The Student Room Group

Have I blown all my chances with my crush?

I have a crush on this guy at work, where I only just started recently. We maybe bump into each other about twice a week as there are a lot of employees. Yet we always smile at each other and I have caught him staring at me from a distance when we briefly cross paths.

Today I bumped into him again and decided to actually talk to him so I could get to know him as a person. I felt quite awkward and it was just small talk as it was our first proper conversation, so very surface level like where we went to uni, how we're finding work, etc.

Because we rarely bump into each other, I thought I'd take the opportunity to ask if he'd like to have coffee or lunch at the work canteen (my excuse was that I'm new and wanted to get to know people. It is also true that I've struggled making friends at work as most of my colleagues are much older with children my age, so I find it hard to relate to them). He said that his break/lunch is different to mine when I told him the time I'm free, which was true after looking at the master schedule of everyone's shifts. He said that he may come and find me if he is free anyways (which I doubt he will).

I just feel very awkward now, I feel like I've been rejected and I worry that I came across too strong or desperate. I can't help but overthink our conversation and worry that he thinks I'm creepy or something
Reply 1
It’s fine, lunch at work is an ambiguous gesture of interest. It can signal romantic interest but equally it can be just as you said. So it not a rejection and as you say there was a reason you can’t easily meet up at lunchtime. As to whether there is still an opportunity, usually gut instinct on this is valid but I would say it’s worth a bit more flirting to see what happens
Original post by Anonymous
I have a crush on this guy at work, where I only just started recently. We maybe bump into each other about twice a week as there are a lot of employees. Yet we always smile at each other and I have caught him staring at me from a distance when we briefly cross paths.

Today I bumped into him again and decided to actually talk to him so I could get to know him as a person. I felt quite awkward and it was just small talk as it was our first proper conversation, so very surface level like where we went to uni, how we're finding work, etc.

Because we rarely bump into each other, I thought I'd take the opportunity to ask if he'd like to have coffee or lunch at the work canteen (my excuse was that I'm new and wanted to get to know people. It is also true that I've struggled making friends at work as most of my colleagues are much older with children my age, so I find it hard to relate to them). He said that his break/lunch is different to mine when I told him the time I'm free, which was true after looking at the master schedule of everyone's shifts. He said that he may come and find me if he is free anyways (which I doubt he will).

I just feel very awkward now, I feel like I've been rejected and I worry that I came across too strong or desperate. I can't help but overthink our conversation and worry that he thinks I'm creepy or something

I wouldn't say that you've blown all your chances, I think it's probably a combination of factors to why he may have said no considering that you say that his schedule is different to yours as well as that you barely see each other.
Considering that you've also just talked on a surface level so far, I would say that maybe he's just unsure or thinks that it's kinda awkward as well to have lunch with you.

I would say that you just get to know him better first through small little interactions and whatnot, like to get to a more friendly basis (not saying that you actually become friends friends and then there may be the whole situation of 'I don't want to ruin our friendship') and see whether he also reciprocates the same crush on you. Basically, just build it up again and gain enough momentum so that you feel comfortable asking him out to lunch or wherever, vice versa.

But in the meantime, depending on your preference and personality there could be a few ways to go about you work when around him. For example, you could either show no embarrassment or effect and kind of have an unbothered and passive stance to your invitation, showing him that it wasn't a huge priority on your list and that you don't mind. Or you could avoid him for the most part and when you do interact with him, keep it to a minimum but in the same manner as you used to interact with him, making it seem that your outlook on him hasn't changed but instead make him think that his response made you think that he wasn't interested and simply brushed you off. Or you could act awkwardly around him, like keep stealing glances at him like he also does to you and start to gradually build up a sort of flirty friendliness with him.

I don't know if this will help but it truly depends on the situations circumstances, like (I'm not a professional clearly and I don't know you or what the situation truly looks like and the suggestions are simply suggestions and nothing more as it is your life and I should have no input in it whatsoever), I'm sitting at a screen typing a 'solution' that may not help you at all, but I truly wish that things work out for you with him the way you want it to. (Also I suck at communicating online so I don't even know if what I typed made sense but just follow your gut instinct - maybe - not your head or heart - once again this is my opinion based on observations and they may not apply to you - and see where it takes you, because the worse case is that you formally get rejected, you learn and you continue to go about your life as I'm also assuming that the job isn't where you're going to stay forever. Idk, you might and I'm not trying to minimise your feelings but the phrase 'worse case scenario', I'm trying to be optimistic.)

Anyways, good luck out there. Truly.

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