What do I do?
Okay, I'm warning you early, this will be long, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible.
Throughout my childhood and my teenage years, which I'm thankfully nearing the end of, I have been sheltered and over-protected to the complete maximum by my parents.
Put it this way, I once I asked if I could attend my friend's birthday party (she only lived a few streets away) and they immediately declined.
From that, you can only imagine how much their excessive protectiveness has affected my relationships with my friends, and in general, my life.
But I decided to stick through it during my time in secondary school, with the hope that my grades will help me get the freedom I so desperately want.
And now, I'm at the stage where I have the grades and the motivation, and want to apply to the best university in the country for my course.
They, of course, have said no.
First, it was a teary affair on how, if I get in, my mother wouldn't be able to survive without seeing me everyday, which I understood. I told her that we'll both be okay and I'll have to leave home one day anyway.
Second, my father warned me about the financial implications if I were to enter the university. I explained how the university is very wealthy and can offer support to me given my background.
They simply weren't having it, and then my mother finally told me what was really on their minds.
They said that, as I am a girl, I would give them a 'bad name' to other people if I were to move out for university. They also said that women are not supposed to have high ambitions in life.
Lately, I've been very upset over the whole situation and have began to do things that I never thought I'd do.
What are your thoughts? What should I do?
And yes, before you ask, my parents are South Asian and Muslim.
tl;dr: sheltering and overprotecting by parents has badly affected my life. But now I want to get a high-class education to fulfil my ambitions, and rebuild my life. My parents have outdated, sexist views on this and constantly decline
Throughout my childhood and my teenage years, which I'm thankfully nearing the end of, I have been sheltered and over-protected to the complete maximum by my parents.
Put it this way, I once I asked if I could attend my friend's birthday party (she only lived a few streets away) and they immediately declined.
From that, you can only imagine how much their excessive protectiveness has affected my relationships with my friends, and in general, my life.
But I decided to stick through it during my time in secondary school, with the hope that my grades will help me get the freedom I so desperately want.
And now, I'm at the stage where I have the grades and the motivation, and want to apply to the best university in the country for my course.
They, of course, have said no.
First, it was a teary affair on how, if I get in, my mother wouldn't be able to survive without seeing me everyday, which I understood. I told her that we'll both be okay and I'll have to leave home one day anyway.
Second, my father warned me about the financial implications if I were to enter the university. I explained how the university is very wealthy and can offer support to me given my background.
They simply weren't having it, and then my mother finally told me what was really on their minds.
They said that, as I am a girl, I would give them a 'bad name' to other people if I were to move out for university. They also said that women are not supposed to have high ambitions in life.
Lately, I've been very upset over the whole situation and have began to do things that I never thought I'd do.
What are your thoughts? What should I do?
And yes, before you ask, my parents are South Asian and Muslim.
tl;dr: sheltering and overprotecting by parents has badly affected my life. But now I want to get a high-class education to fulfil my ambitions, and rebuild my life. My parents have outdated, sexist views on this and constantly decline
(edited 8 years ago)
Scroll to see replies
So (Muslim) parents still have this outdated attitude towards their daughters, despite the most recent Nobel prize winner being a Muslim herself
Oh, and when I went to uni there was a decent proportion of "obvious" Muslim females (those wearing hijabs) in all of my lectures
Oh, and when I went to uni there was a decent proportion of "obvious" Muslim females (those wearing hijabs) in all of my lectures
(edited 8 years ago)
Original post by shawn_o1
So (Muslim) parents still have this outdated attitude towards their daughters, despite the most recent Nobel prize winner being a Muslim herself
Listen, mate! She asked if you have any advice, not, feel free to criticize on my parents as much as you can. if you can't help her, atleast, don't criticize her. She loves her parents more than respect your criticism....... Still, you people have an out-dated attitude of not dealing with the matter deliberately, rather spoiling it as much as you can.
Original post by shawn_o1
So (Muslim) parents still have this outdated attitude towards their daughters, despite the most recent Nobel prize winner being a Muslim herself
Oh, and when I went to uni there was a decent proportion of "obvious" Muslim females (those wearing hijabs) in all of my lectures
Oh, and when I went to uni there was a decent proportion of "obvious" Muslim females (those wearing hijabs) in all of my lectures
Thank you for your empathy.
