The Student Room Group

Loneliness during freshers

Hi, I would really like some help or advice or anything really, so I’ve just finished one week of uni started some lectures and tutorials and stuff went to two club events with some people. I hate my flat because the rest of my flatmates seem to be really close but I cannot find anything to say to them we have no similiar interests. I’m so scared that I won’t find any friends who I have a genuine connection with because it seems like everyone is already in their groups and they’re so ahead whereas I’m so far behind. I’ve been feeling really homesick too, depressed and contemplating my life, dropping out whether uni is right for me. I don’t know what to do I feel so extremely lost and alone.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, I would really like some help or advice or anything really, so I’ve just finished one week of uni started some lectures and tutorials and stuff went to two club events with some people. I hate my flat because the rest of my flatmates seem to be really close but I cannot find anything to say to them we have no similiar interests. I’m so scared that I won’t find any friends who I have a genuine connection with because it seems like everyone is already in their groups and they’re so ahead whereas I’m so far behind. I’ve been feeling really homesick too, depressed and contemplating my life, dropping out whether uni is right for me. I don’t know what to do I feel so extremely lost and alone.


You aren't alone because you're on TSR where people such as myself will do their best to help you. I think you might find better fortune opening yourself up to online friendships, as well as joining clubs you're interested in in your physical reality. Realize why you are at university and why you're taking the subject you're taking, and find those people who share your passions. It can be a long journey, heck I can't find writers where I live to talk to and interact with, but I'm doing alright without them. I do think it might be helpful to enjoy your own company, but me and you both seem to crave social interactions, so you've got to get out there and search for what you want because it's not going to go looking for you. Try to relax and plan ahead for what you want to do and what clubs you think would be good to join.
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, I would really like some help or advice or anything really, so I’ve just finished one week of uni started some lectures and tutorials and stuff went to two club events with some people. I hate my flat because the rest of my flatmates seem to be really close but I cannot find anything to say to them we have no similiar interests. I’m so scared that I won’t find any friends who I have a genuine connection with because it seems like everyone is already in their groups and they’re so ahead whereas I’m so far behind. I’ve been feeling really homesick too, depressed and contemplating my life, dropping out whether uni is right for me. I don’t know what to do I feel so extremely lost and alone.

I was in this position a few weeks ago, and I still feel the same now. I don't mean to scare you in any way but I just want to let you know you're not alone in this. I am planning to drop out soon (I hope) but I just see it as new opportunities and putting my mental health first.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, I would really like some help or advice or anything really, so I’ve just finished one week of uni started some lectures and tutorials and stuff went to two club events with some people. I hate my flat because the rest of my flatmates seem to be really close but I cannot find anything to say to them we have no similiar interests. I’m so scared that I won’t find any friends who I have a genuine connection with because it seems like everyone is already in their groups and they’re so ahead whereas I’m so far behind. I’ve been feeling really homesick too, depressed and contemplating my life, dropping out whether uni is right for me. I don’t know what to do I feel so extremely lost and alone.


Hi,

Give it a chance... you've literally only just got to uni, so there's still lots of opportunities to turn it around.

Not sure how it works at your university, but at ours... the end of Freshers week / fortnight was marked by an event called the Freshers Bazar. This is where all the approved Uni clubs and societies have stalls to recruit new people (ours was like a busy market place; hence the name Bazar). If you're not bonding with your housemates or those on your course, you should find some Kindred Spirts there.

If you're still feeling this way about November / December time, then that may be the time to think about dropping out.

Good luck.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, I would really like some help or advice or anything really, so I’ve just finished one week of uni started some lectures and tutorials and stuff went to two club events with some people. I hate my flat because the rest of my flatmates seem to be really close but I cannot find anything to say to them we have no similiar interests. I’m so scared that I won’t find any friends who I have a genuine connection with because it seems like everyone is already in their groups and they’re so ahead whereas I’m so far behind. I’ve been feeling really homesick too, depressed and contemplating my life, dropping out whether uni is right for me. I don’t know what to do I feel so extremely lost and alone.

Hiya,

What you're going through is something almost all freshers go or went through, so you're absolutely not alone in this. I remember feeling very out of place when I first started and although things with my flat were good, I was never particularly close with them and that didn't help with my anxiety because I had all of these expectations which didn't end up happening.

