The Student Room Group

How to deal with myself for how I am?

I’m suffering a lot because I’m 21 and I never had friends and spend most time alone in my room . I have accepted this but the issue is that whenever someone comes along and gives me a chance to get to know me , I feel as if I’m a full water bottle who finally had its cap taken off and all my emotions just flow out making me quite impulse, talking excessively , saying things I regret etc and it also does not help that I have a very strong distinctive accent . Then that person ends up leaving me too and I’m alone again . I have so much regret and hatred to myself because I keep working to change myself and become more controlled in conversation but for some reason I keep failing and failing and I feel so lost and like there’s no hope . Sometimes I wonder whether it is because of this or whether it’s just because I keep meeting the wrong people not for me ?
Original post by Anonymous #1
I’m suffering a lot because I’m 21 and I never had friends and spend most time alone in my room . I have accepted this but the issue is that whenever someone comes along and gives me a chance to get to know me , I feel as if I’m a full water bottle who finally had its cap taken off and all my emotions just flow out making me quite impulse, talking excessively , saying things I regret etc and it also does not help that I have a very strong distinctive accent . Then that person ends up leaving me too and I’m alone again . I have so much regret and hatred to myself because I keep working to change myself and become more controlled in conversation but for some reason I keep failing and failing and I feel so lost and like there’s no hope . Sometimes I wonder whether it is because of this or whether it’s just because I keep meeting the wrong people not for me ?
I feel you I really never had friends every time i would say hi to someone they would just walk away
Reply 2
Why, at 21, are you staying in your room? Do you have a condition that keeps you home; why aren't you studying or working?

You don't have to answer in detail; I'm just trying to get more context.
Reply 3
Original post by Surnia
Why, at 21, are you staying in your room? Do you have a condition that keeps you home; why aren't you studying or working?
You don't have to answer in detail; I'm just trying to get more context.
I’m at university . I commute but because of lack of friends , things to do I’m in my room most of the time
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous #1
I’m at university . I commute but because of lack of friends , things to do I’m in my room most of the time
So what have you done to meet people in a controlled environment where there's subjects to focus on for conversation; sports, societies, church, volunteering, part-time job?
(edited 2 months ago)
Reply 5
Original post by Surnia
So what have you done to meet people in a controlled environment where there's subjects to focus on for conversation; sports, societies, church, volunteering, part-time job?
I took part in a variety of those things you mention, went into conversation with people in a positive and confident manner because I’m not shy or anything and they just didn’t seem to like me or want anything to do with me afterwards
I think you may have not found your people yet. Try to do things by yourself outside of your room such as gym, walks, library or volunteering. The right people will always come to you and try journalling your emotions to prevent you from saying too much. I am 21 too and i have had times where i have felt like you are feeling but being surrounded by the right people will always be the best answer and sometimes the right person is yourself
Which university are you at?

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