Is it weird that I wouldn't want my Dad to walk me down the aisle?
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My brother's giving me away (my father's dead). This has always been known between us.
I think you should just let him walk you down the aisle. I'd be so hurt if I was your father. It's just one aspect of your day. The day is about you getting married, not who walked you down the ****ing aisle. Gosh.
I think you should just let him walk you down the aisle. I'd be so hurt if I was your father. It's just one aspect of your day. The day is about you getting married, not who walked you down the ****ing aisle. Gosh.
It's your wedding, do what you want while keeping in mind that it will also be an important moment for your boyfriend and both of your families. You'll have to plan a million things during the wedding, and from your posts I see you do not like nor want a traditional wedding, so just change things around and consult with your dad how he feels about this. I don't expect to get married (and I am in a similar situation to you, I've been together with my boyfriend for many years) but if I did, I know that my dad would be very sad if he didn't walk me down the aisle, simply because he likes traditions and would be worried what other people would think... I do not feel strongly about him walking me down the aisle or not, so I'm okay with that. I have a bigger problem since my family hates each other and I would not know how to put my mom and dad under the same roof.
People forget that communication is one of the most important things in any relationship, so just talk with your dad when the time comes, and if he's really upset about it, you'll decide what to do.
People forget that communication is one of the most important things in any relationship, so just talk with your dad when the time comes, and if he's really upset about it, you'll decide what to do.
Original post by nohomo
I don't know. I can see where you're coming from.
In a way I'd say your father doesn't "own you". But girls on average are physically weaker and less able to defend themselves, especially when children and when pregnant, so the idea might be that you're going from the physical protection of your dad to the physical protection of your husband.
Also, during pregnancy, your husband might be supporting you financially, as your father did in childhood, so in a way you are going from one protector to another.
Unless by your feminist principle, you'll earn slightly more than your husband when you do work, to balance off the loss during pregnancy, or you don't want kids.
In a way I'd say your father doesn't "own you". But girls on average are physically weaker and less able to defend themselves, especially when children and when pregnant, so the idea might be that you're going from the physical protection of your dad to the physical protection of your husband.
Also, during pregnancy, your husband might be supporting you financially, as your father did in childhood, so in a way you are going from one protector to another.
Unless by your feminist principle, you'll earn slightly more than your husband when you do work, to balance off the loss during pregnancy, or you don't want kids.
Physical protection from what exactly?
People sayings "it's tradition", not all tradition is good.
FGM Is tradition in some places, doesn't mean it's good.
What's more is that it's OP s wedding day, not ours, and if she doesn't want to be given away like she's some kind of object then she doesn't have to be.
It's like changing our names because of "tradition", it's my name, my identity and because I'm married because of "tradition" I have to change my name?
Now, what, I feel should be advocated is choice.
If you want to take your partners name then take it.
If you want your dad to walk you down, then do it.
If not, don't.
Don't, for the sake of tradition feel pressured to do something, you do not want to do.
It's your life, live it the way you want.
FGM Is tradition in some places, doesn't mean it's good.
What's more is that it's OP s wedding day, not ours, and if she doesn't want to be given away like she's some kind of object then she doesn't have to be.
It's like changing our names because of "tradition", it's my name, my identity and because I'm married because of "tradition" I have to change my name?
Now, what, I feel should be advocated is choice.
If you want to take your partners name then take it.
If you want your dad to walk you down, then do it.
If not, don't.
Don't, for the sake of tradition feel pressured to do something, you do not want to do.
It's your life, live it the way you want.
Original post by the bear
Most young ladies would be thrilled if their Dad took them up the aisle on their special day.
Do you know most young ladies?
As many people have said, I think these are just traditions that have been upheld for years. If you start along this path, you may need/want to change a few other things. For example, why the church when most people today aren't exactly religious? Why choose a white wedding dress since white was worn in those days as a sign of purity/virginity but now-a-days sex before marriage is common place? I don't know enough about Christian wedding traditions, but I expect that many other things that applied in the past, don't necessarily apply any more.
The way I see it, the father is only representing the family from your side and by letting go of your hand, I believe it's a symbolic way of saying to everyone present that you are now entering/forming a new family for yourself. This not only happens in christian weddings, but also in some hindu weddings (and possibly others which i don't know about). I guess it can represent whatever values you uphold - there is no need to interpret an action in just one way. At the end of the day, you should do what you're comfortable with and what makes you happy
The way I see it, the father is only representing the family from your side and by letting go of your hand, I believe it's a symbolic way of saying to everyone present that you are now entering/forming a new family for yourself. This not only happens in christian weddings, but also in some hindu weddings (and possibly others which i don't know about). I guess it can represent whatever values you uphold - there is no need to interpret an action in just one way. At the end of the day, you should do what you're comfortable with and what makes you happy
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by anonymouspie227
People sayings "it's tradition", not all tradition is good.
