The Student Room Group

School life and friends

This is very long and I am sorry. I just hope that people don’t relate but if they do can share with me some tips on how to cope with this. I would like for whoever is reading this to take everything into account before responding with a judgement.
I was once close friends with some really nice people until two girls (let’s call them A and B) joined the group. It was fine. Nothing wrong with that. Our friend group was seen as the “nice people” of our year group, so people frequently approached us. We had the smart people, mostly introverts etc.

This was until I started getting clearly and noticeably excluded from every-day things that a normal friend group does. I was never invited to go out etc. and I frequently heard them saying that they “had so much fun at the sleepover last night”.

I had a theory that this was because I was the only one who didn’t have most people’s phone numbers due to the fact that my parents restrict me from getting the app “WhatsApp” therefore I am unable to make plans to go out or have normal conversations on this app which seems a pretty important part of life to some people nowadays. Also, I am restricted to have any social media so this detaches me from what goes on throughout people’s screens, instagram pages, messages; etc. Also, since moving into GCSE I had been moved (along with some other people) by SLT to the other side of the year group due to my GCSE option choices, which meant I would be in none of my best friends classes. But I don’t know. Sometimes this scares me, but I get used to it.

I tried confronting my friends about this but they shrugged it off, like normal. My best friends were growing distant to me and rumours were spread about me. I was in denial that this was happening. Surely, they wouldn’t do something like that to me.
Coinciding with this, I was also getting bullied and struggling with my mental health so this was a fun addition to my plate.

Also, my group had recently collectively excluded a girl (I will call her E) from the group over text because they couldn’t cope with how much of a “pick me” girl E was. A few months later they did this to another girl (let’s call her L) and I asked why they didn’t like her and they responded by telling me that she was a b*tch to them on WhatsApp and I wouldn’t understand because I’m not in any of their group chats. As cringe as this seems, I realised I could be next. This friend group was falling apart and people were dropping like flies (or being swatted in this case).

Meanwhile, one of the newer girls I was talking about at the start (A) had another friend group which she liked swapping in and out of with ours, because she viewed that one was “boring” for her. She is quite the extrovert. She had gone to my primary school and knew her well. Her and my closest friends at that time then grew closer than ever, and pushed me out. I had no one to talk to. They did everything together; though behind my back. They said nothing. Except, nobody knew this. Everyone thought we were all close. When we were all put together in groups for school trips, they would run away and take selfies whilst I was stuck behind. I later found these while I looked on their instagram (on somebody else’s phone) entitled “my best friends” and “three musketeers”.

It hurt.

And I wish they knew that. It hurt me deep down. I had done nothing, at least I didn’t know what I had done if I had. They just didn’t say anything to me, but it was so clear and evident that they disliked me. I struggle with confronting people due to fear of judgement and failure so I gave up.

Eventually, when I gave up, I gravitated towards some nicer people. I was done with reputations. It was my way of saying I had got their message and I hope they get mine.
I was used to being ignored, (I say this in the nicest way possible) due to myself being quite a quiet person, but nothing had hit me quite like this. I thought I had something going with those people. I genuinely loved to be with them. But obviously this was eventually not reciprocated.

However, a few months later the roles for school prefect were advertised, and I was considering it but I had too much going on, I just forgot, and didn’t think that much of it. Recently, the prefects were announced and I bet you can guess who got head prefect, the one and only (A). I’m just confused. She looks so happy, but conceited and arrogant. She is prefect along with my other friend. I don’t know what to feel any more.

This is what my question is about. How to deal with all of this. I have my new friends, but I can’t keep feeling the pain every time I see those three girls just getting on with their lives. I wish I could just do that. I really want to be friends with my old friends again, but I can’t bare encountering (A) again. She just treated me so differently and in a way that made me feel so inferior and stupid. When they walk past me they don’t even look me in the eye and when they do it’s like they are staring into nothing. I don’t know what to do. I have just felt numb.

should I:

A: text my past best friend and explain everything (even though this happened a few months ago) and ask her if I had done anything to upset them

B: become completely invested in my new friend group and ignore (A) and (B) etc.

thank you for reading :smile: and have a nice day. I hope this didn’t waste a chunk of ur time.
I think it is better for you to try your best to move on from them and move forward with your new, much better friends. I'm sorry that you're going through this and have had so little support, you deserve to be surrounded by better people who would be more considerate of your feelings. Them leaving you out of past activities solely because your parents restrict you in such a way is completely unfair, and the fact that they have shrugged you off in the past when trying to communicate says.. more than enough. I feel like there is no need to chase after them much longer since they are acting as they are. I understand that it's painful, even months from now there may be some lingering pain, but you shouldn't force yourself to bear with them much longer. I'm sure you'll feel much better with your new friends and I hope everything improves for you soon!
Go with B and move on from your past friends.

They had already decided months ago to leave you out of activities or group chats.
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