First date ever next week, I'm scared!!!!!

I'm 22 (female) and I'm going on my first ever date at the end of next week. I'm so scared!!! I have quite severe social anxiety and I don't know what to expect. We haven't talked much yet so I don't know much about him except what I can gauge from his social media, and I don't know if we have much in common. Of course the initial attraction is there or I wouldn't have agreed to go, but I'm such a personality-based person that if we don't mesh well I know I'm gonna find it difficult. I won't know what to do if it's awkward and I'm already catastrophising. In the messages to him arranging it, I'm trying to seem calm and collected lol but I'm genuinely crumbling inside. Any advice or even general insight into dating with social anxiety would be great.

Reply 1

Old Skool Freak

Let's look at the facts here...

He chose YOU to go on a date with... when he could have chosen that other girl over there. He is taking time out of his life to spend some quality time with you, in an attempt to have fun and get to know you better. He is happy to be seen in public with you... and have the whole world assume you're boyfriend and girlfriend. :smile:

If you like him, it's your job to make a good impression and not to mess things up. He's probably as nervous as you are TBF, so relax and look forward to it. Having said that, it's not necessarily a bad thing that you're nervous, as it implies it's important to you.

What are you gonna do on the date? Is it something formal and conservative like a meal, or is it some kind of outdoors adventure type thingy? In general, you want to make sure you're on time, don't spend all the time checking your phone (personally, I think that's pretty rude on a date, and it's a sign it's not going well). If you like him, stroke his ego (say he looks good or he's doing something). Laugh at his s*** jokes (unless it's completely offensive / un PC), make a real effort to look good and be on your best behaviour.

A little / moderate amount of alcohol is fine... but don't get completely drunk or you risk doing something stupid. Ask questions about background / family, what he does for a living and his hobbies / interest. Listen to what he says and comment further on them.

In the meantime, if you ever find yourself getting stressed out, take a few deep breaths and remember to take a Reality Check... I'm sure you've worried / stressed about many things in the past... how often has it been as bad as you've feared? Even if it wasn't pleasant, the fact you're still around suggests it wasn't completely terrible. A very close friend of mine is businessman / entrepreneur and he's not afraid to put himself out there and take risks (he was a successful candidate on Dragons Den ffs). Whenever he wants to do something there are three questions he'll ask himself:-

1) What's the very worst that can happen?
2) How likely is the above going to happen?
3) If it does, can I recover?

Provided he gets positive answers from all of those, he'll attempt almost anything.

I could go on... but I don't think it's helpful to you to really be over-thinking these type of things.

Just remember every journey has to start with a first step :wink:

(edited 10 months ago)

Just don't show off.

Wear something you'll feel comfortable in, think of a few general discussion topics ahead of time, and beyond that just try to enjoy the moment. He'll probably be nervous too!