The Student Room Group

Struggling with university

Hello,

I’m currently a first year student, and I’m struggling with socialising, I’ve tried to put myself out there as much as I can but I can’t make meaningful friendships. Other individuals I am acquainted with are literally making new friends everyday whilst I struggle, I’m not sure what to do. Any tips for socialising and being more extroverted
Reply 1
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Original post by Anonymous #1
Hello,

I’m currently a first year student, and I’m struggling with socialising, I’ve tried to put myself out there as much as I can but I can’t make meaningful friendships. Other individuals I am acquainted with are literally making new friends everyday whilst I struggle, I’m not sure what to do. Any tips for socialising and being more extroverted

Anon,

Try not to compare yourself with others when it comes to how quickly you make friends. It can be easy to get to know a lot of people quickly and to form friendships, but for those friendships to be pretty superficial. It's about quality rather than quantity!

It takes time to get to know people, so the only way to speed up making friends is to have more opportunities to get to know people better. Perhaps it's inviting them to an event or asking them if they want study in the library together, grab lunch on the weekend, watch a film, go to a sports activity...etc. Maybe it's making the effort to contact them more frequently or to ask them more questions or to share more with them when you're having a bad or good day or are worried or nervous about a project or are looking forward to the weekend because you are off to see family etc...The more they can find out about you and your personality and character and the more that you can do the same, the easier it will be to relate to that person and to share life with them!

Finally, just be yourself. It's true that it's important to be willing to talk to new people and to make the effort to socialise, but people like authenticity. They like people who are relaxed, confident and just themselves, rather than people trying to be something they're not so be your best self!

All the best,

Oluwatosin 3rd year student University of Huddersfield
Reply 3
Original post by University of Huddersfield
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hello,

I’m currently a first year student, and I’m struggling with socialising, I’ve tried to put myself out there as much as I can but I can’t make meaningful friendships. Other individuals I am acquainted with are literally making new friends everyday whilst I struggle, I’m not sure what to do. Any tips for socialising and being more extroverted

Anon,

Try not to compare yourself with others when it comes to how quickly you make friends. It can be easy to get to know a lot of people quickly and to form friendships, but for those friendships to be pretty superficial. It's about quality rather than quantity!

It takes time to get to know people, so the only way to speed up making friends is to have more opportunities to get to know people better. Perhaps it's inviting them to an event or asking them if they want study in the library together, grab lunch on the weekend, watch a film, go to a sports activity...etc. Maybe it's making the effort to contact them more frequently or to ask them more questions or to share more with them when you're having a bad or good day or are worried or nervous about a project or are looking forward to the weekend because you are off to see family etc...The more they can find out about you and your personality and character and the more that you can do the same, the easier it will be to relate to that person and to share life with them!

Finally, just be yourself. It's true that it's important to be willing to talk to new people and to make the effort to socialise, but people like authenticity. They like people who are relaxed, confident and just themselves, rather than people trying to be something they're not so be your best self!

All the best,

Oluwatosin 3rd year student University of Huddersfield


Thankyou for your response, it’s hard not to compare, but your right. Quality over quantity
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hello,

I’m currently a first year student, and I’m struggling with socialising, I’ve tried to put myself out there as much as I can but I can’t make meaningful friendships. Other individuals I am acquainted with are literally making new friends everyday whilst I struggle, I’m not sure what to do. Any tips for socialising and being more extroverted
Hey!
University can sometimes feel lonely, especially during first year when everyone is transitioning to uni life. I know for me in my first year I didn't have alot of friends. I found most of my friends came from societies and my course. I don't think you need to be an extroverted person to be able to meet new people. There are plenty of people just like you, who would be great to make friends with. Below I have gone into some potential ideas in how to meet people.

Societies
Joining societies can be a really fun part of university life as well as a perfect opportunity to meet like-minded people. Most universities run many different types of societies (gaming, academics, sports etc) so there should be something to interest you. Not all societies are as extroverted and social as others. Maybe you could try a few different societies and see which ones have a vibe you feel most comfortable with.

Clubs, bars, and Pubs
Going to clubs, bars and pubs can be fun and a way to meet new people. However, I understand going on your own can be daunting. Most pubs run weekly pub quizzes, perhaps you could ask some coursemates or any new people you meet if they would want to try one with you.

