Emotional abusive mother keeps asking me for money
My mum is a wreckless spender yet im pretty much the only family she has now. She's been emotionally abusive to me which makes it harder to want to support her What support can she get ? Do I have obligation to support her?
I dont live with her anymore. Shes always been a wreckless spender though and this is why I find it so frustrating. I moved out in autumn 2020 which perhaps wasn't the smartest idea right in the midst of covid but I needed to get away from her. She started consuming so much conspiracy theory content (e.g. Flat earth, anti vax) and quite frankly just became vile to live with.
Unfortunately, my mental health took a dip and I had to move back home in June 2021. I got my vaccine and she quite frankly became violent and verbally abusive, and threatened to kick me out. That's until my auntie and brother intervened. And somehow talked some sense into her.
She's always held that against me, saying things like "you're not the same pleasant person since you had that jab. You've become psychotic". She also said "I shouldn't have to listen to you , at my age and my time of life" I couldn't tolerate it anymore and moved out 3 months ago. When I told her I'm moving out, the first thing she said was "oh but want about money". So thats it, I was just a financial contribution. She doesn't want to listen to me but wants my money?
Twice now she's asked me for money now since I moved out. "could you possibly lend me some money. I'm really struggling and have no oven, I'm getting desperate ". Which just felt like a massive guilt trip. My grandad paid for a lot things for her , until he passed away. I've never seen her make any changes or try to improve her situation. She just spends recklessly.
She continues to send me stupid conspiracy theory content like articles about flat earth society, or the most recent one, about the danger of eating overnight rice. I've already blocked her on social media due to the content she posts. I'm nearly at the end of my tether now and can't tolerate her behaviour anymore. My brother wont speak to her now either for similar reasons.
She doesn't work because of COPD but I'm not entirely sure what benefits she gets. I doubt she'd be transparent about her finances too.
What support can she get ?
Do I have obligation to support her?
What can I do?
The more I write this, the more I realise I need to go back to therapy.
I dont live with her anymore. Shes always been a wreckless spender though and this is why I find it so frustrating. I moved out in autumn 2020 which perhaps wasn't the smartest idea right in the midst of covid but I needed to get away from her. She started consuming so much conspiracy theory content (e.g. Flat earth, anti vax) and quite frankly just became vile to live with.
Unfortunately, my mental health took a dip and I had to move back home in June 2021. I got my vaccine and she quite frankly became violent and verbally abusive, and threatened to kick me out. That's until my auntie and brother intervened. And somehow talked some sense into her.
She's always held that against me, saying things like "you're not the same pleasant person since you had that jab. You've become psychotic". She also said "I shouldn't have to listen to you , at my age and my time of life" I couldn't tolerate it anymore and moved out 3 months ago. When I told her I'm moving out, the first thing she said was "oh but want about money". So thats it, I was just a financial contribution. She doesn't want to listen to me but wants my money?
Twice now she's asked me for money now since I moved out. "could you possibly lend me some money. I'm really struggling and have no oven, I'm getting desperate ". Which just felt like a massive guilt trip. My grandad paid for a lot things for her , until he passed away. I've never seen her make any changes or try to improve her situation. She just spends recklessly.
She continues to send me stupid conspiracy theory content like articles about flat earth society, or the most recent one, about the danger of eating overnight rice. I've already blocked her on social media due to the content she posts. I'm nearly at the end of my tether now and can't tolerate her behaviour anymore. My brother wont speak to her now either for similar reasons.
She doesn't work because of COPD but I'm not entirely sure what benefits she gets. I doubt she'd be transparent about her finances too.
What support can she get ?
Do I have obligation to support her?
What can I do?
The more I write this, the more I realise I need to go back to therapy.
Original post by Anonymous
What support can she get ?
It's difficult to know what support she can get. I assume you're talking about financial support (Universal Credit, etc.)? If you don't know what benefits she's on, and if she's unlikely to be transparent about her finances, then this is a dead-end anyway.
Original post by Anonymous
Do I have obligation to support her?
You have no obligation to support her, financially or otherwise. Our parents don't get a free-pass to be obnoxious with zero consequences.
Original post by Anonymous
What can I do?
Not a lot, by the sound of it. You could suggest she join something like COPD360social, so she can interact with others with COPD and perhaps gets some hints about how to cope better.
You should also change your number, so she can't call and ask for money. However, I suspect guilt would prevent you doing that. (Personally, I'd have blocked her number already if I'd been in your shoes.)
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