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Why are some people in denial about the importance of looks?

It's so obvious that looks are very important for romantic relationships, I wonder why some people are in denial and make up copes such as "personality" or "hobbies". I'm sure deep down they notice that looks are what matters, as we all notice that goodlooking people are the most wanted and desired, no matter what "personality" or "hobbies" they have. I guess it's just a cope, they're not attractive so they want to believe that they have the same chances as the more attractive people, so they choose to believe a sweet lie rather than a harsh reality

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Some people can't accept that not everything is under their control, so lie to themselves and others to make themselves feel better.
Reply 2
I don’t think many deny that the fortunate attractive set have plenty of choices and tend only to be single by choice. What is also true though is that everyone else (thats the majority) do, with some work, find relationships. The other thing I’ve noticed is that even very attractive people do for some reason suffer their share of dating angst.
I don't believe that it's mainly denial or a cope.
More an awareness of the fact that not everyone's attraction is solely looks orientated and some people have no dealbreakers connected with specific physical looks/types.

There are many sighted people who are primarily attracted by elements other than looks.
Fame, illegal habits, intelligence, money, power, political activism or religious beliefs.
Plenty of vile tempered physically ugly felons who are jobless and have horrifying habits or histories also have gf's or multiple besotted women fighting over them. Even child abusers and serial killers on death row.
Plenty of thuggish criminal scumbags with nothing positive about them have found partners.
The Jerry Springer show and Jeremy Kyle show both had hundreds of these types of guests.
Most of whom had absolutely nothing admirable about them yet more than 3 exes competing to be the rotten apple's 'official' partner.
Even after being lied to, robbed of their savings, beaten into intensive care or infected with a serious illness sexually transmitted by a dishonest two/three/five timer.
Reply 4
Original post by londonmyst
I don't believe that it's mainly denial or a cope.
More an awareness of the fact that not everyone's attraction is solely looks orientated and some people have no dealbreakers connected with specific physical looks/types.

There are many sighted people who are primarily attracted by elements other than looks.
Fame, illegal habits, intelligence, money, power, political activism or religious beliefs.
Plenty of vile tempered physically ugly felons who are jobless and have horrifying habits or histories also have gf's or multiple besotted women fighting over them. Even child abusers and serial killers on death row.
Plenty of thuggish criminal scumbags with nothing positive about them have found partners.
The Jerry Springer show and Jeremy Kyle show both had hundreds of these types of guests.
Most of whom had absolutely nothing admirable about them yet more than 3 exes competing to be the rotten apple's 'official' partner.
Even after being lied to, robbed of their savings, beaten into intensive care or infected with a serious illness sexually transmitted by a dishonest two/three/five timer.

That's cope. Looks is what determines who you can get, not hobbies or personality
Original post by Kawasa
That's cope. Looks is what determines who you can get, not hobbies or personality


i think looks are important but i think you're placing too much importance on them.

for me, in a group of people i would be open to dating anyone who is averagely attractive or better. and then out of this group, i'd determine who i'd want to be with based on personality and interests. i agree that looks are important since i wouldn't want to date someone ugly, but you shouldn't let them solely determine who you date or else you're going to have a really bland relationship. if a very attractive guy who's into sports and working out dates a very pretty girl who likes staying in and watching movies, the only thing going for the couple is the photos they can take together because their interests do not mesh at all
Original post by Kawasa
It's so obvious that looks are very important for romantic relationships, I wonder why some people are in denial and make up copes such as "personality" or "hobbies". I'm sure deep down they notice that looks are what matters, as we all notice that goodlooking people are the most wanted and desired, no matter what "personality" or "hobbies" they have. I guess it's just a cope, they're not attractive so they want to believe that they have the same chances as the more attractive people, so they choose to believe a sweet lie rather than a harsh reality


Looks matters the most when you see someone for the first time until you get to know a person as its what makes a person approach you in the first place. Looks won’t matter long term if you’re personality doesn’t mesh well with the other. Some people may be average looking but say you hang out and spend time with them because of mutual friends they may grow on you and you will find them more overall attractive as a whole. There are many people who may not be conventionally attractive who have won peoples hearts by their mysterious and unexpected personality which can grow on a person. Someone could be very attractive but that may wear off if you find them annoying and rude to others.
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
i think looks are important but i think you're placing too much importance on them.

for me, in a group of people i would be open to dating anyone who is averagely attractive or better. and then out of this group, i'd determine who i'd want to be with based on personality and interests. i agree that looks are important since i wouldn't want to date someone ugly, but you shouldn't let them solely determine who you date or else you're going to have a really bland relationship. if a very attractive guy who's into sports and working out dates a very pretty girl who likes staying in and watching movies, the only thing going for the couple is the photos they can take together because their interests do not mesh at all

You contradict yourself, you say I put too much importance on looks then you say you wouldn't date someone ugly. So that's it, it's looks. I see many people together with completely different interests, they even like to explore the partner's different interests, that's how powerful looks are. Love at first sight is a clear example
Original post by Kawasa
It's so obvious that looks are very important for romantic relationships, I wonder why some people are in denial and make up copes such as "personality" or "hobbies". I'm sure deep down they notice that looks are what matters, as we all notice that goodlooking people are the most wanted and desired, no matter what "personality" or "hobbies" they have. I guess it's just a cope, they're not attractive so they want to believe that they have the same chances as the more attractive people, so they choose to believe a sweet lie rather than a harsh reality

looks are important as you have said but you place too much significance to them. yes the first thing we look at is looks but someone doesn't need to be a 10/10, they just need to not be ugly. but other than that, it really is their personality that would make us want to pursue a relationship to them. a 9/10 conventionally attractive guy who is mildly funny and doesn't have a lot of interests cannot even compare to an average 7/10 who's funny, has so much interests and can keep a conversation.
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous
Looks matters the most when you see someone for the first time until you get to know a person as its what makes a person approach you in the first place. Looks won’t matter long term if you’re personality doesn’t mesh well with the other. Some people may be average looking but say you hang out and spend time with them because of mutual friends they may grow on you and you will find them more overall attractive as a whole. There are many people who may not be conventionally attractive who have won peoples hearts by their mysterious and unexpected personality which can grow on a person. Someone could be very attractive but that may wear off if you find them annoying and rude to others.