Hello, sister! I understand your problem and trust me, I do sympathize with you and respect your dreams. I suggest, that you don't argue with them This will only make them stick more firmly to their decision. Rather, write down the advantages you can give them when you'll be a professional in some field. Then, go and tell them that education will not only be beneficial for you in the future, but for the coming generations as well. You,ll not only prove to be a good mother to your children but will also prove to be a functional member to the society with a high moral conscience for good nd eil and also give reference from your Holy book if there's any or from your messenger or some national leader of yours. I hope everything works out okay for you.
Original post by Mpagtches
Can you give us a tl;dr?
Yeah, did so
Original post by Samantha Osborne
Hello, sister! I understand your problem and trust me, I do sympathize with you and respect your dreams. I suggest, that you don't argue with them This will only make them stick more firmly to their decision. Rather, write down the advantages you can give them when you'll be a professional in some field. Then, go and tell them that education will not only be beneficial for you in the future, but for the coming generations as well. You,ll not only prove to be a good mother to your children but will also prove to be a functional member to the society with a high moral conscience for good nd eil and also give reference from your Holy book if there's any or from your messenger or some national leader of yours. I hope everything works out okay for you.
I have tried everything you've said, only to get the response that women are not meant to have ambitions.
Thank you, I am trying to see this situation through
Your parents sound just like mine, i understand how you feel.
Original post by goldenusername
Your parents sound just like mine, i understand how you feel.
The problem is that they're too used to me accepting what they say without challenging them. But in this case, I can't accept it, this is my dream.
Original post by goldenusername
Your parents sound just like mine, i understand how you feel.
Well,what else could she try more than this maintaining respect to them also? What if she searches and make a list of all the successful and amazing muslim ladies of this century? Like, that Muslim activist;married, but a noble prize winner for raising voice for the right of muslim women and children or something? I mean, if the opportunity goes away, then, what would she do?
Original post by Samantha Osborne
Well,what else could she try more than this maintaining respect to them also? What if she searches and make a list of all the successful and amazing muslim ladies of this century? Like, that Muslim activist;married, but a noble prize winner for raising voice for the right of muslim women and children or something? I mean, if the opportunity goes away, then, what would she do?
It's more complicated than that unfortunately
Just apply anyway, then if you get in there'll be an argument with your parents but just leave them behind and go start your life. Obviously it will be hard to let go of your family but I think you recognise yourself that you can't go on living like this, you need to be selfish and start putting your life first. I also appreciate it will be hard without financial support from your parents but you can make it work. If you don't get in, don't tell them you applied.
tl;dr
Hey enaa
You should go to university. It's a no brainier.
And my solution is to cherry pic a verse out of the Quran that says one should always pursue education in the name of knowledge.
I think the way you are handling is exemplary 👍🏼
Good luck
You should go to university. It's a no brainier.
And my solution is to cherry pic a verse out of the Quran that says one should always pursue education in the name of knowledge.
I think the way you are handling is exemplary 👍🏼
Good luck
Original post by enaayrah
The problem is that they're too used to me accepting what they say without challenging them. But in this case, I can't accept it, this is my dream.
The problem is that they're too used to me accepting what they say without challenging them. But in this case, I can't accept it, this is my dream.
That is so true, i'm not even allowed to go out after school and if i arrive any later than 4pm i'm a dead meat
But i'll make sure i go to a uni outside london and if they say anything about me being a woman, then i'll tell them that i have to learn to look after myself so i can look after THEM when they're living out their second childhood. If they say no then i will simply tell them it's my life, not theirs.
Malala Yousafzai gets 10 A* or A GCSEs
Maybe this would provide a good case study?
I really feel for you, I'm sorry that sympathy isn't much help
Do you know of anyone else in a similar situation - what have they done about it?
I wish you all the best, stay strong!
Maybe this would provide a good case study?
I really feel for you, I'm sorry that sympathy isn't much help
Do you know of anyone else in a similar situation - what have they done about it?
I wish you all the best, stay strong!
Thanks for the responses everyone 
Honey! Whatever we're suggesting, you say that you've already done that but in vain, so , atleast, give us the clear account of your situation, how critical your mom and dad are in this situation? So, then, we'll be able to understand your predicament profoundly and maybe, ten, we come up with some reasonable situation.
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