My uncle is a criminal and I don’t know how to accept it

Hi guys. I just wanted somewhere to vent I guess and maybe if anyone could offer some advice, I’d appreciate it a lot. I am currently 18 years old. Around 10 years ago, my parents received a call in the middle of the night and then we travelled around 3 hours to some random woman’s house and slept there overnight. Bearing in mind, I had no idea what was going on as none of my parents had told me anything. We stayed for 2 weeks and then came back every weekend for around a year or so, and then I began to piece together what was going on and found out that it was uncle who was arrested and my parents were going to his court trials. A few years later, my parents registered to formally adopt my cousin (the uncle‘s child). My parents needed character witnesses and so chose one of my close friend’s parents. It was then when I found out what was going on through that friend. My uncle was on trial for murdering my auntie (his ex wife). My entire family, including my grandparents, did not believe this was true the entire time and so I also did not believe it. However, around 4 years ago, my boyfriend decided to search it up for me (I did not have the courage to do this) and found out my uncle was found guilty and there was so much evidence including a video. I decided to read the articles and all the details were so so brutal and to this day I can’t get it out of my head. I had an amazing relationship with my uncle and we were so close. He was the most gentle and kind hearted person and I cannot, to this day, come to terms with what happened. I have nightmares about what happened still and I don’t know what to do. I can’t afford therapy right now as I am a full time student at university, so that unfortunately is not an option. Thanks for reading.

Hi guys. I just wanted somewhere to vent I guess and maybe if anyone could offer some advice, I’d appreciate it a lot. I am currently 18 years old. Around 10 years ago, my parents received a call in the middle of the night and then we travelled around 3 hours to some random woman’s house and slept there overnight. Bearing in mind, I had no idea what was going on as none of my parents had told me anything. We stayed for 2 weeks and then came back every weekend for around a year or so, and then I began to piece together what was going on and found out that it was uncle who was arrested and my parents were going to his court trials. A few years later, my parents registered to formally adopt my cousin (the uncle‘s child). My parents needed character witnesses and so chose one of my close friend’s parents. It was then when I found out what was going on through that friend. My uncle was on trial for murdering my auntie (his ex wife). My entire family, including my grandparents, did not believe this was true the entire time and so I also did not believe it. However, around 4 years ago, my boyfriend decided to search it up for me (I did not have the courage to do this) and found out my uncle was found guilty and there was so much evidence including a video. I decided to read the articles and all the details were so so brutal and to this day I can’t get it out of my head. I had an amazing relationship with my uncle and we were so close. He was the most gentle and kind hearted person and I cannot, to this day, come to terms with what happened. I have nightmares about what happened still and I don’t know what to do. I can’t afford therapy right now as I am a full time student at university, so that unfortunately is not an option. Thanks for reading.

U good

there might be some free therapy schemes or maybe a pastoral system at your university? honestly that sounds like a really difficult situation to be in and i totally understand where ur coming from. talking about it might make it easier to come to terms with. hope you're doing well and it will get easier as time goes on trust. x

I’ve tried to look for these but none of them are extensive in the sense that they deal with students who have family members as murderers unfortunately. Thank you so much, I really appreciate your message <3 🙂

Have you spoken to your GP? They might be able to refer you for psychotherapy of some sort - granted, it is likely going to be a very long waiting list but you might as well be on it if there are no other options.

I’ve tried to look for these but none of them are extensive in the sense that they deal with students who have family members as murderers unfortunately. Thank you so much, I really appreciate your message <3 🙂

You should investigate their services again. You don't need help with jus the specific situation of your Uncle's crime, your situation is similar to someone who finds their father is a child molester, or their mother is a drug addict, etc. The issue is how to not be defined by your family, how to separate society's concepts of a 'perfect' family from your experience etc. The counselling service can absolutely help with this.