I hate my dream uni
(This is more just a vent post than anything else)
I’m at second year law student at Oxford and going here has been my dream but now I’m actually here I hate it.
I’m an introvert so I haven’t made a single friend here, I genuinely cannot remember one social activity I participated in while being here, I tried in the first few weeks of last year but when it became obvious no one wants to be friends with me I just gave up and now I spend basically every night drinking alone in my room lol.
I spend about 8 hours a day studying law and 2 hours a day on my french (I do law with french law so have to keep my french up for the year abroad + they sometimes set work), I miss meals to have enough time to study but I’m still consistently told by tutors that I’m not working hard enough even when I explain to them how much I do they don’t seem to believe me because I’m not super naturally talented and all interest I had in law has disappeared since being here. My marks are generally in the low 60s which isn’t bad but isn’t good and doesn’t save me from shame in tutorials.
I haven’t had more than 4 hours sleep per night in about two weeks because the extremely loud extractor fan for the bathroom is right against my bedroom door and my housemates shower at 1am but I work best in the mornings and find I don’t get everything done if I don’t get up at 6.
My house is dirty (not through my fault) and I avoid going in the kitchen/bathroom as much as possible but I’m constantly freaked out by the germs and I shower as much as three times a day and go through a bottle of hand sanitizer a week because I can’t live in this filth.
Why has my dream uni become something I hate so much?
TLDR Oxford is ******* awful
I’m at second year law student at Oxford and going here has been my dream but now I’m actually here I hate it.
I’m an introvert so I haven’t made a single friend here, I genuinely cannot remember one social activity I participated in while being here, I tried in the first few weeks of last year but when it became obvious no one wants to be friends with me I just gave up and now I spend basically every night drinking alone in my room lol.
I spend about 8 hours a day studying law and 2 hours a day on my french (I do law with french law so have to keep my french up for the year abroad + they sometimes set work), I miss meals to have enough time to study but I’m still consistently told by tutors that I’m not working hard enough even when I explain to them how much I do they don’t seem to believe me because I’m not super naturally talented and all interest I had in law has disappeared since being here. My marks are generally in the low 60s which isn’t bad but isn’t good and doesn’t save me from shame in tutorials.
I haven’t had more than 4 hours sleep per night in about two weeks because the extremely loud extractor fan for the bathroom is right against my bedroom door and my housemates shower at 1am but I work best in the mornings and find I don’t get everything done if I don’t get up at 6.
My house is dirty (not through my fault) and I avoid going in the kitchen/bathroom as much as possible but I’m constantly freaked out by the germs and I shower as much as three times a day and go through a bottle of hand sanitizer a week because I can’t live in this filth.
Why has my dream uni become something I hate so much?
TLDR Oxford is ******* awful
Oh you poor thing that sounds horrendous!
What jumped out as most concerning to me is the fact you are not eating properly. You must take care of your health otherwise that will cause other issues as well as burnout. Please regulate your meals you cannot study 10hrs a day with no fuel! you need fuel to charge your brain and you also need sleep!
Can you have a meeting with your flatmates to discuss the issue around the fan extractor? perhaps they can change the time they shower...1 am is a very odd time to be showering, failing that will ear plugs help? once you've got on top of these two things you will find that your study time is more productive and infact you can complete your work in a shorter time than you currently are. Quality over quantity.
What jumped out as most concerning to me is the fact you are not eating properly. You must take care of your health otherwise that will cause other issues as well as burnout. Please regulate your meals you cannot study 10hrs a day with no fuel! you need fuel to charge your brain and you also need sleep!
Can you have a meeting with your flatmates to discuss the issue around the fan extractor? perhaps they can change the time they shower...1 am is a very odd time to be showering, failing that will ear plugs help? once you've got on top of these two things you will find that your study time is more productive and infact you can complete your work in a shorter time than you currently are. Quality over quantity.
(edited 6 months ago)
Hi. I'm currently in third year at York University and have found myself going through the same thing for the past few years. I myself am introverted and struggle to start conversations and form friendships. It was particularly hard as most of my flatmates had friends from college and secondary schools at the university with them whereas I knew no one. However, I decided last year to go against my comfort zone and attend a society just so that I'd interact with others and get out of my bedroom for a little bit. As I'm quite a nerd, I ended up going the Harry Potter society at my university and while I didn't form any really strong friendships, I still found people to talk with and enjoyed a couple of hours each week away from my room and my uni work. From this, I then created a time table for myself whereby I prioritised my work load but also allowed time to just go on a walk, go to Harry Potter society, have something to eat or even watch YouTube (the Sidemen in my case) just to have that little bit of stress free time to calm myself down. I don't know if this could help in your situation as I don't know if there are any societies at your university that you might be interested in or if timetabling specific activities would help you. As for the extractor fan, I also had trouble sleeping in my first year due to a lot of loud people living in my flat. I found that for me, I was able to sleep easier when I had a YouTube video of some music in the background on a low volume as some buffer noise in the background.i Know that some of these ideas may not work for you but these are just some of the things that have helped improved my lonely and stressful time at university and I wanted to share them with you to see if they could help you in any way. I hope whatever happens, that the situation improves for you.
