girls... how would you react

Because it's so soft clean, smooth... Like it has a ring to it. ( she's from Leicester)

Really? It's vague nonsense. It's too impersonal, why is her hair like silk? Sorry it's her voice? What the hell does that mean.

Not really, it's how you interpret it and it's really not that hard. I'm thinking her voice must be smooth and soft sounding so not like a Scottish accent if you think this is bizarre you should read some sonnets by Shakespeare....

Shakespeare didn't use cliches
Shakespeare used excellent rhetoric
Shakespeare used actual verse and understood scanning
Shakespeare captivated the imagination
Shakespeare didn't write his stuff in 2 minutes

I can interpret it fine, it's far too impersonal and cliché ridden. Not to mention this isn't even a sonnet it looks like a cheesy fan fiction.

Lol where do you think we got half our cliches from?- Shakespeare
Infact he made up quite a lot of the dictionary.
So he very well did use cliches and the fact is no one can ever match Shakespeare because he was an excellent writer and the devices he used were clever so well done to the op for attempting and it was quite good.
This may just be a plan of the real thing and if he's saying it then verses are irrelevant.
I'd say the metaphors and similies use a fair but of imagination and is abstract.
He was paid to make poems and sonnets and plays so it's only fair he spent more than two minutes...

It's your opinion and it depends on the girl

Basically

You don't understand what a cliché is, something is not a cliche if it is not in common use. Shakespeare may have invented many of the cliches but that's the point isn't it, they weren't cliches when he did so just good verses.

You don't get credits for good intentions when you do something so embarrassing.

The similes and metaphors are banal, like a supernova? Really... that's just cheesy not deep.

You don't get credits for not being paid when you do something so embarrassing.

It's not just my opinion it's everyone on this threads opinion, and if you gave it to two hundred girls in the street whether they were from Eton or Hackney they would cringe.

I'm just saying Shakespeare did use cliches.

Again it depends on the girl, just because a few girls said no it doesn't mean she has to. I wouldn't be flattered by it but looking at it from an English language/literature perspective it's not bad.

I think some girls would appreciate it slightly more, besides getting a poem written by a boy in the 21st century is unheard of which makes it slightly more special...

I'm just saying, personally I wouldn't but I'm looking at it from a different perspective...

no he didnt he used original verses that became clichés as I just explained

even you've just admitted it would not be to your taste, what chance does he have to convince his true love of this with such mediocrity

You don't know the other girl personally do you so all you can say is how YOU would feel and that's basically what he was asking for wasn't it? All he can do is take on criticism and try and improve, I don't understand why youre having a go at me for that...

Because you're making excuses for mediocrity on the basis of good intentions, good intentions pave the road to hell. If you're going to do something so cheesy do it well at least.

Lol good intentions pave the road to hell you don't even know what the relationship between the two people are like, maybe he's written it like this for a reason. I've said what I needed to say and it was my opinion so ethically it can be right or wrong now leave me alone...

I won't feel for anyone what i feel for her...i'm telling you now. She's the one...her voice is like silk, her laugh like music, her walk like the breeze, her smile like the sun, her eyes like the stars, her soul like a supernova, the depth of it makes her so strong, like a beacon of sweet hope, strengthening those whose lives she blesses..damn, she rules my dreams. She dazzles me and rocks me to the core of my being...her heart keeps my heart beating and goodness blossoms out of it like a beautiful flower. Her elegance captivates me like magical power. When i see her, everything else fades away, and time stands still as if to capture the moment for ever, to treasure it forever because she is to treasure. Beautiful, wonderful, strong, special, brilliant, fabulous, elegant, unique...and she deserves so much more that language cannot even imagine to perceive

There you go again, hiding behind relativism like a religious person.