its then when she mentioned our discussion two weeks ago. I said we both said things we didn't mean, and she said "I meant everything I said".

I said I didn't want to discuss it, but I told her the following;

Don't take this the wrong way, a part of my heart will always be for you but I will never trust you with my heart again. She went really really soft and said "I understand" then silence....

I said I am not saying no, or never. She replied "But you are not saying yes"..... followed by silence on her part.

She said she'll think about meeting up...

I asked her about her new guy that she met after we broke up, and "It just happened" and from what she's told me previously, it all seems "Casual" and a rebound from her "Ending things with me weirdly and abruptly"

I told her I'd started seeing someone also, and she seemed very distant about it all. I asked if her thing is "Long Term" - she goes "I don't know".

I said "Maybe" - I'll text you in the future, she went "Maybe?" - I said I probably will.

What's everyone's thoughts? I am thinking just to check in on her every now and again, and maybe check on her wellbeing this Friday? See if it leads to us texting each other again.

Reply 1

Surnia

Original post by ConcordeBA

I told her I'd started seeing someone also,

What's everyone's thoughts? I am thinking just to check in on her every now and again, and maybe check on her wellbeing this Friday? See if it leads to us texting each other again.

Seriously? You are seeing someone and cheating on them with your ex-girlfriend?

She's your ex for a reason. Saying you'll 'check on her welfare' makes you sound like a counsellor' and your intention is a bit creepy, more so if you are dating or lying. Either leave your current date or stop texting your ex.

Reply 2

xox416

Praise the lord you actually reached out to her and talked like I suggested instead of playing these weird guessing games.

What's wrong with her? Why do you feel the need to check on her wellbeing?

What did she say when she said she meant what she said?

Reply 3

ConcordeBA

Original post by Surnia

Original post by xox416

It was mind games, I’ll put it down to that. She was very receptive to the call though – not knowing what it was about.....

She went from passive aggressive on the phone with me to being very low toned and emotional. I didn’t “Beg for a relationship with her again” like I previously did, I was quite clear on how I felt and how I’d likely never trust her again.

When you ask, what was it she said when we last had a conversation? In short, she said she didn’t believe in love and that it doesn’t exist and didn’t quite feel what I felt. She was completely avoiding talking about feelings and then said I am amazing but perfect for someone else.

Anyway, on the phone she said “She doesn’t change her mind often” - which was a white lie because she’s been all over the place since we ended, inviting me over to hers, almost sleeping with me then changing her mind. Then saying she doesn’t know what to label us, to “She might change her mind, and in 3 months’ time she might really really miss me and that will be bad for the both of us”

Stopping viewing my Instagram Story because “She doesn’t want to get caught up in my life” to a week later viewing it again.

She’s avoiding her true feelings and I knew that based on 3 things I said to her on the phone, and it was left with awkward silence.

Reply 4

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

Begging you to just move on.

Reply 5

Surnia

Original post by ConcordeBA

Woahhh! I started talking/dating someone else, same for he - not in a relationship.

So, you're seeing someone, but still want to be involved with your ex; to what extent? Does the person you're dating know about your ex?

Reply 6

ConcordeBA

Original post by Admit-One

Begging you to just move on.

Sorry, can you confirm you are asking me that?
I think I will be now, she's draining the life out of me.

Original post by Surnia

So, you're seeing someone, but still want to be involved with your ex; to what extent? Does the person you're dating know about your ex?

Yes and she agrees she's actually nuts. I reached out, because I wanted to put an end to the games - I took the next step and just restricted her profile so I can't see stuff. So I am better off away from it.

Reply 7

xox416

Original post by ConcordeBA

Woahhh! I started talking/dating someone else, same for he - not in a relationship.

She's my ex because she was getting attached and it scared her that it was becoming too real. I contacted her to put a stop to the games.

It was mind games, I’ll put it down to that. She was very receptive to the call though – not knowing what it was about.....

She went from passive aggressive on the phone with me to being very low toned and emotional. I didn’t “Beg for a relationship with her again” like I previously did, I was quite clear on how I felt and how I’d likely never trust her again.

When you ask, what was it she said when we last had a conversation? In short, she said she didn’t believe in love and that it doesn’t exist and didn’t quite feel what I felt. She was completely avoiding talking about feelings and then said I am amazing but perfect for someone else.

Anyway, on the phone she said “She doesn’t change her mind often” - which was a white lie because she’s been all over the place since we ended, inviting me over to hers, almost sleeping with me then changing her mind. Then saying she doesn’t know what to label us, to “She might change her mind, and in 3 months’ time she might really really miss me and that will be bad for the both of us”

Stopping viewing my Instagram Story because “She doesn’t want to get caught up in my life” to a week later viewing it again.

She’s avoiding her true feelings and I knew that based on 3 things I said to her on the phone, and it was left with awkward silence.

Got it.
At the end of the day she didn't choose you, she chose to date other people.

Reply 8

ConcordeBA

Original post by xox416

Got it.
At the end of the day she didn't choose you, she chose to date other people.

Yeah and that's her loss. She wasn't very clear with our breakup, and she didn't want to do it (Her words). She's still holding on in a way, but I think I will let go now. It's someone else's problem, and she's very problematic.