Friendships In College

Last year I decided to start college fresh and left all my high school friends to find new ones.

It took me a whole year to find a decent friend who I got quite close to and spend some of the summer with. Otherwise, I'd spend lunch times alone and break times because I had no one.

Over the past few months, I've befriended and got quite close to two other people who I spend a lot of my time with because our timetable and subjects are so similar so we're always around eachother. I'm the reason we all sit together but quite often we had long silenced, maybe I'm over exaggerating because of the pressure I put on myself. Sometimes the two of them talk to eachother, it's been 5 months so it's not anything new, and it makes me feel better because I just get so drained trying to form a conversation.

It confuses me because I do really want to become good friends with them but also I just want to sit in silence and not have to worry about having to say anything. It bothers me a lot because I feel the need to have something prepared since I'm scared they'll find me boring.

Same thing happened yesterday at lunch; the two of them and also a good high school friend that I'm still in contact with sat together and it was just silent for a while - I tried to make conversation by talking about things that were coming up on my FYP but it made me annoyed because I didn't want to do it at all I just wanted to fill the silence. Towards the end my two friends started talking to eachother but by then I was just so drained already.

I think it's because I prefer being alone after spending so much time that way last year. Despite worrying about being boring I do alwyas remind me self that if they did find me boring they wouldn't be around me.

Can you give me any advice on what I should do to improve with these issues or share any similar experiences?

Is it okay to sit in silence? How can I try improve my friendships? Or should I go with how I'm feeling and try be more alone