Flirting outside of relationship
I'm finding it difficult because I am naturally flirty (but loyal to my bf) and I know my bf isn't flirty when he's in a relationship with me. For me, it's normal, it's just how I am. I've been getting to know someone and it seems like he's flirting with me, and I find him attractive, but at the same time I know I won't do anything because I'm loyal to my bf and we have a good relationship. Yet it still bothers me - we seem naturally attracted but I don't want to act on it. Surely it's normal? I mean you don't just stop finding people attractive because you're in a relationship. For a long time I wasn't in a serious relationship and in some ways I find I don't feel used to it.
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My girl wouldn't flirt around with boys behind my back. She ain't no hussy.
You 'claim' your loyal, but loyalty is when you dont do ANYTHING which could affect your relationship negatively or dont do anything to upset your partner. However you seem to think your loyal but your flirting with other guys, this makes you NOT LOYAL, LEARN THE DEFINITION OF LOYAL lol
and if your bf doesnt flirt with other girls while he is in a relationship with you shows that you have a nice guy, unfortunetly he doesnt have a nice gf (you) because you flirt with other guys. IM surprised you dont feel guilty, girls like you disgust me
and if your bf doesnt flirt with other girls while he is in a relationship with you shows that you have a nice guy, unfortunetly he doesnt have a nice gf (you) because you flirt with other guys. IM surprised you dont feel guilty, girls like you disgust me
Some helpful replies would be good...
As long as your boyfriend himself feels like he can trust your loyalty fully and isn't bothered too much by your flirty nature. Otherwise, I wouldn't play around with his emotions if I were you.
Yes it can be normal to find others attractive but not in that special way - they come short of making our heart skip a beat like our partners can.
Yes it can be normal to find others attractive but not in that special way - they come short of making our heart skip a beat like our partners can.
Just don't flirt.
Obvious **** is obvious.
What a stupid thread.
Obvious **** is obvious.
What a stupid thread.
Original post by jordz
I'm also a natural flirt. Flirting isn't cheating, people need to learn to differentiate the two.
I think flirting is fine.
I think flirting is fine.
Lol, and lol that makes you a weird partner because if your with your gf/bf and yuo flirt with other people makes you look as if your either desperate, dont like your partner or a slag. And suppose you got married and had children, im guessing you'll still be flirting huh...seriously cant stand people like you
Original post by d_star
Lol, and lol that makes you a weird partner because if your with your gf/bf and yuo flirt with other people makes you look as if your either desperate, dont like your partner or a slag. And suppose you got married and had children, im guessing you'll still be flirting huh...seriously cant stand people like you
My girlfriend knew I was a flirt. It doesn't make me look desperate at all. You can't just switch these things off.
If my girlfriend wants to flirt with other people that's fine with me.
Casually slip in the Boyfriend bomb (mention you have a boyfriend in conversation). And maybe talk a bit about how awesome you think he is, just to drive home that you're only "friendly flirting".
Surprised at the number of unhelpful replies. Well, maybe not.
Surprised at the number of unhelpful replies. Well, maybe not.
Original post by jordz
My girlfriend knew I was a flirt. It doesn't make me look desperate at all. You can't just switch these things off.
If my girlfriend wants to flirt with other people that's fine with me.
If my girlfriend wants to flirt with other people that's fine with me.
FYI, open relationships do not work.
Hmm, I'm in two minds over this sort of thing.
I don't mind it too much. But at the same time, there really needs to be limits that you both can acknowledge. I know I didn't like it when I heard about my GF getting into a water fight and then being dragged bodily into a shower, clothed, but still by a guy I know would like to have her. It just, feels wrong. I wouldn't do that to a girl.
But a bit of harmless banter is fine in my opinion. So friendly, messing around flirting is all good. Stuff that could easily be misinterpreted, or that you would normally do with someone you want to sleep with, that's not ok.
I don't mind it too much. But at the same time, there really needs to be limits that you both can acknowledge. I know I didn't like it when I heard about my GF getting into a water fight and then being dragged bodily into a shower, clothed, but still by a guy I know would like to have her. It just, feels wrong. I wouldn't do that to a girl.
But a bit of harmless banter is fine in my opinion. So friendly, messing around flirting is all good. Stuff that could easily be misinterpreted, or that you would normally do with someone you want to sleep with, that's not ok.
Every person finds some members of the opposite attractive whether you're in a relationship or not.
You can't justify your behaviour with this if you have committed yourself to a monogamous relationship.
A monogamous relationship is when two people decide to be sexually exclusive to each other - they will only kiss/have sex with each other - but also they won't disrespect one another - they won't say horrible things about them, tell everyone how they were in bed, sit on another guy's lap, put their hands down another guy's trousers for a 'joke' - these kinds of things are disrespectful.
