Being shallow on dating sites

After my earlier thread here, I was talking with a friend about how if a person finds it unfair that more physically attractive people have an advantage, then they should try online dating. I figured online dating would help show their great personalities more, so people wouldn't have to worry about others not giving them a chance simply because of appearances.

However, the friend said that it's even harder on dating sites not to be shallow. Even though there are personality matching systems, most people judge by profile photos first, and then what the profile says.

So, what if a dating site didn't allow people to see profile photos until after a certain length of time of getting to know someone? Wouldn't that eliminate the problem of shallowness? It'll be like online blind dating. Do such sites already exist? What are their drawbacks?

After my earlier thread here, I was talking with a friend about how if a person finds it unfair that more physically attractive people have an advantage, then they should try online dating. I figured online dating would help show their great personalities more, so people wouldn't have to worry about others not giving them a chance simply because of appearances.

However, the friend said that it's even harder on dating sites not to be shallow. Even though there are personality matching systems, most people judge by profile photos first, and then what the profile says.

So, what if a dating site didn't allow people to see profile photos until after a certain length of time of getting to know someone? Wouldn't that eliminate the problem of shallowness? It'll be like online blind dating. Do such sites already exist? What are their drawbacks?

The problem will always be the ability to lie and manipulate as easily as it is on the internet, even without images, people can infatuate others with a few well done sentences and 'slick' words

Sorta related, there used to be a show called Dating in the Dark which was sort of like what you described. People would go on dates in the dark so they couldn't see each other. Then at the end they'd see what the other looked like but their reactions would be hidden from each other, was so awks sometimes when they were visibly disappointed

True, but wouldn't online blind dating be an improvement / provide a good alternative to current sites?

was so awks sometimes when they were visibly disappointed

OMG I remember that show!

It'd be a slightly better alternative, but let's be honest even if it was blind half the people on these sites, as soon as they learnt that the person are talking to is unideal for them, they'd quickly run off and move on

Still, it'd give those less attractive more of a chance, or at least provide some mild entertainment for them to see the person who acted genuinely interested and not shallow ("I don't care about looks") to then run off after seeing pics.

After my earlier thread here, I was talking with a friend about how if a person finds it unfair that more physically attractive people have an advantage, then they should try online dating. I figured online dating would help show their great personalities more, so people wouldn't have to worry about others not giving them a chance simply because of appearances.

However, the friend said that it's even harder on dating sites not to be shallow. Even though there are personality matching systems, most people judge by profile photos first, and then what the profile says.

So, what if a dating site didn't allow people to see profile photos until after a certain length of time of getting to know someone? Wouldn't that eliminate the problem of shallowness? It'll be like online blind dating. Do such sites already exist? What are their drawbacks?

It is a waste of time if after all you're just not physically attracted to that person.

I might like Richard Dawkins as a person, but it doesn't mean I'd sleep with him.

After my earlier thread here, I was talking with a friend about how if a person finds it unfair that more physically attractive people have an advantage, then they should try online dating. I figured online dating would help show their great personalities more, so people wouldn't have to worry about others not giving them a chance simply because of appearances.

However, the friend said that it's even harder on dating sites not to be shallow. Even though there are personality matching systems, most people judge by profile photos first, and then what the profile says.

So, what if a dating site didn't allow people to see profile photos until after a certain length of time of getting to know someone? Wouldn't that eliminate the problem of shallowness? It'll be like online blind dating. Do such sites already exist? What are their drawbacks?

That's a bad example. He's 73 years old.

Yes I think it's a fair point. I've done online dating and I'd message people based on a two step criteria, but you had to meet the previous step to get to the next step. So I'd have to fancy them first, if I did I'd read the profile and if I liked what I read I'd message. So looks and personality/career important but you can't have one without the other.

So it's not so hard for women because the hotter ones will get more messages, but even the not so attractive ones will still get messages, where as for men it's difficult with the hotter women to get a reply as they get so many messages. I think men judge on looks more, and women judge on status/career more.

But in terms of your question, it's tough because I've read profiles that I've thought wow we've got so much in common would get on so well, but haven't messaged because I didn't fancy them at least a bit. I think there has to be some physical attraction, otherwise it becomes difficult to imagine kissing/having sex with them.

So what? I can still like his personality and mind. Isn't that what this thread is advocating? For people to not be 'shallow' and just look for inner beauty?

Or are you suggesting that judging people solely based on age is not shallow?

I remember watching a TED Talk a while ago on this issue. Someone studied the properties of a 'perfect profile' (including the kind of things they wrote, the types of photos they had, etc.) and they changed their profile accordingly. They instantly went from having virtually no hits to being one of the most popular profiles on the site, despite the fact that it was a total lie. And indeed, this process required the person to make their profile much shorter, much briefer and much shallower.

If I remember correctly, OKCupid actually did an experiment using that exact same idea of not showing profile pictures. I can't completely remember what happened, but they've actually got a blog doing data analysis on these kinds of things which is fascinating. You can find it here.

That's useful how OkCupid collect data like that. Interesting trends...