As cliche as this sounds, everyone moves at a different pace and in a different direction so don't feel like you should be at the same pace as everyone else and do not be discouraged if you haven't found a 'group' or 'your people', real friendships take time and you will eventually find amazing friends and settle in at your own pace. Maybe start by joining activities/clubs that you find particularly interesting and something that will guarantee you a fun time, that way you can enjoy yourself and socialise with people that share similar interests as you :smile:

Starting University is an incredibly brave and challenging thing to do because you're essentially starting something very new and unknown, but it doesn't mean it will always feel that way. There is an adjustment period that most people tend to forget about, and what you're feeling is that adjustment to a new chapter of your life.

I wish you the very best and I hope this helps in some way!

-Ghala
(Official DU Rep)
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, I would really like some help or advice or anything really, so I’ve just finished one week of uni started some lectures and tutorials and stuff went to two club events with some people. I hate my flat because the rest of my flatmates seem to be really close but I cannot find anything to say to them we have no similiar interests. I’m so scared that I won’t find any friends who I have a genuine connection with because it seems like everyone is already in their groups and they’re so ahead whereas I’m so far behind. I’ve been feeling really homesick too, depressed and contemplating my life, dropping out whether uni is right for me. I don’t know what to do I feel so extremely lost and alone.


I'm so sorry you've been feeling like this :frown: I only found my friends in university during the end of my first year and then my second year. You might not click with the first people you meet and it might take a while to find people with similar interests, but you are doing perfectly fine and there are probably plenty of other people in your position. I would recommend joining societies/clubs that you're interested in, as this is such an amazing way to meet people who are into the same thing you are - this is how I met my friends and then I met their friends and eventually found the people I really enjoy hanging out with. It might take time, but if you find some hobbies you really like and try to keep a high spirit, you'll definitely get there :smile:

I hope this helps!

Estelle
Third Year Psychology Student
University of Huddersfield
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, I would really like some help or advice or anything really, so I’ve just finished one week of uni started some lectures and tutorials and stuff went to two club events with some people. I hate my flat because the rest of my flatmates seem to be really close but I cannot find anything to say to them we have no similiar interests. I’m so scared that I won’t find any friends who I have a genuine connection with because it seems like everyone is already in their groups and they’re so ahead whereas I’m so far behind. I’ve been feeling really homesick too, depressed and contemplating my life, dropping out whether uni is right for me. I don’t know what to do I feel so extremely lost and alone.

Hey!

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this! You've already had some great advice above, but I just also wanted to add that you have so much time left at uni to make friends; I know it feels horrible right now but you've only just started, you've got another 3 years to go and you'll meet so many different people along the way! :heart:

I know a lot of people from my own university experience who didn't get along with their flatmates and managed to make friends on their course or by joining societies! To be honest, you may even get closer to them over time as well just due to being in each other's proximity 24/7. :biggrin:

Personally, I actually transferred to a different uni in my second year of my undergrad, so was actually forced into making new friends! I still managed to make quite a few friends during that time even though, just like you, I was also worried that people were already in their groups and wouldn't be willing to meet new people (especially as it was after a whole year of uni together). I also personally found most of the closest friends I made at uni were actually people I ended up naturally meeting through seminars and other classes, as you just end up almost being forced to talk and be friends through group work etc.

I'd say don't write it off too early, as you still have plenty of time and everyone's experience is different!

Best of luck with everything!!

Natalie
PhD Psychology Student @ University of Kent
(edited 10 months ago)
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, I would really like some help or advice or anything really, so I’ve just finished one week of uni started some lectures and tutorials and stuff went to two club events with some people. I hate my flat because the rest of my flatmates seem to be really close but I cannot find anything to say to them we have no similiar interests. I’m so scared that I won’t find any friends who I have a genuine connection with because it seems like everyone is already in their groups and they’re so ahead whereas I’m so far behind. I’ve been feeling really homesick too, depressed and contemplating my life, dropping out whether uni is right for me. I don’t know what to do I feel so extremely lost and alone.


This is such early days and it is very normal to feel this way.Try and join some societies where you will meet people who do share your interests.

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