Is it weird that I wouldn't want my Dad to walk me down the aisle?
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Original post by CallMeJay
What has your father done to you to deserve this? That's awfully disrespectful.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
I don't feel it's "disrespectful". I just happen to think my plans won't necessarily need to HAVE him walking down the aisle. It's not needed. He'll be involved in other ways, and in ways that I think he'll enjoy a lot more. He'll probably be at the entrance of the aisle (if there is an aisle) with my mother and I'll probably give them both a quick peck on the cheek and then maybe walk down with the person I'm marrying. He'll also still have his speech (he loves writing a good speech) and a dance.
Original post by beccagood95
Now, I'm not intending to get married anytime soon, especially since me and my boyfriend are still at university.
Does anyone else feel like this too?
Does anyone else feel like this too?
My view is that you are making a big deal out of nothing
Walking your daughter down the aisle means something different now. Like others have said it's more, that the father was the first male bond you had, your protector (and most likely the breadwinner), he looked after you etc and when you get married he gives up some of that up to an extent. He is trusting that your husband will do the same.
Even if he did raise you to be independent etc I can guarantee he will be absolutely gutted. I certainly would if I ever have daughter(s) I would want to raise them to be strong independent women capable of making their own choices but I would still be devastated if they turned around and said, 'I don't want you to walk me down the aisle'.
To be honest, i'm not sure it's worth it. It will hurt him more than you realize (and more than he will show) and I think you could actually damage your relationship with him.
I actually really like the tradition, as culture has changed (as mentioned above) so it's something I would do/want to do.
At the end of the day that's my opinion and I can't see you listening to the opinions of a stranger from TSR and it is your wedding so do what you want.
Before you make a decision I would ask myself this 'Is it worth it?'
Original post by DCFCfan4eva
My view is that you are making a big deal out of nothing
Walking your daughter down the aisle means something different now. Like others have said it's more, that the father was the first male bond you had, your protector (and most likely the breadwinner), he looked after you etc and when you get married he gives up some of that up to an extent. He is trusting that your husband will do the same.
Even if he did raise you to be independent etc I can guarantee he will be absolutely gutted. I certainly would if I ever have daughter(s) I would want to raise them to be strong independent women capable of making their own choices but I would still be devastated if they turned around and said, 'I don't want you to walk me down the aisle'.
To be honest, i'm not sure it's worth it. It will hurt him more than you realize (and more than he will show) and I think you could actually damage your relationship with him.
I actually really like the tradition, as culture has changed (as mentioned above) so it's something I would do/want to do.
At the end of the day that's my opinion and I can't see you listening to the opinions of a stranger from TSR and it is your wedding so do what you want.
Before you make a decision I would ask myself this 'Is it worth it?'
Walking your daughter down the aisle means something different now. Like others have said it's more, that the father was the first male bond you had, your protector (and most likely the breadwinner), he looked after you etc and when you get married he gives up some of that up to an extent. He is trusting that your husband will do the same.
Even if he did raise you to be independent etc I can guarantee he will be absolutely gutted. I certainly would if I ever have daughter(s) I would want to raise them to be strong independent women capable of making their own choices but I would still be devastated if they turned around and said, 'I don't want you to walk me down the aisle'.
To be honest, i'm not sure it's worth it. It will hurt him more than you realize (and more than he will show) and I think you could actually damage your relationship with him.
I actually really like the tradition, as culture has changed (as mentioned above) so it's something I would do/want to do.
At the end of the day that's my opinion and I can't see you listening to the opinions of a stranger from TSR and it is your wedding so do what you want.
Before you make a decision I would ask myself this 'Is it worth it?'
Excellently spoken, sir.
Posted from TSR Mobile
I don't know. I can see where you're coming from.
In a way I'd say your father doesn't "own you". But girls on average are physically weaker and less able to defend themselves, especially when children and when pregnant, so the idea might be that you're going from the physical protection of your dad to the physical protection of your husband.
Also, during pregnancy, your husband might be supporting you financially, as your father did in childhood, so in a way you are going from one protector to another.
Unless by your feminist principle, you'll earn slightly more than your husband when you do work, to balance off the loss during pregnancy, or you don't want kids.
In a way I'd say your father doesn't "own you". But girls on average are physically weaker and less able to defend themselves, especially when children and when pregnant, so the idea might be that you're going from the physical protection of your dad to the physical protection of your husband.
Also, during pregnancy, your husband might be supporting you financially, as your father did in childhood, so in a way you are going from one protector to another.
Unless by your feminist principle, you'll earn slightly more than your husband when you do work, to balance off the loss during pregnancy, or you don't want kids.
Original post by DCFCfan4eva
My view is that you are making a big deal out of nothing
Before you make a decision I would ask myself this 'Is it worth it?'
Before you make a decision I would ask myself this 'Is it worth it?'
To be honest I think everyone else seems to be making a bigger deal than it needs to be. I completely forgot that everyone needs to have exactly the same wedding so there aren't any hurt feelings.
