I'm not lending my mum money anymore

I'm refusing to lend my mum money anymore

Does this mean I'm a jerk?

Bit of background; I did live with my mum up until April of last year. I didn't feel like I was getting treated like an adult anymore and wanted my own space. Pretty normal, right ?
I live in a shared house with others so trying to do things on the cheap.

Thing is, she's constantly asking me to lend her money. But every time she does, there's always an element of guilt tripping involved or unneeded pressure. For example "I haven't got an oven anymore. I'm getting desperate now" or "it needs to be done in 3 hours otherwise I'm going to get hit with bank charges". A few months ago she asked me to lend her money to get antihistamines for the dog, and I said I'm not comfortable with that as I'm not sure if that's safe. Her response ? "Fine let the dog suffer then!"

Before Christmas, I said it's unfair to keep putting this financial pressure on me. And rat she needs to take a serious look at her finances and find ways to cut back. Her reply was "my Bulgarian next door neighbours said that it has to be taught in the West but it's expected that their children help their parents in Bulgaria". What the hell? I still lent her money though perhaps I shouldn't have.

I have given her money over the last year or so (given with no expectation of it being returned) in order for her to buy a new bed and an oven. I went over to hers at Christmas and noticed new furniture, paintings and other ornaments.

Yesterday she asked me again to lend her money. Thing is she rang me multiple times when I was in work. I said no. Especially as she had trampled on a boundary of mine.
Part of me feels guilty but I'm also fed up of the guilt trips

I'd try and talk to her about it but she's surrounded herself with "friends" with the same beliefs, political views etc, who just provide and echo chamber to her and don't challenge her views on anything. So I doubt she would listen to me.

So I'm not only am I refusing to lend her money untill I see that she's trying to improve her situation, I'm not even speaking to her now.

Reply 1

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

Completely reasonable of you and you've probably been more patient than most.

Reply 2

londonmyst

You have made the right decision. :smile:

Stay no contact and never allow your mother to use your money as her own personal piggy bank ever again..
Don't allow anything that she or her pals do ever change your position.

Put your own health and finances first.
Focus on building a happy future life for yourself.
Allowing no opportunity for your mother or any of her allies to behave in the same unpleasant way towards you as they did in the past.
Good luck!