Advice? A girl I was seeing wants to stay single as she's confused :/

Hi all

I've had a lot of bad luck with relationships this past 2 years, its always the wrong girl or wrong time it seems. This girl I thought would be different and when today she said that she was confused what she wanted and thinks we should be friends as she wants to be alone for a while... I don't know what i should do, part of me hopes maybe I can do something to change it or perhaps I did something wrong?.

She was in a relationship not long ago and I used to meet her as a friend regularly down the pub, she wasn't happy for the time i knew her then and then she broke up with him. We continued getting closer and ended up eventually seeing each other a lot. We went out regularly and eventually was sleeping together. She has been staying round my house, met my family/ friends and gets on great and so on. It seemed to me that finally something was going right we were doing amazingly.

We would say openly we were seeing each other but trying to take it slow, now she has said this is there anything I can do? I feel that being just friends and not being able to act the same with her that it'll be difficult and we'll just drift apart and she'l find someone else :/

Sorry about the long post but any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks

Reply 1

455409

17

She's politely rejecting you, sorry. Now that she's slept with you she's done and wants to move onto the next guy.

Reply 2

Carnationlilyrose

18

I doubt you have done anything wrong. People change and realise they want different things. It's nobody's fault.

Reply 3

Chris_1002

OP

thanks for the replies, is there a way I could find out if there is a chance of fixing it? Or is it just going to damage the situation? :/

Reply 4

username728604

2

Dude, it's fear. By 'confused' she means she likes you but is scared about getting into another relationship either due to past experience or personal insecurities. Being friend's won't help things, it won't be easy on you.

Reply 5

Carnationlilyrose

18

Original post by Chris_1002

thanks for the replies, is there a way I could find out if there is a chance of fixing it? Or is it just going to damage the situation? :/

It's not going to be possible for anyone to say who doesn't know you. I suspect she's trying to let you down gently, because that's usually what being friends means, but try talking to her and being honest about how you feel.

Reply 6

Chris_1002

OP

I agree that it won't help which is my fear because I do really like her. I'd like to believe she likes me too, despite being used before she never gave me a reason to mistrust her, was very genuine and the way she acted towards me was very caring. I'm tempted to give her a call and try to see if i can change things but as I said it may just look bad on me and damage the situation.

Reply 7

Carnationlilyrose

18

Original post by Chris_1002

I agree that it won't help which is my fear because I do really like her. I'd like to believe she likes me too, despite being used before she never gave me a reason to mistrust her, was very genuine and the way she acted towards me was very caring. I'm tempted to give her a call and try to see if i can change things but as I said it may just look bad on me and damage the situation.

She's never given you a reason to mistrust her and has been very caring. That kind of girl is not going to turn on you for asking for an honest assessment of your status. People do just grow apart, especially when young, and it's no one's fault. It doesn't often happen that both people feel the same way at the same time, so it might be hurtful, but if she's never going to feel more than friendship for you, then it's better to know it now and then go on to find the girl who is the right one for you.

Reply 8

username945458

18

......I think your the rebound :redface:

Reply 9

theorangebox

3

She's still hurting, rebounding with you, and doesn't have a clue what she actually wants.

I would very highly recommend listening to what she's saying and backing off. For both your sakes. She's been very honest about what she's feeling to you, the absolute worst thing you can do is ignore that. When a girl says she isn't ready for anything too soon, you can either be supportive and accept her decision, or disregard it and push her to change her mind. Which one do you think a girl's going to appreciate more?

She may well change her mind later, who knows? But she's far more likely to do so if you prove yourself someone who can respect her feelings and not take it personally, than if you are just clingy and try to pull her into something she doesn't want yet.

Reply 10

Carnationlilyrose

18

Original post by theorangebox

She's still hurting, rebounding with you, and doesn't have a clue what she actually wants.

I would very highly recommend listening to what she's saying and backing off. For both your sakes. She's been very honest about what she's feeling to you, the absolute worst thing you can do is ignore that. When a girl says she isn't ready for anything too soon, you can either be supportive and accept her decision, or disregard it and push her to change her mind. Which one do you think a girl's going to appreciate more?

She may well change her mind later, who knows? But she's far more likely to do so if you prove yourself someone who can respect her feelings and not take it personally, than if you are just clingy and try to pull her into something she doesn't want yet.

Excellent advice.