First of all please don't judge me, I know I have been incredibly foolish and ****ed up but I don't need any one else telling me that as I've taken it out on myself enough. I'm just so ashamed and disappointed with myself and don't know what i was thinking.
Last week I met up with a guy for drinks on the monday and things seemed to be going really well. Ended up seeing him every day last week. On wednesday we went out for dinner and I ended up going back to his for a bit. well one thing led to another and we ended up having unprotected sex (he didn't finish inside me as we stopped before that could happen). The next day I woke up ****ting myself so after being on the phone for an hour with my friend crying I booked an emergency appointment at the doctors and got the morning after pill.
I ended up seeing him again later and well the same thing happened again and we ended up having unprotected sex (again he didn't finish inside me as we stopped before it could get to that stage).
I'm honestly so disappointed with myself
I stopped taking the pill (Rivegidon) a couple of months ago as I was a hormonal mess and broke up with my ex at the time so didn't really see the need in finding a new one. When i went to the doctors to get the morning after pill I was given a different pill to cry (cilest). I've read the pamphlet and it says I can take it up to 5 days before the start of my period but tbh I don't know when that will next be as my periods are so irregular and I was told by the doctor that the morning after pill can cause your next period to come early or later than usual. My friend told me to start taking cilest asap after I told her what happened but I haven't because I have no idea when my next period is.
What makes it even harder is that i'm now out of the country until the 16th of April so I can't take a test right now or go to the clinic to be tested for infections. I come home for a day on the 7th so I was planning on using that time to take a test and hopefully go to the clinic as it would have been 2 weeks then. I'm just worried that if I don't have time to do it then is leaving it until i'm back for good on the 16th too late to do anything?!
I'm honestly so scared and ashamed with myself and I haven't really got anyone I can talk too about this. I can't tell my parents (strict Catholics) and I'm not particularly close to them so a conversation like this would be difficult. This isn't the right time in life for me to have a child as much as i love them, I haven't got a well paid job, i go to uni in september and Im not experienced enough with life. I don't know what to say to the guy, he likes me and wants to continue seeing me when i'm home but do i wait and see if my period comes or should I tell him now that i'm worried?
I'm absolutely terrified and really don't know what to do