So this is going to sound strange but I can’t really talk to anyone I actually know in real life about it, so I feel like here on anon is the best place I can get advice.
One of my A level maths teachers (I’m in year 13) has taught me for the last two years. He was also my form tutor up until easter break (I don’t have him as a form tutor anymore, since my school cancels form time for year 13 after easter break). He’s extremely nice, and really funny (in the sense that he’s always sarcastic). I get along with him really well but there’s been times where I feel as if he’s kind of strange. I’ll explain.
I first noticed it when at one point last year I had a boyfriend, and he would always ask about how me and my boyfriend were (my boyfriend was also two years older than me, and the teacher would always kind of make fun of me saying I like older men) and always try and attack my boyfriend and say I deserve someone better. (At the time I thought the teacher was just being protective and caring, which maybe he genuinely was, but I don’t know).
But this year (year 13), he’s been talking to me a lot more. It’s a class full of boys (I’m the only girl) and all the boys get along really well with each other. I do get along with some of the boys who sit near me but not that well. I had a girl friend in the class in year 12, but she only completed AS maths. Me and the teacher did get kind of close at the start of this year since we spoke so much, a lot of that because he would come over and sit and talk to me (probably since I had nobody else to talk to). I assumed it was normal, since he’d always mention his kid and his wife (who is also a teacher at the school).
But in more recent months (since about December onwards) he would make little comments which I would find strange. For example, before we broke up for the christmas holidays, I was talking to him and at one point I said “I’m just so glad we’re breaking up for two weeks, I deserve a rest” and he goes “we aren’t breaking up, you can still come around to mine!!” and at the time, I just laughed it off because it was one of the first times so I didn’t think much of it.
But then after we came back after the break, there was more. He would always ask me when I’m working (I work part-time) in retail, and there’s been times (at least ten times) where he’s come visit me at work. At first, I would willingly tell him when I’m working since I thought it was sweet, but then I stopped, but he would come anyway since I’m guessing he’d figured out my contracted days at work. Even my colleagues and managers recognise him and talk to him, even when I’m not working.
There was one day where I had a university interview (virtual) which I was preparing to do in school, and him and a couple of my other teachers were there about ten minutes before the interview start time (it was UCL, so it was a big deal for a little sixth form like ours) to help me prepare. And then my maths teacher says “okay well, we’ll leave you to it, good luck” as in basically indicating to the other teachers that they should all leave with him, so everyone else started saying bye and good luck. But then he was the last one out the door and managed to continue a conversation with just him and me, after they’d all left. Then he closed the door and sat down next to me and was just asking if I was okay (I was a little panicked obviously since it was one of my dream unis). And don’t get me wrong, he was really sweet and was making me feel better. But then at one point he put his hand on my hand since I was shaking, but I didn’t think much of it since he moved his hand away a couple seconds later. And then a while later, he put his hand on my leg. I didn’t really know what to do, so I kind of froze and was hoping he would move it away like he did before when it was on my hand. But he didn’t, so about five seconds later I just stood up and made up an excuse to go get my phone charger which I left somewhere else blah blah.
Recently, before we broke up for the easter break, he was telling me how his son and his wife are going on holiday, but he isn’t going. And I made fun of him a little (as our whole maths class did) and then later he comes over, asks how I’m getting on with the work, blah blah. I said I was struggling a little with my a levels in general and staying motivated and how I felt socially drained. And then he talks about how it’s the easter holiday now and how ideally I can’t afford to waste any revision time, which at first I was shocked that he was being somewhat strict about it (which is unusual for him), but then realised he was being reasonable. So I agreed with him, and then he says “If you want, we can meet up in the break and I can help you with maths” so I assumed he meant in school, like a maths revision session. So I laughed and said “pft please, I’m not coming into school in the only two weeks off I get from it” but he went “no no, not in school, you can come around to mine!!” and I was so shocked I said nothing and just stared at him blankly. And then he added “Plus my wife and son won’t be there, so we can do whatever we want” and then I said no thank you and made up an excuse about staying at my cousins house in the holidays.
I wasn’t back at school the first week back after the break since I was in hospital. He emailed me asking if I was okay, and also sent me the relevant maths work which I missed out in in class (which is fair enough) but I didn’t reply as I hadn’t been checking my emails whilst in hospital. He then called me through the school number, and asked if I was okay (which is sweet, but my recent opinions on him made me feel like it was weird). He also asked what ward number it was (I said I didn’t know) and if I wanted him to come visit (which I obviously said no to).
I go back to school on Monday. I find it uncomfortable and somewhat strange. I don’t want to report him, because for one I don’t think he’s technically done anything against the rules, so I would end up looking unreasonable. And for two, he is a nice person, and a really good teacher. Our school isn’t an amazing school, so losing a teacher like him would take a bad hit. I don’t know what to do. Do I tell him that what he says makes me uncomfortable? Or do I just suck it up for the next three months until I finish?
Thank you.