Original post by Username123ab
(This is more just a vent post than anything else)
I’m at second year law student at Oxford and going here has been my dream but now I’m actually here I hate it.
I’m an introvert so I haven’t made a single friend here, I genuinely cannot remember one social activity I participated in while being here, I tried in the first few weeks of last year but when it became obvious no one wants to be friends with me I just gave up and now I spend basically every night drinking alone in my room lol.
I spend about 8 hours a day studying law and 2 hours a day on my french (I do law with french law so have to keep my french up for the year abroad + they sometimes set work), I miss meals to have enough time to study but I’m still consistently told by tutors that I’m not working hard enough even when I explain to them how much I do they don’t seem to believe me because I’m not super naturally talented and all interest I had in law has disappeared since being here. My marks are generally in the low 60s which isn’t bad but isn’t good and doesn’t save me from shame in tutorials.
I haven’t had more than 4 hours sleep per night in about two weeks because the extremely loud extractor fan for the bathroom is right against my bedroom door and my housemates shower at 1am but I work best in the mornings and find I don’t get everything done if I don’t get up at 6.
My house is dirty (not through my fault) and I avoid going in the kitchen/bathroom as much as possible but I’m constantly freaked out by the germs and I shower as much as three times a day and go through a bottle of hand sanitizer a week because I can’t live in this filth.
Why has my dream uni become something I hate so much?
TLDR Oxford is ******* awful
I’m at second year law student at Oxford and going here has been my dream but now I’m actually here I hate it.
I’m an introvert so I haven’t made a single friend here, I genuinely cannot remember one social activity I participated in while being here, I tried in the first few weeks of last year but when it became obvious no one wants to be friends with me I just gave up and now I spend basically every night drinking alone in my room lol.
I spend about 8 hours a day studying law and 2 hours a day on my french (I do law with french law so have to keep my french up for the year abroad + they sometimes set work), I miss meals to have enough time to study but I’m still consistently told by tutors that I’m not working hard enough even when I explain to them how much I do they don’t seem to believe me because I’m not super naturally talented and all interest I had in law has disappeared since being here. My marks are generally in the low 60s which isn’t bad but isn’t good and doesn’t save me from shame in tutorials.
I haven’t had more than 4 hours sleep per night in about two weeks because the extremely loud extractor fan for the bathroom is right against my bedroom door and my housemates shower at 1am but I work best in the mornings and find I don’t get everything done if I don’t get up at 6.
My house is dirty (not through my fault) and I avoid going in the kitchen/bathroom as much as possible but I’m constantly freaked out by the germs and I shower as much as three times a day and go through a bottle of hand sanitizer a week because I can’t live in this filth.
Why has my dream uni become something I hate so much?
TLDR Oxford is ******* awful
Hey @Username123ab, I'm so sorry to hear this and that you're feeling this way. I empathise with your situation about being an introvert, I am very introverted and anxious myself, and I remember just being so completely shy throughout my studies and found it so difficult to make friends. What I wish I knew then though is that friends come at all different stages of your life, it's different for everyone. Sure, some people meet their friends for life at uni, but others might meet there's in their final year, after they've graduated and in the work place, later on in life, it's completely fine. I know you said you tried participating in some social activities last year, so that's absolutely amazing that you made the move to try and meet new people! Have you seen any clubs or societies that take your interest? I know some student ambassadors who were really shy when they first started university and now they are really thriving with confidence in this role so perhaps you could have a think about that, or even a volunteering opportunity at your university? They are all great ways of meeting new people.
Please make sure you're eating enough! Food is fuel, and your health and wellbeing come first before anything. You can reach out to your university's mental health support services and speak to a counsellor who can help you manage the stress and anxiety, and maybe come up with ways to find a better work-life balance. You can also reach out to academic support at your uni who can offer advice and help to improve your academic performance as well.
It's normal and totally okay to reassess your goals and what you want in life, if things aren't making you happy then that's a sign it's time for a change. Please do try and reach out to support services at the uni, keep in contact with your loved ones for support, and think about any adjustments you can make to help you through your university journey. I wish you the very best of luck with everything.
Becky
Original post by Username123ab
(This is more just a vent post than anything else)
I’m at second year law student at Oxford and going here has been my dream but now I’m actually here I hate it.