Course
Tutorials/Seminars offer useful opportunities to talk to and meet coursemates. You could ask coursemates you meet if they wanted to study with you in the library. Often people are also feeling the same and will jump on the opportunity of finding new friends.

I’m sure you will find friends. It can just take time. Remember life isn’t a race and although it can feel lonely sometimes there are always great people waiting to get to know you.
If you have any questions, just reply to this post and I will be happy to respond!

Best wishes
Dan
Student Ambassador
University of Southampton
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hello,

I’m currently a first year student, and I’m struggling with socialising, I’ve tried to put myself out there as much as I can but I can’t make meaningful friendships. Other individuals I am acquainted with are literally making new friends everyday whilst I struggle, I’m not sure what to do. Any tips for socialising and being more extroverted
Hey,

I can truly relate to this. During my first year at university, I immensely struggled with making friends. I joint societies but that did not seem to help. I am simply introverted by nature and was struggling with adapting to university.

I ended up finding someone online who did the same course as me and we both ended up exchanging numbers. This helped me more than I can express as it aided with the anxiety I felt of not knowing anybody on my first day. After that, I made my second friend because we had to do teamwork. I turned around and walked straight over after a few minuities of anxiety-filled deliberation, and it was the best decision of my life. I introduced the two of them and that pretty much sums up how I made my friends at university.

However, what worked the best for me was my job. I applied for my university Student Ambassador scheme and although the first few months were lonely - I quickly realised who I was regularly working with. This was helpful as we would approach each other knowing that we would have to be seeing each other a lot.

I'm now a Senior Student Ambassador and it really was the best decision of my University life. I made friends with people from all walks of life. My move to Senior Ambassador left me in a position where I had to lead teams and be more extroverted.

I now give Welcome Talks at events and I would never of been able to put myself out there if not for forcing myself to become Student Ambassador as it helped me leave my shell.

Another way that helped me was applying to become a committee member for Societies. This forced me into a position of interaction and helped me become more extroverted.

I hope this helped!! Sorry if I blabbed about my own experiences for too long - we all have different experiences but as someone who was so introverted, I thought I'd share mine.

Warmly,
Iris - third-year Politics student at City, University of London
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hello,

I’m currently a first year student, and I’m struggling with socialising, I’ve tried to put myself out there as much as I can but I can’t make meaningful friendships. Other individuals I am acquainted with are literally making new friends everyday whilst I struggle, I’m not sure what to do. Any tips for socialising and being more extroverted
Hey, how are you? I hope you're doing okay. I know you've already received lots of great advice below, but just thought I'd also share my experience and some advice if that's okay.

I know it's easier said than done, but try not put too much pressure on yourself. First year can be daunting, and getting used to socialising and trying to make new friends is so tough for a lot of people! I was in the same boat, I've always been shy and anxious and found making friends extremely difficult. The only plus side that I was on same course as my best friend, but I think that actually made my socialising worse as I felt I didn't really need to try step out my comfort zone and try make new friends.

Not everyone makes these friends for life though. And not everyone makes friends straight away, it can just happen naturally over time. I know I didn't start feeling more confident in speaking to people until my final year, everyone's university experience is different and that's absolutely okay!

The individuals you're acquainted with who are making friends, would you feel comfortable enough to ask to hang out with them and then you can meet their other friends? Perhaps you could suggest forming a study group, then going for coffee or a walk after? You could also add course mates on social media and start small by replying to one of their stories and seeing if that starts a conversation.

I'm not good with small talk, but I do find it easier when it's about something I love such as TV shows and books and then I can talk non stop, so maybe you can try find a common ground with someone. Joining a club or society if you haven't already can help with this as you'll literally be surrounded by people who share at least one common interest with you 🙂 Or you could look into volunteering opportunities at your uni or get involved in becoming a student ambassador.

Keep taking it day by day, you've got this! I'm sure you'll make some great friendships soon. Good luck with the rest of your university journey.