That's cope. Reality is different than that, I guess it's harder to accept. That's why you want to believe it
Reply 10
Original post by Anonymous
looks are important as you have said but you place too much significance to them. yes the first thing we look at is looks but someone doesn't need to be a 10/10, they just need to not be ugly. but other than that, it really is their personality that would make us want to pursue a relationship to them. a 9/10 conventionally attractive guy who is mildly funny and doesn't have a lot of interests cannot even compare to an average 7/10 who's funny, has so much interests and can keep a conversation.

Cope, a 9 always beats people who are worse looking than him/her. He/she can even make other couples separate if he/she wants
Looks are clearly important and certainly play a role, it's silly to deny that. But I don't think it's the most important factor in a relationship, at least in the long run. Because no matter how fit your partner is, if you're with them long enough you'll get ''bored'' of their beauty, the novelty wears off. So if there's no common interest or engaging personality there then it's unlikely to work out. I've slept with some peng tings who I would never want a relationship with because our personalities just don't gel at all.
Original post by Kawasa
Cope, a 9 always beats people who are worse looking than him/her. He/she can even make other couples separate if he/she wants

um no! a couple doesn't separate just because one person sees someone they find more attractive. i would assume by the time people are in a relationship they're actually committed to the person rather than being with them just for their looks. i don't know what shallow people you've been around to make you think looks are the only or even the biggest deciding factor in pursuing a relationship
Reply 13
Original post by Anonymous
um no! a couple doesn't separate just because one person sees someone they find more attractive. i would assume by the time people are in a relationship they're actually committed to the person rather than being with them just for their looks. i don't know what shallow people you've been around to make you think looks are the only or even the biggest deciding factor in pursuing a relationship

It's actually the reason why most couples separate, one has found someone else who is better looking so he/she dumps the ex because he/she has a better option.
Reply 14
Original post by Sorcerer of Old
Looks are clearly important and certainly play a role, it's silly to deny that. But I don't think it's the most important factor in a relationship, at least in the long run. Because no matter how fit your partner is, if you're with them long enough you'll get ''bored'' of their beauty, the novelty wears off. So if there's no common interest or engaging personality there then it's unlikely to work out. I've slept with some peng tings who I would never want a relationship with because our personalities just don't gel at all.

You don't get bored of beauty. You get bored of the same personality and interests
Original post by Kawasa
You don't get bored of beauty. You get bored of the same personality and interests

You most certainly get bored of the same person's beauty.
Reply 16
Original post by Sorcerer of Old
You most certainly get bored of the same person's beauty.

You don't, beauty stimulates your senses and produces the hormones of happyness. An ugly person can't give you that. I hear many girls who say that seeing a handsome guy when they get up is the best experience in life, that says a lot about the importance of looks.
Original post by Kawasa
That's cope. Looks is what determines who you can get, not hobbies or personality

Not for everyone.

Different people often have very different attraction dealbreakers and ambitions.
Blind people with zero eyesight will usually have no idea what a partner looks like and very few looks orientated dealbreakers.

I'm average looking with makeup on and short.
it is very unlikely that the majority of my exes who wanted to get married or live together without marriage asked me because of my looks.
My best friend is a professional model; she is beautiful, very slim, wealthy, very family orientated and has fewer dealbreakers than I do.
But she gets a lot less serious dating interest from single guys than I do and always gets dumped by bf's.
Original post by Kawasa
Cope, a 9 always beats people who are worse looking than him/her. He/she can even make other couples separate if he/she wants

What's with this weird rating nonsense that you lot seem to obsess over? Normal people don't look at other humans and immediately assign them a number. Besides being incredibly subjective, it is just dumb. It is also why people like that are generally less able to pull members of the opposite sex. Nobody likes being objectified.

I am asexual myself, but that does not mean that I am unable to acknowledge the beauty around me when I see it. Just because I don't experience sexual arousal does not mean that I cannot say "That is a beautiful woman" or "What a handsome man". All of us are capable of noticing when somebody is good looking, and it is often the first thing you notice when you meet somebody. However, if that person turns out to be a complete arse, you go off them pretty quickly. This applies regardless of one's sexual orientation.

Personality is what makes a person a keeper and forms the basis for a long-term relationship. That is how old couples stay married for 50+ years. They have a deeper connection that goes far beyond the superficial and it is sad that you appear to be incapable of forming such a connection.
Original post by Kawasa
You don't, beauty stimulates your senses and produces the hormones of happyness. An ugly person can't give you that. I hear many girls who say that seeing a handsome guy when they get up is the best experience in life, that says a lot about the importance of looks.

I repeat, the novelty of everything wears off if you're exposed to it continuously (to say nothing of beauty fading with age). What you're saying is just incel rhetoric basically.
(edited 7 months ago)

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