I’m an introvert so I haven’t made a single friend here, I genuinely cannot remember one social activity I participated in while being here, I tried in the first few weeks of last year but when it became obvious no one wants to be friends with me I just gave up and now I spend basically every night drinking alone in my room lol.
I spend about 8 hours a day studying law and 2 hours a day on my french (I do law with french law so have to keep my french up for the year abroad + they sometimes set work), I miss meals to have enough time to study but I’m still consistently told by tutors that I’m not working hard enough even when I explain to them how much I do they don’t seem to believe me because I’m not super naturally talented and all interest I had in law has disappeared since being here. My marks are generally in the low 60s which isn’t bad but isn’t good and doesn’t save me from shame in tutorials.
I haven’t had more than 4 hours sleep per night in about two weeks because the extremely loud extractor fan for the bathroom is right against my bedroom door and my housemates shower at 1am but I work best in the mornings and find I don’t get everything done if I don’t get up at 6.
My house is dirty (not through my fault) and I avoid going in the kitchen/bathroom as much as possible but I’m constantly freaked out by the germs and I shower as much as three times a day and go through a bottle of hand sanitizer a week because I can’t live in this filth.
Why has my dream uni become something I hate so much?
TLDR Oxford is ******* a
I’m at second year law student at Oxford and going here has been my dream but now I’m actually here I hate it.
I’m an introvert so I haven’t made a single friend here, I genuinely cannot remember one social activity I participated in while being here, I tried in the first few weeks of last year but when it became obvious no one wants to be friends with me I just gave up and now I spend basically every night drinking alone in my room lol.
I spend about 8 hours a day studying law and 2 hours a day on my french (I do law with french law so have to keep my french up for the year abroad + they sometimes set work), I miss meals to have enough time to study but I’m still consistently told by tutors that I’m not working hard enough even when I explain to them how much I do they don’t seem to believe me because I’m not super naturally talented and all interest I had in law has disappeared since being here. My marks are generally in the low 60s which isn’t bad but isn’t good and doesn’t save me from shame in tutorials.
I haven’t had more than 4 hours sleep per night in about two weeks because the extremely loud extractor fan for the bathroom is right against my bedroom door and my housemates shower at 1am but I work best in the mornings and find I don’t get everything done if I don’t get up at 6.
My house is dirty (not through my fault) and I avoid going in the kitchen/bathroom as much as possible but I’m constantly freaked out by the germs and I shower as much as three times a day and go through a bottle of hand sanitizer a week because I can’t live in this filth.
Why has my dream uni become something I hate so much?
TLDR Oxford is ******* a
@Username123ab
It is good that you shared! Hopefully you feel a lot better having shared some of the challenges you are facing.
You survived your first year! Are there things from first year that were good that you can try and incorporate into this year?
It is concerning that you are spending your time, drinking on your own in your room. It's tough when you've got a lot of work to do, to know how to prioritise as well as going to social activities, but even if you don't talk with people, just being out and about and having the opportunity to meet new people can be helpful. In other words, staying in your room all the time might make you feel more lonely rather than better. Do you get on with any of your housemates? Is there room to try and build a bit of friendship there even it's based around house meetings to begin with? It sounds like a rota for the house is needed, so it would be good to see if this can be sorted. You could take it in turns to do a different area e.g. kitchen, bathroom and living room and maybe you can start by organising a meal together.
You need a balance. There are some things that should be non-negotiable in your day-to-day timetable and that includes stuff like sleep, food and general self-care ( e.g. showering). So you know yourself, you know your body and you know that you need to look after yourself, so don't be afraid to do that! You can't be productive if you work like a machine because you are a human being! Remember that it's about working effectively rather than for long periods of time. You can't work at your best if you are tired all the time and working non-stop! You might need to talk to your housemate about whether they could shower at a different time or you might need a strategy to help you get back to sleep when you wake up e.g. reading a nice book, packing your bag ready for the next day or doing some tidying or cleaning. If you know you going to be awake, you might as well try and use the time well. It then means that if you do get up at 7am or 8am you know you have already got some things done and can save that time elsewhere!
Are there ways that you can make your French revision fit more easily into your schedule: for example: listening to French music, reading French newspapers, watching films in French etc...Maybe it can become more of a relaxing thing than a stressful thing. It might also be a way to get to know new people e.g. you could find a French student that you could practise with or you join the French society.
I am passionate about hand sanitizer but it can become a problem! You can dry out your hands and become too reliant on it. Remember not all germs are bad. Try to keep it for when you are out and about and for when you are planning to eat something with your hands. For your house, you can buy some antibacterial handwash.
I think you are still at your dream uni. I think you're just facing some challenges that need to be addressed for your own emotional, physical and mental well-being.
Take courage and take heart.
All the best,
Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield
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