Housemates keep giving me loose invites and then leaving without me

So I just moved into a shared house with 6 strangers (who all know each other and are very good friends). 4 times now I have been given a loose invite such as 'oh we're going out on Tuesday you should come', no specific time given, then Tuesday rolls around and I don't get a follow up message or anything so I assume it's off, until I hear them all by the door leaving and then they're gone within 5 minutes. I don't know if this is my autism or if this is objectively strange of them but I would like to be given a specific time by which I need to be ready or at least 1 hour's notice- some of you are probably thinking I'm an idiot for not just running out the door and joining them as soon as I hear them in the corridoor but I do also want to be given the opportunity to get ready too? Any suggestions on how I can turn these loose invites into actual concrete plans with these people for next time? I'm simply being offered to tag along and they don't know me at all so I really can't be too demanding. Thank you :frown:

Original post by Anonymous

So I just moved into a shared house with 6 strangers (who all know each other and are very good friends). 4 times now I have been given a loose invite such as 'oh we're going out on Tuesday you should come', no specific time given, then Tuesday rolls around and I don't get a follow up message or anything so I assume it's off, until I hear them all by the door leaving and then they're gone within 5 minutes. I don't know if this is my autism or if this is objectively strange of them but I would like to be given a specific time by which I need to be ready or at least 1 hour's notice- some of you are probably thinking I'm an idiot for not just running out the door and joining them as soon as I hear them in the corridoor but I do also want to be given the opportunity to get ready too? Any suggestions on how I can turn these loose invites into actual concrete plans with these people for next time? I'm simply being offered to tag along and they don't know me at all so I really can't be too demanding. Thank you :frown:

Hi there.

This doesn't sound fun - maybe it's just a bit of miscommunication.

Next time they ask you or tell you they're going somewhere, maybe try and get a time from them when they first ask. This could obviously change but at least then you will have a rough idea about when they will be going out.

Also, do you have them on social media or text? I'm sure if you were to send them a message about when they're going out on the day or the before that they would be able to keep you in the loop.

I like to be prepared before going out and I like to know what I'm doing, so I kind of understand your stress.

I hope this gets better for you!
Emily :smile:

Original post by Anonymous

So I just moved into a shared house with 6 strangers (who all know each other and are very good friends). 4 times now I have been given a loose invite such as 'oh we're going out on Tuesday you should come', no specific time given, then Tuesday rolls around and I don't get a follow up message or anything so I assume it's off, until I hear them all by the door leaving and then they're gone within 5 minutes. I don't know if this is my autism or if this is objectively strange of them but I would like to be given a specific time by which I need to be ready or at least 1 hour's notice- some of you are probably thinking I'm an idiot for not just running out the door and joining them as soon as I hear them in the corridoor but I do also want to be given the opportunity to get ready too? Any suggestions on how I can turn these loose invites into actual concrete plans with these people for next time? I'm simply being offered to tag along and they don't know me at all so I really can't be too demanding. Thank you :frown:

Hi there

Sorry to hear about your situation. I understand it is difficult trying to hang out with a group of people who already knew each other quite well.

It is perfectly normal wanting time to get prepared before heading out. In your situation, perhaps you could try asking for more details when they invite you? e.g. what time, where they will be going. This could help you ease the stress a little. Another thing you could do is ask for their contact details so you could check on the day/ few hours before going out to confirm that things are still on.

I hope this helps.
Chloe
University of Kent Student Rep

Original post by Anonymous

So I just moved into a shared house with 6 strangers (who all know each other and are very good friends). 4 times now I have been given a loose invite such as 'oh we're going out on Tuesday you should come', no specific time given, then Tuesday rolls around and I don't get a follow up message or anything so I assume it's off, until I hear them all by the door leaving and then they're gone within 5 minutes. I don't know if this is my autism or if this is objectively strange of them but I would like to be given a specific time by which I need to be ready or at least 1 hour's notice- some of you are probably thinking I'm an idiot for not just running out the door and joining them as soon as I hear them in the corridoor but I do also want to be given the opportunity to get ready too? Any suggestions on how I can turn these loose invites into actual concrete plans with these people for next time? I'm simply being offered to tag along and they don't know me at all so I really can't be too demanding. Thank you :frown:

When the loose invite si made, follow it up with a request for a time. Put a note in your diary and ask the morning of the day - Are you guys still planning to go out tonight? What time? Maybe check again in the evening - Are you still planning to go out at about 8 tonight? Communications is a two way street, if you need greater detail, you have to ask for it.

Reply 4

University of Sunderland Student Ambassador

Official Rep

11

Original post by Anonymous

So I just moved into a shared house with 6 strangers (who all know each other and are very good friends). 4 times now I have been given a loose invite such as 'oh we're going out on Tuesday you should come', no specific time given, then Tuesday rolls around and I don't get a follow up message or anything so I assume it's off, until I hear them all by the door leaving and then they're gone within 5 minutes. I don't know if this is my autism or if this is objectively strange of them but I would like to be given a specific time by which I need to be ready or at least 1 hour's notice- some of you are probably thinking I'm an idiot for not just running out the door and joining them as soon as I hear them in the corridoor but I do also want to be given the opportunity to get ready too? Any suggestions on how I can turn these loose invites into actual concrete plans with these people for next time? I'm simply being offered to tag along and they don't know me at all so I really can't be too demanding. Thank you :frown:

Sounds like a simple miscommunication, I'd definitely recommend following up yourself or sounding enthusiastic when initially invited, even saying 'sounds great, what time?' would help I think. It doesn't sound like they're doing anything to be malicious so maybe give them the benefit of the doubt this time around. Even leading up to the event saying things like 'i'm really looking forward to __' or even 'what are you planning to wear' reinforces that you're interested in being involved which should lead to more communication from them too.

Reply 5

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

21

Are your housemates aware that you have autism? Even if they are, it might be best explaining that broad plans, (which are well-meaning on their part), might be confusing or frustrating for you. Just let them know that you'd love to join them, but need something specific to plan around.

Housemates keep giving me loose invites and then leaving without me

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