FGM Is tradition in some places, doesn't mean it's good.
What's more is that it's OP s wedding day, not ours, and if she doesn't want to be given away like she's some kind of object then she doesn't have to be.
It's like changing our names because of "tradition", it's my name, my identity and because I'm married because of "tradition" I have to change my name?
Now, what, I feel should be advocated is choice.
If you want to take your partners name then take it.
If you want your dad to walk you down, then do it.
If not, don't.
Don't, for the sake of tradition feel pressured to do something, you do not want to do.
It's your life, live it the way you want.
FGM Is tradition in some places, doesn't mean it's good.
What's more is that it's OP s wedding day, not ours, and if she doesn't want to be given away like she's some kind of object then she doesn't have to be.
It's like changing our names because of "tradition", it's my name, my identity and because I'm married because of "tradition" I have to change my name?
Now, what, I feel should be advocated is choice.
If you want to take your partners name then take it.
If you want your dad to walk you down, then do it.
If not, don't.
Don't, for the sake of tradition feel pressured to do something, you do not want to do.
It's your life, live it the way you want.
You can't compare this and FGM.
Being given away doesn't hurt you.
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Original post by beccagood95
No, but for the most part it's still sometimes called "giving away" and that's how it started. I just don't feel like it's something I'd want at my wedding, it seems to be a bit of a pointless tradition if he's actually NOT giving me away. I get that other people really want that, especially when they have really good relationships with their dad, but I'd definitely rather walk myself down. Or maybe walk down with my fiance.
It's just a tradition. No one sees it as your Dad passing ownership of you to your fiancee.
If you're worried about how the tradition started, you may want to do a bit of research as to how marriage started. I don't think you'd like the origins of marriage any more than you like the origin of this tradition.
Original post by anonymouspie227
People sayings "it's tradition", not all tradition is good.
FGM Is tradition in some places, doesn't mean it's good.
What's more is that it's OP s wedding day, not ours, and if she doesn't want to be given away like she's some kind of object then she doesn't have to be.
It's like changing our names because of "tradition", it's my name, my identity and because I'm married because of "tradition" I have to change my name?
Now, what, I feel should be advocated is choice.
If you want to take your partners name then take it.
If you want your dad to walk you down, then do it.
If not, don't.
Don't, for the sake of tradition feel pressured to do something, you do not want to do.
It's your life, live it the way you want.
FGM Is tradition in some places, doesn't mean it's good.
What's more is that it's OP s wedding day, not ours, and if she doesn't want to be given away like she's some kind of object then she doesn't have to be.
It's like changing our names because of "tradition", it's my name, my identity and because I'm married because of "tradition" I have to change my name?
Now, what, I feel should be advocated is choice.
If you want to take your partners name then take it.
If you want your dad to walk you down, then do it.
If not, don't.
Don't, for the sake of tradition feel pressured to do something, you do not want to do.
It's your life, live it the way you want.
I don't think people are saying 'It's a tradition therefore you have to do it'. It's more 'These days, no one sees it as a dad passing ownership of his daughter to the groom, it's just a tradition'
Wow, I'm quite surprised at some of the replies tbh. I think you should be able to do whatever you want for your wedding, it's your big day after all. I would say that if your dad not being able to give you away is really upsetting for him, maybe you should allow him to because if it's not a big thing for you then it doesn't really matter anyway but it'll make him happy. But I don't think it's as big a deal as people are making it out to be, it's not like you're not inviting him to your wedding.
Original post by Bartimaeus
Physical protection from what exactly?
Streets (social services and charity are partly dependent on people's good will and what way they vote), violent people etc.
feel bad for your father. this is why feminism has become ****ed up.
I know the OP says that the wedding is only for her and the groom, but I think that weddings are family affairs. Everyone in the family has a role to play in the wedding because everyone had a role to play in getting the couple to where they are now and the fathers biggest role is to walk their daughter down the aisle.
