The Guardian - regretting starting university in a relationship!

1219269

Well if you're committed to the person, there shouldn't be an issue.

I get the impression it's a bit more like "it's a shame if you want to **** because that is a service here at xyz Uni we do provide"

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Reply 21

Danikka95x

1

Me and my boyfriend got together in sixth form and from there we would study together and I don't think uni is any different. We go to different universities and study different subjects but both stay at home, so long distance isn't a problem. We both have the same motivation and push each other as well as having our own social life so we're perfectly fine!

I think as long as you can maintain a balance and have a mutual understanding of priorities, there's no reason why a relationship in uni can't work! :top:

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Reply 22

samleigh

6

Original post by lucaf

I started uni in one, it survived a whole four days of freshers week :tongue:

Haha! Same happened for me :rolleyes:

Reply 23

Tyrion_Lannister

19

It shouldn't be an issue unless you want to **** around

Reply 24

Rum Ham

20

Interesting article. I'm doing my degree with The Open Uni so I still live at home with my bf but I often wonder what would have happened if I went to a brick uni. There are no uni's near me that do my course so i would have most likely have had to move and I don't know how that would have worked out.

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Reply 25

Midlander

19

Original post by redferry

Why? Everyone I know doing a PhD loves it!

I want my life back :tongue:

Reply 26

Malevolent

19

If you both like the idea of being together and can cope with that without straying there's no reason why it wouldn't work.

Reply 27

Annie10

1

I started uni in a relationship and I don't feel it has affected my uni life in a negative way at all.

Me and boyfriend had already been together for about 2 years before starting uni, so we were well past the stages of needing to be with/speak to each other ALL THE TIME.

While at college, we also made the decision of not letting our relationship affect our decisions about university. If one of us wanted to go down the opposite end of the country, then fine. If our relationship survived, then great, if it didn't, then at least we hadn't ruined our future.

As it was, we ended up going to uni's in neighboring cities.

I think personally the key to balancing uni and a relationship is maturity. You have to accept that sometimes that you aren't going to see each other/be in contact all the time.

Yes, it kind of sucks when I have to text my boyfriend and tell him I can't come and see him this weekend because I have a huge essay to write, but when I get good grades, I know it was worth it.

And yes, sometimes he won't text me back for hours and hours; he's probably busy with friends from uni, just like I am a lot of the time.

I've just passed my first year of uni with a 2:1 (kind of annoying it doesn't count for anything!) and I still have a very happy and healthy relationship with my boyfriend.

Reply 28

LaughingKitsune

12

I was with my boyfriend for a whole week and a half before I went off to uni. The problem I had wasn't with the relationship - I was fine with going out, and doing my own thing while I was there, but the course and my flatmates that I had had really messed up the experience.

I did visit home on weekends (my hometown was an hour and a half bus journey to the uni, plus I still did my work), and he visited with me every couple of weeks.

The course wasn't for me, and the teachers severely messed it up. Some of the flatmates I had were the worst kinds of people I could have lived with.

I'd left there in January, and I've been so much better since. And I'm still with my boyfriend, and we're nearing our second anniversary in September :biggrin:

Reply 29

Chicken.M.

20

It's only an issue if you don't like what relationships entail. i.e. not sleeping around.

Reply 30

WelshBluebird

16

To those saying they regret it because it meant they couldn't do stuff or make friends, why on earth did you let it do that?
Being in a relationship DOES NOT mean you can't enjoy yourself or make friends. It means you can't have sex other people but whop-de-doo. Sex in a loving relationship is a million times better anyway.

Reply 31

pinkbullets

12

Original post by Armadillo

Interesting counterpoint to the article. Why do you think you have had a different experience?

Well I felt (and still do) that my boyfriend and I have a future together, I trust him and we're not the type of people that have to be in contact all day everyday. We very much live our own lives with a few texts to each other throughout the day and a skype session maybe once a week. I never let him affect my social life (apart from giving up perhaps two weekends a term) and I went out as much as I wanted in my first year when I was still developing my friendships. I think the type of people we are definitely has ensured our relationship has worked out so far - we both like our own space, neither of us are particularly needy and we're secure in the relationship.

Reply 32

Reece Sure

Original post by redferry

I'm just about to start a PhD #professionalstudent

Awesome post to follow up that original one. Good luck.

Reply 33

leedswest

1

My fiancée and I are both the same age, and have been together 5 years before going to uni. We both went to the same city and live together, I don't think I would have done very well without us being together.

The author can't have been in a very serious relationship anyway if a group of friends was more important than a relationship (don't understand why you can't have both though)

Reply 34

Armadillo

OP

3

Original post by leedswest

My fiancée and I are both the same age, and have been together 5 years before going to uni. We both went to the same city and live together, I don't think I would have done very well without us being together.

The author can't have been in a very serious relationship anyway if a group of friends was more important than a relationship (don't understand why you can't have both though)

What is the secret of your success? :P

Original post by pinkbullets

Well I felt (and still do) that my boyfriend and I have a future together, I trust him and we're not the type of people that have to be in contact all day everyday. We very much live our own lives with a few texts to each other throughout the day and a skype session maybe once a week. I never let him affect my social life (apart from giving up perhaps two weekends a term) and I went out as much as I wanted in my first year when I was still developing my friendships. I think the type of people we are definitely has ensured our relationship has worked out so far - we both like our own space, neither of us are particularly needy and we're secure in the relationship.

That's interesting! I suppose one of the problems a lot of couples face is temptation but it sounds like you have it under control!

Reply 35

leedswest

1

Original post by Armadillo

What is the secret of your success? :P

Love! haha :tongue:

Reply 36

Armadillo

OP

3

Original post by leedswest

Love! haha :tongue:

I prefer the post you deleted than this answer personally!

Reply 37

Le Nombre

16

Slightly different to most I went to uni in a relationship, graduated still with the same girl and we've since broken up.

I don't regret it at all. I still had a great time at uni and being with her made me happy at the time.