Becky
Reply 7
Original post by City UoL Rep 2
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hello,

I’m currently a first year student, and I’m struggling with socialising, I’ve tried to put myself out there as much as I can but I can’t make meaningful friendships. Other individuals I am acquainted with are literally making new friends everyday whilst I struggle, I’m not sure what to do. Any tips for socialising and being more extroverted
Hey,

I can truly relate to this. During my first year at university, I immensely struggled with making friends. I joint societies but that did not seem to help. I am simply introverted by nature and was struggling with adapting to university.

I ended up finding someone online who did the same course as me and we both ended up exchanging numbers. This helped me more than I can express as it aided with the anxiety I felt of not knowing anybody on my first day. After that, I made my second friend because we had to do teamwork. I turned around and walked straight over after a few minuities of anxiety-filled deliberation, and it was the best decision of my life. I introduced the two of them and that pretty much sums up how I made my friends at university.

However, what worked the best for me was my job. I applied for my university Student Ambassador scheme and although the first few months were lonely - I quickly realised who I was regularly working with. This was helpful as we would approach each other knowing that we would have to be seeing each other a lot.

I'm now a Senior Student Ambassador and it really was the best decision of my University life. I made friends with people from all walks of life. My move to Senior Ambassador left me in a position where I had to lead teams and be more extroverted.

I now give Welcome Talks at events and I would never of been able to put myself out there if not for forcing myself to become Student Ambassador as it helped me leave my shell.

Another way that helped me was applying to become a committee member for Societies. This forced me into a position of interaction and helped me become more extroverted.

I hope this helped!! Sorry if I blabbed about my own experiences for too long - we all have different experiences but as someone who was so introverted, I thought I'd share mine.

Warmly,
Iris - third-year Politics student at City, University of London


Tthankyou for your response! I am glad uni worked out for you!

I hope things start to improve for me too
Reply 8
Original post by University of Bradford
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hello,

I’m currently a first year student, and I’m struggling with socialising, I’ve tried to put myself out there as much as I can but I can’t make meaningful friendships. Other individuals I am acquainted with are literally making new friends everyday whilst I struggle, I’m not sure what to do. Any tips for socialising and being more extroverted
Hey, how are you? I hope you're doing okay. I know you've already received lots of great advice below, but just thought I'd also share my experience and some advice if that's okay.

I know it's easier said than done, but try not put too much pressure on yourself. First year can be daunting, and getting used to socialising and trying to make new friends is so tough for a lot of people! I was in the same boat, I've always been shy and anxious and found making friends extremely difficult. The only plus side that I was on same course as my best friend, but I think that actually made my socialising worse as I felt I didn't really need to try step out my comfort zone and try make new friends.

Not everyone makes these friends for life though. And not everyone makes friends straight away, it can just happen naturally over time. I know I didn't start feeling more confident in speaking to people until my final year, everyone's university experience is different and that's absolutely okay!

The individuals you're acquainted with who are making friends, would you feel comfortable enough to ask to hang out with them and then you can meet their other friends? Perhaps you could suggest forming a study group, then going for coffee or a walk after? You could also add course mates on social media and start small by replying to one of their stories and seeing if that starts a conversation.

I'm not good with small talk, but I do find it easier when it's about something I love such as TV shows and books and then I can talk non stop, so maybe you can try find a common ground with someone. Joining a club or society if you haven't already can help with this as you'll literally be surrounded by people who share at least one common interest with you 🙂 Or you could look into volunteering opportunities at your uni or get involved in becoming a student ambassador.

Keep taking it day by day, you've got this! I'm sure you'll make some great friendships soon. Good luck with the rest of your university journey.

Becky


Hi Becky,

Thanks for responding, I’ts comforting to know that I’m not the first to be going through this and thanks for the suggestions I will try to keep open minded!
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hello,

I’m currently a first year student, and I’m struggling with socialising, I’ve tried to put myself out there as much as I can but I can’t make meaningful friendships. Other individuals I am acquainted with are literally making new friends everyday whilst I struggle, I’m not sure what to do. Any tips for socialising and being more extroverted
Hi!
While it may seem like everyone else is making great friends all the time, they are also only making surface level friendships. It takes time to make meaningful friendships so don't be too hard on yourself. My advice would be to get involved with activities that reflect your interests and the kind of friends you are looking for. For example, if you are someone who loves to go on nights out, join a society that has many nights out planned. Or if you like to stay in join a society that hots sober socials (generally course centred societies hold many of these).
I hope this helps! Faye :smile:
Original post by FayeYSJ
Hi!
While it may seem like everyone else is making great friends all the time, they are also only making surface level friendships. It takes time to make meaningful friendships so don't be too hard on yourself. My advice would be to get involved with activities that reflect your interests and the kind of friends you are looking for. For example, if you are someone who loves to go on nights out, join a society that has many nights out planned. Or if you like to stay in join a society that hots sober socials (generally course centred societies hold many of these).
I hope this helps! Faye :smile:


Thanks for your advice :frown:

It seems that it’s just not improved for me since I made this post, idk why
Original post by Anonymous #1
Thanks for your advice :frown:
It seems that it’s just not improved for me since I made this post, idk why
Hiya, I really hope uni does improve for you soon. Just out of curiosity, do you commute or live in accommodations? This could effect your socialising as if you commute you can go up to somebody and ask strike a conversation that you see go the same way as you often, slowly and surely you guys can talk more and eventually they will invite you to go home with them or it will become natural to go home together (how I made my 2nd friend at uni, I live in accommodation but it's split into village accom and city accom and all the village people get a bus so that was a great socialising opportunity as I have no flatmates) If you live in an accom where you can't do that then try and make friends with somebody that lives in your flat or block (go to events hosted in ur accom, laundry rooms, any big pres or flat parties hosted in ur accom). When you meet these people they don't necessarily need to be the bestest of friends, you just have to be compatible and they need to be able to open up and allow you to meet their other friends. When it comes to talking to people, just let it come naturally and let vthem talk a lot about themselves by asking more questions about themselves, if you feel as though the conversation is one sided add in your own small anecdotes or ur own opinions, people will feel more comfortable if you let them talk but it shouldnt sound like an interrogation. You can ask the basic things like what course do you do? How are you finding it? Where are you from? What's it like living there/what are they known for? Then talk about your own experiences as they talk about their own. If there are any events ask them if they're going to them and how you were thinking of going. Just overall be more bubbly and smiley, people can sense when somebody is being awkward and they might misread it as disinterest. (I;m saying this as a girl thouugh so it might be different when it comes to being a boy or another gender you identify with). Try and make eye contact as well, Ik people always say it but it shows ur confident and people naturally gravitate towards those kinds of people. This might be some weird advice but when I was quite depressed and I was losing my sociable aspects I would watch vlogs on youtube of lots of different kinds of people, this helped me to not base my personality off of them but reform how I acted as I realised I was just becoming overall more negative, less fun and just becoming uncomfortable to be around. When you get to the "just became surface level friends" stage you can send them tiktoks or reels to strike up convo as well (I always do this as a sort of initation, it always works as you can just yap or show that you think abt that person without being too much). This is a lot of info to digest so sorry abt that but hopefully you feel better and ur social life picks up soon :smile:)))) wishing you all the best!!!
Original post by Anonymous #1
Hello,
I’m currently a first year student, and I’m struggling with socialising, I’ve tried to put myself out there as much as I can but I can’t make meaningful friendships. Other individuals I am acquainted with are literally making new friends everyday whilst I struggle, I’m not sure what to do. Any tips for socialising and being more extroverted


Hi there,

It can be tricky to make friends at uni and this is something that I struggled with too in first year so you are definitely not alone!

These are some of my tips for making new friends:

1- Join a society. Everyone says it but it really is a great way of making friends at uni. Have a look and see if your uni has any that interest you and then think about joining one! They are good as you already have a common interest with the people there and the socials are good too.

2- Ask friends on your course if they want to do things after uni. Ask if anyone wants to go for a coffee, or go to the library together and work on some assignments. This can be a great way of making friends and this is how I made friends with the people on my course.

3- Attend your lectures and seminars if you don't already. This is a great way of meeting people and try and sit with new people and get chatting to them. Most people are friendly and will be chatty to you so it is worth a try!

4- See if your accommodation is putting on any social events! This can be a great way of meeting people in your building that you may not have otherwise met!

5- See if your student union is putting any events on. At Hallam, the student union often puts on 'give it a go' events where you can go and try new things and meet new people! It's a great way of making friends so definitely check this out.

I hope some of this helps,

Lucy -SHU student ambassador.

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