I do think that as soon as a girl is born the father starts to think about walking her down the aisle. Its a big moment in their life , they're no longer the main man in their daughters life. Parents always see their child as a baby, even when they're grown up and I think walking a daughter up the aisle is the moment they realise she's not a baby anymore. Men typically are not great at showing how much things mean to them, but I think for most men the thought of not walking their daughter down the aisle is heartbreaking.
I'm not saying that you should have your wedding in a style that only pleases your parents, but if your parents have raised you and loved you since birth, a little something to please them on a very important day for them is the right thing to do. It shows that you love them and appreciate everything that they have done for you.
Also the wedding is the easiest part of a marriage and I think that a successful marriage has the support of the extended family to make it work. Thats why I think family should be incorporated into the wedding day. Extended family become even more important if you are planning on raising children. There is a reason for the saying of it taking a whole village.
I know OP doesn't want traditional but I think traditional marriages work best. In my experience couples in more traditional marriages last the longest and are the happiest. I think those in traditional marriages realise that there is always gonna be compromise and that marriages have ups and downs.
I do think that as soon as a girl is born the father starts to think about walking her down the aisle. Its a big moment in their life , they're no longer the main man in their daughters life. Parents always see their child as a baby, even when they're grown up and I think walking a daughter up the aisle is the moment they realise she's not a baby anymore. Men typically are not great at showing how much things mean to them, but I think for most men the thought of not walking their daughter down the aisle is heartbreaking.
I'm not saying that you should have your wedding in a style that only pleases your parents, but if your parents have raised you and loved you since birth, a little something to please them on a very important day for them is the right thing to do. It shows that you love them and appreciate everything that they have done for you.
Also the wedding is the easiest part of a marriage and I think that a successful marriage has the support of the extended family to make it work. Thats why I think family should be incorporated into the wedding day. Extended family become even more important if you are planning on raising children. There is a reason for the saying of it taking a whole village.
I know OP doesn't want traditional but I think traditional marriages work best. In my experience couples in more traditional marriages last the longest and are the happiest. I think those in traditional marriages realise that there is always gonna be compromise and that marriages have ups and downs.
Original post by Jordooooom
You sound like one of those spoilt biatches you see on all those wedding programmes.
"Hey dad, I know you raised me from birth, took care me, protected me and taught me the ways of the world ... buuuuuut im afraid if people see you giving me away they'll think I'm just an object for men to own! So if you could just you know, not stand near me for most of the day, that would be great".
I think you need to grow up a lot before even thinking of getting married
"Hey dad, I know you raised me from birth, took care me, protected me and taught me the ways of the world ... buuuuuut im afraid if people see you giving me away they'll think I'm just an object for men to own! So if you could just you know, not stand near me for most of the day, that would be great".
I think you need to grow up a lot before even thinking of getting married
Completely agree with this.
Obviously I don't know your exact circumstances, but I imagine your dad would be pretty devastated by this, OP.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by nohomo
Streets (social services and charity are partly dependent on people's good will and what way they vote), violent people etc.
You're talking rubbish. Fathers and husbands do not act as body guards. When have you ever seen a woman needing 'protection' from their father or husband?
This part doesn't make sense: 'Streets (social services and charity are partly dependent on people's good will and what way they vote)'
Social services don't know or care how you vote.
Your views are outdated and prejudiced. The OP is going to be fine without her father giving her away to her husband like property on her wedding day.
Original post by Bartimaeus
You're talking rubbish. Fathers and husbands do not act as body guards. When have you ever seen a woman needing 'protection' from their father or husband?
Lol wut? Do you even live in reality?
feel sorry for any man that ends up with you
Original post by Bartimaeus
You're talking rubbish. Fathers and husbands do not act as body guards. When have you ever seen a woman needing 'protection' from their father or husband?
This part doesn't make sense: 'Streets (social services and charity are partly dependent on people's good will and what way they vote)'
Social services don't know or care how you vote.
Your views are outdated and prejudiced. The OP is going to be fine without her father giving her away to her husband like property on her wedding day.
This part doesn't make sense: 'Streets (social services and charity are partly dependent on people's good will and what way they vote)'
Social services don't know or care how you vote.
Your views are outdated and prejudiced. The OP is going to be fine without her father giving her away to her husband like property on her wedding day.
OK if the libertarians suddenly got into power after a really convincing campaign, and shut down all publicly run social services, since there would be little government funding for them, leaving everyone who didn't have money to fend for themselves, including the young, and this girl's father died and left little money behind, she'd be entirely reliant on the good will of the people.
And what if everyone became selfish? It's not implausible if everyone voted libertarian.
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