I don't intend for my relationship with my father to change anymore than it will have done once I've moved in with a boyfriend, than when I get married to that exact same person. If there will be no change in relationship with my father and if he will be involved in the wedding in other, more IMPORTANT ways, and in ways that I will remember the most, I find that this is a particular tradition that I do not need to have in my wedding. I would much rather walk down the aisle with the person I'm marrying as it would represent a journey made together to this particular point in the relationship.
If you don't like the traditional, ceremonial nature of a wedding....then why the **** are you considering getting married considering that is basically what it's all about?
Original post by physicsbook
Its fine. Its yours and your to-be husbands day and you should celebrate it however you want. If someone gets upset about how you spend it then that is their problem.
I'm not having my dad walk me down the aisle because quite frankly what has my dad got to do with me getting married?
I think my dad will also be completely fine with it too because he understands my relationships and who I am with is completely my own business.
I'm not having my dad walk me down the aisle because quite frankly what has my dad got to do with me getting married?
I think my dad will also be completely fine with it too because he understands my relationships and who I am with is completely my own business.
Yes, this seems to be a bit of a strange concept to people on TSR. *sighs*.
I would always live with someone before getting married, and I'm pretty sure that would be a much bigger change in the father-daughter relationship, but there's no ceremony for that.
Original post by beccagood95
Oh, and Joe's hardly a new man, he's been around for 4 years already and by the time we get married it will probably a lot longer than that. I think he's come to terms with it by now. 
It's not that he's new as in brand new, never seen before, it's more that he isn't the main carer/protector sort of thing - he isn't your dad. There's a fine line between the roles of a father and a husband. I just think it's so sad (upsetting kind of sad) that you have this view because it might seem so insignificant to you but it could mean the world to your dad.
Original post by beccagood95
Yes, this seems to be a bit of a strange concept to people on TSR. *sighs*.
I would always live with someone before getting married, and I'm pretty sure that would be a much bigger change in the father-daughter relationship, but there's no ceremony for that.
I would always live with someone before getting married, and I'm pretty sure that would be a much bigger change in the father-daughter relationship, but there's no ceremony for that.
marriages are not for couples. their for the family.
just as funerals arent for the dead. theyre for the living.
your just selfish and self indulgent.
its all me me me with people.
basically your humiliating your dad. because you want it your way. although your dads probably been giving you your own way all your life hence why your like this. hence why his social circles will see that and think he's a soft touch. your husband will also probably think your father is weak and respect him less. you dont respect him enough to include him in your wedding why should he respect him?
people will laugh at your dad behind his back. and its all because you wanna do it your way.
can i ask. do you have a boyfriend?
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by TolerantBeing
If you don't like the traditional, ceremonial nature of a wedding....then why the **** are you considering getting married considering that is basically what it's all about?
I have thought about not getting married, and I wouldn't mind that. I might never get married and just remain in a long term relationship. But my boyfriend has talked about marriage and it's something he wants, and also it would be better to be married for legal reasons than just co-habiting.
Original post by beccagood95
To be honest I think everyone else seems to be making a bigger deal than it needs to be. I completely forgot that everyone needs to have exactly the same wedding so there aren't any hurt feelings.
.
.
To an extent, I agreee with you. It's a day celebrating your and your fiancee love and commitment and it should be about you two and you certainly shouldn't be giving in to every desire of people who come.
I know you can have your wedding the way you want and it's none of my buisness, all i'm saying is tread carefully.
Original post by fojodef
marriages are not for couples. their for the family.
just as funerals arent for the dead. theyre for the living.
your just selfish and self indulgent.
its all me me me with people.
basically your humiliating your dad. because you want it your way. although your dads probably been giving you your own way all your life hence why your like this. hence why his social circles will see that and think your a soft touch. your husband will also probably think your father is weak and respect him less. you dont respect him enough to include him in your wedding why should he respect him?
people will laugh at your dad behind his back. and its all because you wanna do it your way.
can i ask. do you have a boyfriend?
just as funerals arent for the dead. theyre for the living.
your just selfish and self indulgent.
its all me me me with people.
basically your humiliating your dad. because you want it your way. although your dads probably been giving you your own way all your life hence why your like this. hence why his social circles will see that and think your a soft touch. your husband will also probably think your father is weak and respect him less. you dont respect him enough to include him in your wedding why should he respect him?
people will laugh at your dad behind his back. and its all because you wanna do it your way.
can i ask. do you have a boyfriend?
Well actually, marriages aren't really for family, because I wouldn't actually be getting married if I didn't want to and if it wasn't right for me.
I do have a boyfriend, and my boyfriend will definitely not think my father is "weak". My Dad isn't insecure enough to have to show everyone how "manly" he is.
You're at liberty to do whatever you choose, but I think this is a very petty non-issue, and your guests will ask why continually. Just seems like a hell of a lot easier to let your dad walk you down the aisle.
Original post by beccagood95
Yes, this seems to be a bit of a strange concept to people on TSR. *sighs*.
Why ask the question if you're not prepared to listen to the answer?
