Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

Is there anybody out there... (emotional problems)

I am so angry and impatient all the time. I have no interest in other people. I constantly assess my negative situation. I run over scenarios, I predict the annoying things people will do, and then they do them. I open my window and say thank goodness there is no drilling, but add (to myself) the reminder that I shouldn’t think that because it will probably start again any minute. I go downstairs to get some water and return. The drilling has started again. I sware, and slam the window shut.

Very few people care and no one understands, and it doesn’t matter if they did. There is nothing anyone can do. I am doomed to suffer alone in isolation on the fringes of society. I feel so far from everyone. Like they are on earth and I am a lonely asteroid someone out in the solar system, wondering how to get back. No one touches me in any way. I feel nothing but negative feelings, unless I smoke weed. It is the only thing that provides relief. There is no point to anything apart from smoking weed to feel good again and making art and music. I find no pleasure in anything else. Nothing on iplayer interests me, I don’t want to meet up with anyone. I’ve not organized or wanted to go to a single social event for a month. There’s not even any point going out getting drunk anymore seeing as I hate pretty much all popular modern music, and it makes me think my friends are idiots for liking it, which makes me wonder why I hang out with them, which is why I don’t really anymore. If there IS anyone else like me or someone who understands, its not like we can get together and be happy, it makes no difference. Nothing makes any difference. I just want to be left alone with lots of weed, my keyboard, guitar, coloring pencils and a massive A0 size piece of paper to draw a masterpiece on.

So **** OFF and stop asking me ‘how are you’, when you clearly don’t have time to listen, they might as well greet me by saying, ‘Make up a lie! or feel guilty about complaining!’

Also, what the **** is wrong with me?

Reply 1

TheFlyingDutchman

I seriously remember what this feels like. I may of been depressed at the time but if I was then I never went to the doctor about it.

A few years ago just after I'd broken up with a girl I loved and broke my leg a week later. I was so angry at everything and in such a bad place. I was eating massive mcdonalds every few days (2 meals plus loads of nuggets) as well as pigging out in over ways. I gained about 30 pounds in the 10 weeks I was of training.

I was so angry at the world it was ridiculous. I was always shouting at everyone even my family. I hated going out anywhere. Every time I was forced to go to some family event and someone would say "how are you ?" I'd just want to shout at them. Bad times.

Can't really tell you how to make it better tbh. For me when my leg wasn't broken anymore my mum stopped letting me eat crap and basically made me go on a diet. After a few weeks of the diet I took my own initiative and started training again. My friend introduced me to a girl who's also recently split up with her bf. Rebound sex made things better. Eventually I bounced back.

Was in a really dark place for like 6 months though. I used to watch episodes of House and agree with everything he said about humanity. Also for a few months I was planning to live like that when I'm older (alone in a flat never getting married or having kids and pushing everyone away from me). Scary for me just to think about it.

Reply 2

jonski

I always go for a run whenever I get ****** off, by the time i get back and have a shower it normally puts you in a better mood.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by jonski

I always go for a run whenever I get ****** off, by the time i get back and have a shower it normally puts you in a better mood.

I cycled 10 miles yesterday, didn't help. Cheers though, I know excerciese is usually an important remedy for depression... this is like extreme apathy though...

Reply 4

jonski

Original post by Anonymous

I cycled 10 miles yesterday, didn't help. Cheers though, I know excerciese is usually an important remedy for depression... this is like extreme apathy though...

Ah not sure I can help then, my only other suggestion was smoke weed but you seem to have that covered.

I guess you could maybe try watching Jeremy Kyle or Loose Women, it wont make you feel better but at least your apathy will be justified

Reply 5

becky_elliott84

It sounds like you're suffering from too much stress. I feel like that sometimes and just want some time and space to myself. I've felt the emotions you're feeling right now. Why don't you take up a hobby that combats stress? I found doing karate helped me. When I want to relax and get away from the crowds I go somewhere peaceful and paint. Another idea is to take a long hot bath. I know it sounds like a naff idea but trust me, it does work. When I was at uni and I got really stressed out, I just took a nice bath every evening with candles, classical music and a glass of wine.

Reply 6

Picnic1

I entirely understand this. The way that it seems to work is that the more we concentrate on having an 'artist's way of mind and the less we concentrate on the seeming mundanities that many people like to concentrate on, the more that we become regarded as someone who is secure in their own galaxy and who can 'look after themselves'. But the ability to gave full control artistically unfortunately doesn't mean that we have any similar amount of control in the outside world. We need supportive friends and/or family - and we need to remember to support them regardless of whether they fully live up to some aspects of understanding and behaviour that we might ideally want them to.

Unless you have the tenacity to perhaps become a teacher, which might not necessarily seem attractive if you want to be left alone, it can be a tough life for the artistically minded.

To me, this seems a worse world now for the artistically , but not necessarily money, inclined.
Your are right about modern popular music - even as short as 5 years ago there was great music frequently being made but it all seems to have gone a bit off now like it did in the mid 70s. Radio DJs often seem to be employed for their 'down to earth likeability' rather than any special understanding of music.

What are your circumstances - are you studying, do you work, friends/ family/ relationship, living arrangements?

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 7

holdencaulfield92

feel im in the same boat as you. smoke copious amounts of weed, a joint an evening, however you get high not because its so fun but just because you just wana escape it all, in addition my tolerance has built up so its not overwhelming anymore,u just do it because u can and theres nuthing else to do and it helps to an extent. I too just wna stay in my room n listen to music and play my guitar. However, the next day your all burned out from smoking which affects my mood severely, im in a proper sombre state I feel almost bipolar. Plus i actually think im in love with one of my flatmates and even tho we're good friends i know nothing will happen. Im becoming more of an introvert ive been considering for months whether to go see a doctor to get me prescribed some stuff i still havent plucked up the courage to do so yet. Just wna say i understand what ur feeling and that hopefully it will just be a phase...