dropping out

hi I have been at university for about a week now and I have hated all of it. I have a few friends and I am keeping busy but the city is not for me, I also hate the campus. my course is quite good though! my university is a prestigious one but I have found a passion in interior design. I've looked at online degrees and unis near me that do it (and are in cleaning) and I find myself really wanting to do it. however, I would most likely still have to pay for my accommodation for the year but not my tuition fees or just a small fee of it (this still means I would be in less debt than if I completed my current course at my current university). I am fine about this but my family will be so disappointed as they were so happy I got into the university and so was I, and I now realise I have made a mistake as I didn't truly follow my passion. I was unsure when applying but I liked the city but living here is totally different and feels quite lonely despite talking to many people. basically, I would like to ask for advice as I could stay but I would feel so unhappy for the next few years that I am here for. I don't feel at home here. I come from a small town close to all my family to a big city far away from home, and I don't even feel homesick I just don't feel right, I feel sad. should I tell them I want to drop out and follow my passions or should I stick to this university? a family member is paying for my tuition fees (which they haven't paid yet) and they would be the most disappointed in me and I am also worried they would say that they're no longer paying for my fees and act angrily as they may do so. also going from such a prestigious university to do interior design sounds even worse, but it is truly my passion in life and I've known it for many years but have not acted upon it. I am not sure what to do. I've spoken to a friend about it but I am too worried to speak to my parents about it as they would probably be angry or upset at me. Can someone give me some advice?

Hi there,

First of all I'm sorry to hear you're feeling sad and lonely. I hope what I have to say helps!

My main point of advice would be to try not to worry what others thinks and to do what's right for you! I know it can be scary but if you work up the courage, communicating how you feel is also very important - it might make you feel better to let it out and might make any changes feel less abrupt if you're open with how you feel now (which could lessen that chances of them being angry or disappointed). If you don't feel like you can talk to your parents then you could always reach out to the wellbeing or advice department at your university.

Another thing to bare in mind is that a week isn't long. For me it took a few months to settle in. At home I lived in a quiet area but my university accommodation was in a somewhat busy city, and I wasn't used to it. But after taking time to settle in and talking to family and friends about how it didn't feel like home, I found myself slowly settling in and enjoying being there. What don't you like about the campus? Is there any parts of it you do like, and therefore could focus your time there instead if possible? This could help you grow to like the place more.

I personally really want you to do what you love and embrace your passion! But with things like this where the situation is quite complicated, it might be better to take things slowly. Maybe think about giving university a bit more of a go and you might grow to enjoy it - you said you liked the course which is great to hear! Maybe plan how exactly you would change paths to live out your passion - you've mentioned finding online courses which is great, but is there anything else? Is there anything out there better suited for you? Maybe you could try to combine both - complete your course and pursue interior design as a hobby and use your degree transferable skills to help you with interior design in the future? Having a strong plan (that you're happy with an excited about) can make difficult situations feel more manageable.

I'm sorry you're feeling down about this, but take your time and ultimately remember to do what's best for you!

Best wishes,

Bethan
University of Exeter Student Ambassador

Hi there,

First of all I'm sorry to hear you're feeling sad and lonely. I hope what I have to say helps!

My main point of advice would be to try not to worry what others thinks and to do what's right for you! I know it can be scary but if you work up the courage, communicating how you feel is also very important - it might make you feel better to let it out and might make any changes feel less abrupt if you're open with how you feel now (which could lessen that chances of them being angry or disappointed). If you don't feel like you can talk to your parents then you could always reach out to the wellbeing or advice department at your university.

Another thing to bare in mind is that a week isn't long. For me it took a few months to settle in. At home I lived in a quiet area but my university accommodation was in a somewhat busy city, and I wasn't used to it. But after taking time to settle in and talking to family and friends about how it didn't feel like home, I found myself slowly settling in and enjoying being there. What don't you like about the campus? Is there any parts of it you do like, and therefore could focus your time there instead if possible? This could help you grow to like the place more.

