Struggling to make friends at uni

Hiii, I'm extremely introverted and pretty scared of strangers I've been on my uni course since September but it's at a university center at a college rather then a normal uni. Everyone there already knows and is friends with one another and during breaks or at lunch they all disappear immediately. There are no clubs or sororities or anything to meet people. I'm honestly completely out of ideas and am really struggling as friends from college and high school are not being very friendly any more so am alone all the time. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Reply 1

DataVenia

Volunteer Team, Clearing and Applications Advisor

21

Original post by Anonymous

Hiii, I'm extremely introverted and pretty scared of strangers I've been on my uni course since September but it's at a university center at a college rather then a normal uni. Everyone there already knows and is friends with one another and during breaks or at lunch they all disappear immediately. There are no clubs or sororities or anything to meet people. I'm honestly completely out of ideas and am really struggling as friends from college and high school are not being very friendly any more so am alone all the time. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Have you any idea why "friends from college and high school are not being very friendly any more"?

From what you've written, most friendship groups therr are based on those already established ("Everyone there already knows and is friends with one another"), so it's odd that your pre-existing friendship group isn't following that pattern.

Are they still all friends which each other? Or has that pre-existing friendship group simply fallen apart, with each member attaching themselves to a new group?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by DataVenia

Have you any idea why "friends from college and high school are not being very friendly any more"?

From what you've written, most friendship groups therr are based on those already established ("Everyone there already knows and is friends with one another"), so it's odd that your pre-existing friendship group isn't following that pattern.

Are they still all friends which each other? Or has that pre-existing friendship group simply fallen apart, with each member attaching themselves to a new group?

Hiii, thank u for getting back to me. My friends from high school and college has just been because we're all at different places and as a result they've gotten closer with others and are busy with them. I skipped a year and then previous college class merged with a different one so people from there are all too busy with new people as well. My current uni course class only has 20 people and they are just sticking tk same groups as when they were in college as the just moved up.

The pre existing friendship groups weren't really groups, high school was 2 people and they wernt every really friends and from college it was just 1 person.

Original post by Anonymous #1

Hiii, thank u for getting back to me. My friends from high school and college has just been because we're all at different places and as a result they've gotten closer with others and are busy with them. I skipped a year and then previous college class merged with a different one so people from there are all too busy with new people as well. My current uni course class only has 20 people and they are just sticking tk same groups as when they were in college as the just moved up.

The pre existing friendship groups weren't really groups, high school was 2 people and they wernt every really friends and from college it was just 1 person.

Hi I'm really sorry you're going through this. It might help to start conversations with people from your classes and be friendly with them without forcing a friendship. If there are no clubs or societies at your college, it might be worth messaging your classmates to meet up after class and grab coffee together. Hope this helps and the most important thing is that it takes time and consistency for friendships to form and if it doesn't work out, focus on the people in your life and maintaining good relationships with them!

Reply 4

University of Bradford

Official Rep

18

Original post by Anonymous #1

Hiii, I'm extremely introverted and pretty scared of strangers I've been on my uni course since September but it's at a university center at a college rather then a normal uni. Everyone there already knows and is friends with one another and during breaks or at lunch they all disappear immediately. There are no clubs or sororities or anything to meet people. I'm honestly completely out of ideas and am really struggling as friends from college and high school are not being very friendly any more so am alone all the time. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Hey! I'm sorry to hear you're struggling, but please know you're not alone in feeling this way and it's brave of you to reach out on here and speak openly about how you're feeling.

I'd say to just take it day by day, small steps lead to big wins. Something small you could try doing if you're comfortable is to ask someone in your class about a lecture topic, or what their working on etc. For me, I find it easier to speak to someone when it's about something I love, such as TV shows, I can go on and on about my love for shows, so if you're able to find a common ground with someone hopefully that'll make conversation that bit easier.

Maybe you could try follow a few coursemates on social media, and reply to one of their stories to initiate conversation. Maybe they've shared a photo of a meal or a nice coffee, you could ask something like 'that looks lovely, where's this?'. Does your uni centre have any social media groups for students to get to know course mates? Complimenting someone can also be a good way to start conversation, whether it's their style, or just their notebook they've brought along with them to a lecture.

Do any of your fellow course mates study together? Or could you try come up with the idea to create a study group? If this evolved into regular meet ups you could then suggest all grabbing a coffee together afterwards. Another idea would be to keep an eye on any events happening at your university centre, is there any upcoming seminars or workshops? Just being around people with similar interests can help, seen as you've said there are no clubs or societies to join.

I'm sorry to hear you're college and high school friends are not being friendly anymore, is there any of them you could consider reaching out to, asking how they are, that you miss them, and ask if they do want to go for a walk or grab a coffee?

Just remember you're in a new environment, it's a big change, and of course you'll be feeling all these different kinds of emotions! It's incredible that you're reaching out and acknowledging you want to change how you're feeling, so you're on the right path for sure. Things take time, so don't give up hope, I'm sure you'll form some great connections with people soon. When you're feeling lonely please keep in touch with your loved ones, and consider speaking to a counsellor or the support services at your uni centre who can help you get through these challenges.

Best of luck! ❤️

Becky

Struggling to make friends at uni

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