Wanting companionship

Hey there,

I am in my early twenties, and gay. I have never been in a relationship, or had any 'romance' to speak of.

It's not a matter of wanting a relationship by a certain age — it is more just something I really want to experience.

I don't feel like I can really get to know anyone, or that anyone wants to make the effort. On top of that, I am starting to really struggle trusting people.

Any moral support is appreciated. Anyone had similar experiences?

Reply 1

Old Skool Freak

20

Original post by Anonymous

I don't feel like I can really get to know anyone, or that anyone wants to make the effort. On top of that, I am starting to really struggle trusting people.

Hi,

You'll need to address these issues first of all. IMHO, these should be your immediate priority. Why don't you feel yo can trust or get to know anyone? Why do you feel no one wants to make an effort? I'm not sure how whether you're "out" (or for how long and to whom?).. but you need to tackle these fundamental issues to really stand a chance of finding happiness in a relationship. Without doing this, you're ignoring future problems that may arise:- for sure, you may meet someone... but you may end up pushing them away because of these skeletons in your closet.

Maybe consider counselling or something, if you don't feel it's an issue you can deal with on your own? I'm a straight guy, so I may well be oblivious to certain issues gay guys have to deal with (apart from obvious)

Having said that, as you're gay, you don't have the same pressure of straight men in asserting yourself (I'm sure you know women very seldom approach men they're interested in)... so once you've sorted the foundations, you just need to make sure you're in the right place at the right time, and then the right guy will clock you and make a beeline for ya :wink:

Good luck.

(edited 7 months ago)

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Old Skool Freak

Hi,

You'll need to address these issues first of all. IMHO, these should be your immediate priority. Why don't you feel yo can trust or get to know anyone? Why do you feel no one wants to make an effort? I'm not sure how whether you're "out" (or for how long and to whom?).. but you need to tackle these fundamental issues to really stand a chance of finding happiness in a relationship. Without doing this, you're ignoring future problems that may arise:- for sure, you may meet someone... but you may end up pushing them away because of these skeletons in your closet.

Maybe consider counselling or something, if you don't feel it's an issue you can deal with on your own? I'm a straight guy, so I may well be oblivious to certain issues gay guys have to deal with (apart from obvious)

Having said that, as you're gay, you don't have the same pressure of straight men in asserting yourself (I'm sure you know women very seldom approach men they're interested in)... so once you've sorted the foundations, you just need to make sure you're in the right place at the right time, and then the right guy will clock you and make a beeline for ya :wink:

Good luck.

Thank you very much, that is actually extremely useful. You're right, I do need to address these issues — because, as you say — if I do meet someone, then these skeletons will likely result in me pushing away the person. I don't know whether you have realised this, but by talking this through you have actually shown me what I can control, and what I can do about the situation. I need not focus on 'other people', so to speak.

If I work on myself, then that will show on the outside as well.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

i know this sounds cheesy but the right person will come with time.
im only just turned 18 so i dont really have much life experience, but one thing ill say is dont force anything just because you want feel like you need to fit into societal norms or want to say youve done something.

im bi and have had had two wlw relationships, i just broke up couple weeks ago actually.
my first relationship was long distance so it was a bit tricky, but i dont regret it. the second however, i do. We have alot in common and are quite compatible but it would have been better for us to stay as friends. In hindsight, i didnt really have my whole heart in it and think the only reason i dated her was because lots of people were pressuring me into it and i felt as if i had to. At the time i think i just wanted to experience a normal relationship, even though at the back of my mind i always knew it wouldnt work out.

my point is, you may think you want to do something because people expect you to have done it, but you dont realise while your in the thick of it. sometimes, you need to take a step back and evaluate what you actually want and then go for it and put yourself out there.

i mean if you do really want to do "something", you can always just hook up with someone yk :smile:

Original post by Anonymous

Hey there,

I am in my early twenties, and gay. I have never been in a relationship, or had any 'romance' to speak of.

It's not a matter of wanting a relationship by a certain age — it is more just something I really want to experience.

I don't feel like I can really get to know anyone, or that anyone wants to make the effort. On top of that, I am starting to really struggle trusting people.

Any moral support is appreciated. Anyone had similar experiences?

Wanting companionship

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