thinking about him and can't sleep

It's a somewhat pathetic case of having had a short but very intense thing with someone, who then emailed me 4 weeks ago that he didn't want to see me again as he felt that he could never truly love me (a gut feeling). So it's over, and I was v much hurt or more aptly put, disappointed as I'd had such high hopes for us and had never met anyone like him, then to be spurned by him like this - of course it's gonna take time to come to terms with it. He has many flaws, perhaps it wouldn't have worked out anyway and I don't even love him or anything, but I think about him an awful lot and find that I can't move on. All other guys I compare to him (he did have many good qualities), but my thoughts being occupied with him are souring my life in general. I know I can't do anything about that and I accept it and try to ignore it and keep myself busy during the day, which actually works OK. However at night, before going to sleep or if I wake during the night, I feel I am less in control, and cannot rein in my thoughts and I catch myself thinking about him and everything that's happened and how perhaps I was to blame (I wasn't) for what seems like hours. This is seriously getting to me and affecting my quality of sleep. What can I do? I've tried various sleeping pills but they've actually worsened it all and instead of helping me sleep have had me think about him even more, lying wide awake in bed, going over every detail.

What should/can I do? (I do wish I'd never met the guy.) Please help.

I think you need to stop the vicious cycle of obsession. The more you want something, you more you obsess about it. That's because it seems impossible, therefore your admiration and lust increases due yo that fantasy. Let it go, meet new guys, and enjoy yourself.

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It's a somewhat pathetic case of having had a short but very intense thing with someone, who then emailed me 4 weeks ago that he didn't want to see me again as he felt that he could never truly love me (a gut feeling). So it's over, and I was v much hurt or more aptly put, disappointed as I'd had such high hopes for us and had never met anyone like him, then to be spurned by him like this - of course it's gonna take time to come to terms with it. He has many flaws, perhaps it wouldn't have worked out anyway and I don't even love him or anything, but I think about him an awful lot and find that I can't move on. All other guys I compare to him (he did have many good qualities), but my thoughts being occupied with him are souring my life in general. I know I can't do anything about that and I accept it and try to ignore it and keep myself busy during the day, which actually works OK. However at night, before going to sleep or if I wake during the night, I feel I am less in control, and cannot rein in my thoughts and I catch myself thinking about him and everything that's happened and how perhaps I was to blame (I wasn't) for what seems like hours. This is seriously getting to me and affecting my quality of sleep. What can I do? I've tried various sleeping pills but they've actually worsened it all and instead of helping me sleep have had me think about him even more, lying wide awake in bed, going over every detail.

What should/can I do? (I do wish I'd never met the guy.) Please help.

I read something not that long ago saying that when people are in love, for some reason or another their sereotonin levels drop - which is a simillar feature of people with OCD.

Its apparently usually what keeps new couples obsessed with each other in that blissfull period at the beginning of a relationship.

Unfortunitly it looks as though its one way traffic for you :-(

Been in simillar situation myself.

You just gota go cold turkey and ride it out, dont make contact it will just be crap. The obsessing will fade eventually.

You will meet someone else, one day, who you like better. There's nothing to get you over the last one like the next one. If you don't want someone else, then only time will heal this.

I often, for some stupid reason, put a film on the laptop to watch if I dont feel tired when i go to bed.

99% of the time because im warm in bed I clonk out and dont remeber feck all about the film.

Since your problem is that time when you close your eyes but are not yet unconcious and there is silent time for your mind to think, this might help cut that bit out and just give you a shortcut straight to sleep.

yes.

I think I can be quite a passionate/intense and obsessive person to begin with and how he's handled everything made it even worse. The problem is that I can completely live with it during the day, if I think about him, so what, I try to occupy myself, it's nights which are v difficult as I find it more difficult to be in control/rational when tired.

It's really bad. I know it's partly habit but it's almost as if I was mental. Tbh I do feel mental, I wonder if therapy is free on the NHS?!