She doesn't seem interested, am I being stupid?

I've been dating this girl for around six months now. At the beginning, everything was great, everything I could ever want in a relationship. But lately, things have been going a bit downhill. We're both at uni and as such, have quite a lot of work on our hands. Even so, I still find time to see my family, friends and her. But for some reason, she just doesn't seem to want to make time for me. We hardly see each other, maybe twice a week at most and we only live about ten minutes away from each other by car. She will drop out on dates a lot, saying that she has too much work to do, but she always seems to find enough time to be around her friends. She tells me that she loves me in texts, calls etc. but at the moment, I'm really struggling to believe her. I suffer from anxiety issues and they have really flared up lately for what I believe are unrelated reasons (I've never had reason to be anxious about her before) and that isn't helping matters. It looks to me that she just isn't serious about our relationship but because of the anxiety, I'm sometimes not sure what is worth worrying about and what is nothing. I do love her, but I've been thinking latley about just cutting it off and moving on with my life because I'm not happy at the moment with this relationship. But at the same time she's amazing when we are together and I'm not sure that I want to lose that. We've attempted to discuss this before but we've never really got anywhere with it, other than promises to do stuff together in between our workloads which have never materialised.

TL;DR, Girlfriend hardly wants to see me, its getting me down.

Reply 1

KatieO

Original post by Anonymous

I've been dating this girl for around six months now. At the beginning, everything was great, everything I could ever want in a relationship. But lately, things have been going a bit downhill. We're both at uni and as such, have quite a lot of work on our hands. Even so, I still find time to see my family, friends and her. But for some reason, she just doesn't seem to want to make time for me. We hardly see each other, maybe twice a week at most and we only live about ten minutes away from each other by car. She will drop out on dates a lot, saying that she has too much work to do, but she always seems to find enough time to be around her friends. She tells me that she loves me in texts, calls etc. but at the moment, I'm really struggling to believe her. I suffer from anxiety issues and they have really flared up lately for what I believe are unrelated reasons (I've never had reason to be anxious about her before) and that isn't helping matters. It looks to me that she just isn't serious about our relationship but because of the anxiety, I'm sometimes not sure what is worth worrying about and what is nothing. I do love her, but I've been thinking latley about just cutting it off and moving on with my life because I'm not happy at the moment with this relationship. But at the same time she's amazing when we are together and I'm not sure that I want to lose that. We've attempted to discuss this before but we've never really got anywhere with it, other than promises to do stuff together in between our workloads which have never materialised.

TL;DR, Girlfriend hardly wants to see me, its getting me down.

I think it seems to me like both your lives are moving on and your girlfriend has got so much going on and has all these friends and new things to do she's put you on the back burner if that makes sense? If she is making you feel un-happy and is making you feel like you want to give the relationship up then this isn't really good for you or for her, because you might be holding either one of you back from finding happiness from somewhere else. But, because you love your girlfriend and she appears to love you, maybe you can fight for this. Try talking to her again say that you've made promises in the past to see each other more, but it doesn't seem to have happened, is there any reasons why? Then if I was you I would just ask straight out if she wants to be with you anymore or if she feels the two of you are drifting apart. I mean if nothing else changes in the next 2 weeks after that I would sit her down and say you've had enough. Might sound harsh but you can't keep telling someone you want to spend time with them and love them, then never see them, it's just not fair. Hope this helps and I don't appear too harsh.

Reply 2

Studentus-anonymous

12

Funnily enough dumping ehr may be a good gauge of how serious she is. XD

Ask her why?

Propose to her?

I'd dump her... It sounds likes she's on the virge of dumping you, so dumping her first will get you one on her at least.

Reply 6

hali0112

15

Original post by Anonymous

I've been dating this girl for around six months now. At the beginning, everything was great, everything I could ever want in a relationship. But lately, things have been going a bit downhill. We're both at uni and as such, have quite a lot of work on our hands. Even so, I still find time to see my family, friends and her. But for some reason, she just doesn't seem to want to make time for me. We hardly see each other, maybe twice a week at most and we only live about ten minutes away from each other by car. She will drop out on dates a lot, saying that she has too much work to do, but she always seems to find enough time to be around her friends. She tells me that she loves me in texts, calls etc. but at the moment, I'm really struggling to believe her. I suffer from anxiety issues and they have really flared up lately for what I believe are unrelated reasons (I've never had reason to be anxious about her before) and that isn't helping matters. It looks to me that she just isn't serious about our relationship but because of the anxiety, I'm sometimes not sure what is worth worrying about and what is nothing. I do love her, but I've been thinking latley about just cutting it off and moving on with my life because I'm not happy at the moment with this relationship. But at the same time she's amazing when we are together and I'm not sure that I want to lose that. We've attempted to discuss this before but we've never really got anywhere with it, other than promises to do stuff together in between our workloads which have never materialised.

TL;DR, Girlfriend hardly wants to see me, its getting me down.

I know it's really hard but sometimes people just grow apart. You both lead different lives and have different priorities and struggle to find time to meet and that's unfortunate and no one's fault. It just happens sometimes. You cannot force it. When you're in a relationship you should naturally feel the eagerness to speak or see each other and hear each other's voice if you spend time apart. That eagerness and excitement should keep the spark alive and keep you both together. If you've had a long day, she'll be the one you want to relax with, if something exciting happens she'll be the one you want to tell and vice versa. It's a real shame but some relationships do come to a natural end.

However, having said that maybe that's not the case and you could be reading too much into things. Maybe she is busy. It's hard to tell. You have to go with your gut instincts.

If you think it's worth fighting for, don't give up! You owe it to yourself to do everything you can to keep your relationship going or else you'll regret what could've been. But having said that, it goes both ways. You both have to be committed and if one person gives up on the relationship and doesn't want it anymore, then it's not worth it.

Talk to her and tell her how you feel. That'll make you less anxious and you'll know where you stand :smile:

It'll put you out of your misery and you can go from there. The speculation and worry will only worsen your anxiety. Good luck :smile:

She doesn't seem interested, am I being stupid?

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