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Worried about my brother

Growing up I've been close with my brother and we have always tried to help each other out regardless of the situation.

He has graduated after a lot of situations with uni and it's been over a year and he hasn't gotten a job. I on the other hand, have done a lot for my career despite being in university and have worked at some impressive places - so I've offered my brother if he wanted me to look over his CV or covering letters; though he has declined because he doesn't want his younger sibling to do that for him.

I've also tried to talk to him and have tried to encourage him to apply for jobs, but he often procrastinates and spends all day playing games on his PC. His health has declined as he has lost a lot of healthy habits. I've helped him out with a lot of things at home and have even found some jobs that he could apply for and have given lots of advice as to what he could do - but he just doesn't want to bother and says he is unmotivated. I even say we could go on a day trip but even all those get declined.

My parents and the rest of the family have tried to encourage him and have found jobs he could go for, but those jobs aren't good enough apparently and when the topic of jobs comes up in a conversation it always ends in an argument and my brother feeling negative. It's really sad because he was the most ambitious person in our family and he has achieved a lot, but now he doesn't want to move forward with his life. We've all tried and I don't know what more to do because it's been over a year now.

I feel like I've failed as a sibling and that I haven't tried enough for him, any advice would be appreciated.
What degree subject? Which university? What were his A-Level UCAS Points/Grades? 😧
Reply 2
Original post by thegeek888
What degree subject? Which university? What were his A-Level UCAS Points/Grades? 😧

He has a first in Law, his A Levels and GCSEs are pretty good (don't know the specifics and I'd rather not say the uni)
If you've tried and he doesn't want to take your advice or want to help himself, then its very sad but its only him who can decide he wants to change and achieve things.

You said that situations happened at uni, what kind of things? Maybe if you find out exactly what happened then you might be able to try to fix him by sorting out the problems he encountered. More like a finding out the cause and then you come to the solution.
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous #2
If you've tried and he doesn't want to take your advice or want to help himself, then its very sad but its only him who can decide he wants to change and achieve things.

You said that situations happened at uni, what kind of things? Maybe if you find out exactly what happened then you might be able to try to fix him by sorting out the problems he encountered. More like a finding out the cause and then you come to the solution.

In regards to uni, his studying situation was stressful because of some lecturer mistakes - but those things are over with and he's done the graduation ceremony and everything.
Original post by Anonymous #1
In regards to uni, his studying situation was stressful because of some lecturer mistakes - but those things are over with and he's done the graduation ceremony and everything.

Then why is it that he changed after graduation if he was an ambitious person in the past? Something else must have changed his views
Low mood / depression could be at play as well. Maybe look up some advice from relevant charities.

You can’t force someone to be motivated as you’ll just get push back. He needs to address whatever issues are behind it. Ultimately that’s down to him and you shouldn’t feel bad as you’ve done plenty.
Original post by Anonymous #1
Growing up I've been close with my brother and we have always tried to help each other out regardless of the situation.

He has graduated after a lot of situations with uni and it's been over a year and he hasn't gotten a job. I on the other hand, have done a lot for my career despite being in university and have worked at some impressive places - so I've offered my brother if he wanted me to look over his CV or covering letters; though he has declined because he doesn't want his younger sibling to do that for him.

I've also tried to talk to him and have tried to encourage him to apply for jobs, but he often procrastinates and spends all day playing games on his PC. His health has declined as he has lost a lot of healthy habits. I've helped him out with a lot of things at home and have even found some jobs that he could apply for and have given lots of advice as to what he could do - but he just doesn't want to bother and says he is unmotivated. I even say we could go on a day trip but even all those get declined.

My parents and the rest of the family have tried to encourage him and have found jobs he could go for, but those jobs aren't good enough apparently and when the topic of jobs comes up in a conversation it always ends in an argument and my brother feeling negative. It's really sad because he was the most ambitious person in our family and he has achieved a lot, but now he doesn't want to move forward with his life. We've all tried and I don't know what more to do because it's been over a year now.

I feel like I've failed as a sibling and that I haven't tried enough for him, any advice would be appreciated.

There may be a factor that has affected him mentally, something that is pushing him back from pursuing more. Or it could be low moods, leading to depression. Or perhaps he feels like he’s already completed it all.

There’s a lot of different situations that could be taking place, but your best course of action is to address him directly and assess what’s causing him to stay at home. Try encouraging him to do simple tasks each day and praise him for when he does it, but when I say praise, try to be subtle with it so he doesn’t feel confused or upset.
Reply 8
Its abit out there, and I can only speak from experience. But get your brother a blood check for test levels. Its quite common to be extremely fatigued and down and sometimes the only way out of the funk is hitting the gym, specifically the weights to address these issues, but sometimes it is (has known to happen) test levels were extremely low, which resulted in demotivated individuals.

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