Original post by St. Brynjar
Why ask the question if you're not prepared to listen to the answer?
Well obviously I have listened to the answers, which is where I managed to draw the conclusion that it was a strange concept to TSR. It was very eye opening.
what about if he was in a wheel chair?
Original post by beccagood95
Well actually, marriages aren't really for family, because I wouldn't actually be getting married if I didn't want to and if it wasn't right for me.
I do have a boyfriend, and my boyfriend will definitely not think my father is "weak". My Dad isn't insecure enough to have to show everyone how "manly" he is.
I do have a boyfriend, and my boyfriend will definitely not think my father is "weak". My Dad isn't insecure enough to have to show everyone how "manly" he is.
sure he is... lol
anyway. back in the real world.
marriages are for family. thats the whole point. your binding your two families together. hence why your husbands dad because your dad too. but in law.
your also creating your own family.
marriage historically comes from families having alliances and because you dont want to burn in hell or have your bastard children burn in hell.
now days theres no real reason for it.
its just a way for money grabbing whores to take rich guys money.
or as a public display of union to your family.
like a big "oh im proud of my daughter becoming a grown women"
like passing your driving test or graduating from university.
the fact that you want it to be so narcissistic that you want to start messing with all the traditions why are you even bothering getting married at all.
n whats messed up about it is your not even going all the way to customise your wedding. no your keeping it normal but just picking on the one roll your dad has.
have you asked your boyfriend what he thinks of this?
cause i wouldnt feel comfortable with it.
also has your relationship been going on long and is it happy? cause like... i can just imagine you bringing the same selfishness that motivates your wedding decision to decisions in your relationship
Original post by fojodef
sure he is... lol
anyway. back in the real world.
marriages are for family. thats the whole point. your binding your two families together. hence why your husbands dad because your dad too. but in law.
your also creating your own family.
marriage historically comes from families having alliances and because you dont want to burn in hell or have your bastard children burn in hell.
now days theres no real reason for it.
its just a way for money grabbing whores to take rich guys money.
or as a public display of union to your family.
like a big "oh im proud of my daughter becoming a grown women"
like passing your driving test or graduating from university.
the fact that you want it to be so narcissistic that you want to start messing with all the traditions why are you even bothering getting married at all.
n whats messed up about it is your not even going all the way to customise your wedding. no your keeping it normal but just picking on the one roll your dad has.
have you asked your boyfriend what he thinks of this?
cause i wouldnt feel comfortable with it.
also has your relationship been going on long and is it happy? cause like... i can just imagine you bringing the same selfishness that motivates your wedding decision to decisions in your relationship
anyway. back in the real world.
marriages are for family. thats the whole point. your binding your two families together. hence why your husbands dad because your dad too. but in law.
your also creating your own family.
marriage historically comes from families having alliances and because you dont want to burn in hell or have your bastard children burn in hell.
now days theres no real reason for it.
its just a way for money grabbing whores to take rich guys money.
or as a public display of union to your family.
like a big "oh im proud of my daughter becoming a grown women"
like passing your driving test or graduating from university.
the fact that you want it to be so narcissistic that you want to start messing with all the traditions why are you even bothering getting married at all.
n whats messed up about it is your not even going all the way to customise your wedding. no your keeping it normal but just picking on the one roll your dad has.
have you asked your boyfriend what he thinks of this?
cause i wouldnt feel comfortable with it.
also has your relationship been going on long and is it happy? cause like... i can just imagine you bringing the same selfishness that motivates your wedding decision to decisions in your relationship
1. No, I might not get married.
2. Urm, who said I was keeping the rest of it "normal"? I certainly didn't.
3.I don't believe in hell and I also don't believe that there's anything wrong with having children outside of marriage.
4. He doesn't mind who walks me down the aisle.
5. My relationship is none of your business, actually. But yes, it's long and it's happy because I'm not actually a selfish person. I love him more than anything else, and the wedding would be about the two of us, not just me. Our families may be "joined" in a way, but that means my father isn't any more important than the other 3 parents involved in the ceremony. They will all have a role to play, including my own father.
Original post by beccagood95
I don't feel it's "disrespectful". I just happen to think my plans won't necessarily need to HAVE him walking down the aisle. It's not needed. He'll be involved in other ways, and in ways that I think he'll enjoy a lot more. He'll probably be at the entrance of the aisle (if there is an aisle) with my mother and I'll probably give them both a quick peck on the cheek and then maybe walk down with the person I'm marrying. He'll also still have his speech (he loves writing a good speech) and a dance.
It's not just about what you feel it's about what he feels too. He may not admit if you ask, most men hide their feelings but I can assure you he'd be very hurt.
What you're doing seems very selfish to me and to pretty much everyone else on this thread judging by the responses but hey it's not my wedding or my fathers feelings you're destroying so it doesn't really matter to me.
I have a father but he's a horrible one and has been absent for most of it. I probably won't have anyone walking me down the aisle (although I do feel a little badly about it but in my eyes he doesnt deserve it) Is it still selfish?
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