Disrespectful means not caring and not taking into consideration your partner's feelings in your actions.
Flirting, in my definition, is showing sexual intent towards a member of the opposite sex and leading them on sexually. Heavy eye contact, touching, sexual innuendos, talking about things you'd like to do to each other, telling each other how hot you think each other is, teasing each other -- can all be elements of flirting.
Talking to guys you merely find attractive isn't flirting. The sexual component is a heavy part of it for me.
Essentially, it's emotional cheating and that's what you seem to be doing with this 'one guy' who you find attractive and you think is flirting with you to get in your knickers. You like the attention, like thinking of him in that way, you like thinking what he wants to do to you in bed.
You can't justify your behaviour with this if you have committed yourself to a monogamous relationship.
A monogamous relationship is when two people decide to be sexually exclusive to each other - they will only kiss/have sex with each other - but also they won't disrespect one another - they won't say horrible things about them, tell everyone how they were in bed, sit on another guy's lap, put their hands down another guy's trousers for a 'joke' - these kinds of things are disrespectful.
Disrespectful means not caring and not taking into consideration your partner's feelings in your actions.
Flirting, in my definition, is showing sexual intent towards a member of the opposite sex and leading them on sexually. Heavy eye contact, touching, sexual innuendos, talking about things you'd like to do to each other, telling each other how hot you think each other is, teasing each other -- can all be elements of flirting.
Talking to guys you merely find attractive isn't flirting. The sexual component is a heavy part of it for me.
Essentially, it's emotional cheating and that's what you seem to be doing with this 'one guy' who you find attractive and you think is flirting with you to get in your knickers. You like the attention, like thinking of him in that way, you like thinking what he wants to do to you in bed.
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by jordz
My girlfriend knew I was a flirt. It doesn't make me look desperate at all. You can't just switch these things off.
If my girlfriend wants to flirt with other people that's fine with me.
If my girlfriend wants to flirt with other people that's fine with me.
I guess if you both have a healthy relationship then im happy for really, but i personally am not that type of person, i would never even think about flirting with other men while i have a bf. I guess im a very loyal person in everytype of relationship (family, friends etc) and i personally think that a society would be much better if loyalty was more.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm finding it difficult because I am naturally flirty (but loyal to my bf) and I know my bf isn't flirty when he's in a relationship with me. For me, it's normal, it's just how I am. I've been getting to know someone and it seems like he's flirting with me, and I find him attractive, but at the same time I know I won't do anything because I'm loyal to my bf and we have a good relationship. Yet it still bothers me - we seem naturally attracted but I don't want to act on it. Surely it's normal? I mean you don't just stop finding people attractive because you're in a relationship. For a long time I wasn't in a serious relationship and in some ways I find I don't feel used to it.
Hmmmm tricky one this! I'm in a relationship too, but have never quite been able to resist that buzz of getting to know someone new, and all the flirting and excitement that goes with it.... I don't think that you're being disloyal unless anything physical actually happens between you to be honest. You're right - its entirely normal to be attracted to someone else when you're in a relationship, its what you decide to do about it that counts! ;-) x
Original post by MathematicsKiller
FYI, open relationships do not work.
Flirting outside of a relationship is completely different to having an open relationship!
He knows I have a bf, that I live with him, that we're quite serious, but still, somehow there is an attraction.
What makes me more uncomfortable is the fact that my current bf isn't a flirt when he's in a relationship, whereas my ex was a flirt, like me, and we both carried on flirting, and that was fine with both of us... This relationship however I do think is good and I see a future but I'm not sure we have the same expectations, which is kind of problematic.
Steevee - working out the limits isn't so easy.
Rancorous - thanks for the helpful post. Not sure whether it is emotional cheating or not. In any case I'm not the kind of person for whom one person can fulfill all my emotional needs - I have friends I talk to about different stuff.
There's not much touching, but when there is (like passing something to each other or bumping into each other), it doesn't feel the same as with other people. And I don't say anything horrible about my bf because I don't think anything horrible about him - I'm not like that.
It's just that this particular person has surprised me. I've only seen him a few times and there definitely is an attraction between us, besides 'clicking' on an emotional and intellectual level.
There's none of the other stuff but the eye contact definitely is there, and also we seem to always be physically close when we walk or talk. Also whenever we see each other it's always for longer than planned etc.
Original post by d_star
Lol, and lol that makes you a weird partner because if your with your gf/bf and yuo flirt with other people makes you look as if your either desperate, dont like your partner or a slag. And suppose you got married and had children, im guessing you'll still be flirting huh...seriously cant stand people like you
That's true...you shouldn't flirt no matter what. It will end up hurting someone's emotions.
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