I personally really want you to do what you love and embrace your passion! But with things like this where the situation is quite complicated, it might be better to take things slowly. Maybe think about giving university a bit more of a go and you might grow to enjoy it - you said you liked the course which is great to hear! Maybe plan how exactly you would change paths to live out your passion - you've mentioned finding online courses which is great, but is there anything else? Is there anything out there better suited for you? Maybe you could try to combine both - complete your course and pursue interior design as a hobby and use your degree transferable skills to help you with interior design in the future? Having a strong plan (that you're happy with an excited about) can make difficult situations feel more manageable.

I'm sorry you're feeling down about this, but take your time and ultimately remember to do what's best for you!

Best wishes,

Bethan
University of Exeter Student Ambassador

I feel like I should also add that if I don't make a decision by the end of next week I will have to pay some tuition fees to the university and I am more likely to have to pay for my accommodation also. So it does feel like I do have to rush a bit. But again, thank you for your help.

That's very true, sorry I didn't think of that. I would definitely recommend getting in touch with an advice department at your university to see whether you'd have to pay for a whole years worth of accommodation or whether you would just have to pay for how long you were there for. I'm not sure how it all works myself. They'll have better advice and will know specific information about how your university works regarding accommodation and tuition fees. Someone else on the Student Room might also have more information about that. You could even contact your personal tutor.

As it is more difficult to take it slow than I originally thought (sorry about this), I'd recommend getting in touch with different people that can help you and try to take it easy. If things get too stressful, the wellbeing department is a great place to contact. I'm sure lots of other people on here will offer their advice as well!

Take care and I wish you the best with your decision-making!

Bethan
University of Exeter Student Ambassador

hi I have been at university for about a week now and I have hated all of it. I have a few friends and I am keeping busy but the city is not for me, I also hate the campus. my course is quite good though! my university is a prestigious one but I have found a passion in interior design. I've looked at online degrees and unis near me that do it (and are in cleaning) and I find myself really wanting to do it. however, I would most likely still have to pay for my accommodation for the year but not my tuition fees or just a small fee of it (this still means I would be in less debt than if I completed my current course at my current university). I am fine about this but my family will be so disappointed as they were so happy I got into the university and so was I, and I now realise I have made a mistake as I didn't truly follow my passion. I was unsure when applying but I liked the city but living here is totally different and feels quite lonely despite talking to many people. basically, I would like to ask for advice as I could stay but I would feel so unhappy for the next few years that I am here for. I don't feel at home here. I come from a small town close to all my family to a big city far away from home, and I don't even feel homesick I just don't feel right, I feel sad. should I tell them I want to drop out and follow my passions or should I stick to this university? a family member is paying for my tuition fees (which they haven't paid yet) and they would be the most disappointed in me and I am also worried they would say that they're no longer paying for my fees and act angrily as they may do so. also going from such a prestigious university to do interior design sounds even worse, but it is truly my passion in life and I've known it for many years but have not acted upon it. I am not sure what to do. I've spoken to a friend about it but I am too worried to speak to my parents about it as they would probably be angry or upset at me. Can someone give me some advice?

Anon



Anon,

Do you have any experience with interior design?

Do you have any A’ levels that would support such a change?

Would you be expected to show a portfolio as part of any interview?

A week is a very short time! Universities are not fully packed with students yet as they stagger the term dates for different years. There are students who are yet to arrive, so campus will likely feel quieter and if you are based in a university city then it might not feel like it has fully come to life until everyone has started back. You might need to give it 2-3 weeks.

What are you studying at the moment? It’s great to follow passions, but if you are studying a course that you enjoy, should you focus on one dream at a time?

It’s great that you have already met people and that you have begun to form friendships. It does take time for a new place to feel at home, especially a big city! It might be an idea to tell your parents/ family how you are feeling, but to show that you are willing to give it a go by committing to a year.
If you are still feel unhappy at the end of first year, then your family will likely be more supportive than if you leave after a week! (They will be concerned that you are acting on a whim and have not thought it all through, and that a similar thing could happen with interior design and that you might later regret leaving your current course and university.)

Your family know you well, so they will be able to give you useful advice that might help you e.g. doing an apprenticeship or doing a degree for interior design or whether it’s better to stick with your current degree for now, and look into interior design during the summer.

Take courage and talk to your family before you make any hasty decisions.

All the best,

Oluwatosin – 2nd year student – University of Huddersfield