How would you help a friend out who had to turn down going to uni to become a single

My best friend has always been very academic. Top marks in everything, 10 different extra curricular on the go, volunteers, I don't know how she did it all. Her whole life was leading her to get into university, and to excel in some hotshot career. I want to emphasise how big this all was for her. Some of our teachers encouraged her towards Oxbridge, she was *that* girl in the best way possible.

To no surprise she got into a redbrick. She was meant to start a few months ago but had to turn down the offer as it turns out she was pregnant. She didn't realise for quite some time either so it was a bit too late for a certain option. She has given birth to the cutest baby girl and has moved into a little flat, the father has no interest.

In the meantime all of her friends have gone off to uni. I try to keep in contact with her regularly, she has no friends around her and this is obviously a big life event occurring.

She is angry and bitter at the world. She is taking it out on everyone, she thinks no one deserves their place at uni and it's wasted on all of us. She has even told me that she wishes that I was the single mother as I am not going to make anything of myself anyway.

She has never acted like this before. I do get it to an extent, to have everything she has worked so hard for ripped away like that, while someone like me who has never tried even tried remotely as hard gets to have it all. I understand the anger, but at the same time its way too much.

I want to help her through this, but I don't know how. I know she is in therapy but I think she needs more then that and I dont know how I should approach this.

What would you do in this situation to help her out.

Reply 1

StriderHort

Possibly nothing, no matter how much help or sympathy you offer it might just be taken as insulting, which sounds kinda likely - stuff like 'it should be you, you'd never succeed anyway' etc is the bitterness and self hating desire for a sore face talking, but not much you can do in the face of such an attitude.

Push comes to shove, they made a life changing choice that can't be taken back and now regret it. considering the complexities of natal depressions etc, the therapists might be the best option, especially as you don't really have any exp of what she will be going through.

I'm not saying you need to dump them as a friend, but you might need to take a few steps back till things stabilise, plus you've also got your own education to worry about.